Small age gap between babies

[Jumper]

I have a 10 month old baby and ever since she was born I have wanted another, unfortunately nothing has happened yet. This is probably as I am only now stopping breast feeding.
I would like to hear from any one else who has a smallish gap between children. Would you do it again?

I got pregnant again when my first was 10 months old and am very happy with the age gap. It's hard going in the first 10 months to a year till they can play together, because your first is still a baby, but now my second is 14 months old they're just a joy to watch (when they're not driving me up the wall, obviously!!). I even get quite jealous because the youngest looks to the oldest for approval, rather than me! I don't think it's because they're both girls as it's the same age gap between me and my brother too, and we've always been really close. Good luck!

p.s. the discussion in parenting/age gaps may also help

I have two daughters with a 21 month age gap (I got pregnant just after my eldest's first birthday.) It works well for me as I am a full time mother and the second child has just fitted in to the day-to-day routine. She is now five months old and every day it gets a little bit easier. In fact the hardest part was when I was 8 months pregnant as I was physically very tired. I don't know if I'll have another baby but the nice thing that I'm experiencing now is the feeling of freedom from maternity clothes/feeding bras etc. Plus I have a huge sense of achievement in having had two children and possibly completing my family.
Two children close together is relentless and you wonder what you found so hard about looking after one! my advice would be to get help from 8 months pregnant onwards. I have used a friend's nanny one day a week and it has been a salvation. At first she just looked after the oldest child but now she looks after both and I have a day off. It's liberating and recharges my batteries for another week.
I think if I was just contemplating a new pregnancy now I would be daunted by the thought of the awfully tiring first four months... just as my eldest was becoming much easier.

Jumper, I have the opposite view. Mine are 3 years and 8 months apart. I have been able to give them both a huge amount individual attention which has helped us all. He had started at pre-school when she came along so we had a few hours with just the two of us. He is now just 6 and she is 2 years 5 months. He reads her stories, holds her hand to keep her safe and generally we have an idyllic situation (for us that is!). Good Luck whatever you decide.

Jumper - I would highly recommend the book "Three Shoes, One Sock, and No Hairbrush - Everything you need to know about having your second child" by Rebecca Abrams. I started it yesterday, and am half way through already, so it must be good (busy mum of two under 4s). She has lots to say about age gaps, and the fact that they do not determine everything, and a great deal depends on the personalities and genders of the children concerned, and your personal circumstances. I have a 22 month age gap, and think that is OK. The first 9 months were fine, then the little one started crawling, and asserting himself ... But they are starting to play together nicely some of the time now, so I've great hopes for the future!

I would recommend the book to anyone who has two children already - contains loads of helpful suggestions, and lots of reassurance that you and your two children are normal!

kmg, does the book refer to twins at all, or is it more for two single children?

I have 3 children with approximately 3 years between the eldest and the youngest. It's great for the children being so close, and I enjoyed it too when they were babies. But recently, I've found they egg each other on to be naughty when we go out! Being so close in age, the elder two are both at the naughty toddler stage together, and it's difficult to control 3 at once - sorry, I mean IMPOSSIBLE! We have had a couple of embarassing trips to the surgery, and I am getting inured to disapproving looks from receptionists and shop assistants, and hearing the phrase "never seen such children!" This really annoys me because I don't think my children are more badly behaved than others, but as I say, they do encourage each other to be naughty! I wonder if any of the twins/triplets mums have had the same problem?
If I had it all again though, I'd still have the same age gap, as I think it's nice for the children, also I hate trying to plan things like age gaps, a large part is down to chance anyway!

Rhiannon, I was interested by your age gap as - and this may be premature since my second child is due in 7 weeks - I am intending to leave at least 3 and half to 4 years before having number 3. I have never felt as tired as I do now, having a 2 and half year old while pregnant and working and think that I would like to regain some semblance of a life, do something worthwile with work in the intervening years and get 1 and 2 settled in school before embarking on another pregnancy. Maybe I'm just at a low ebb....

Twinsmum, it is very much aimed at two single children, and about the difference between having one and having two, it hardly mentions twins at all. But there are sections that would be of interest to you, I'm sure.

Emmagee - it gets better, honest. I have 22 months between my two boys. I can honestly say the worst time of the past four years, was the last two months of my second pregnancy. I am really enjoying my youngest at the moment, and remembering how grotty and awful I felt when his brother was that age, and I was heavily pregnant, and thought he was such hard work. Actually, it's a lovely age.

Sml - what ages are your children now? I agree completely with the egging-on issue - when I have the privilege to take just one of them out walking they are angels, but together they incite each other to more and more outrageous things, and get up to all sorts of mischief. Interestingly it is the younger one who usually initiates a new naughty trick!

Kmg, thanks...think I'll take a look.

Kmg, the eldest two are 4 and 3 - and the baby is just toddling after them, picking up on everything they do!

I have almost exactly two years between each of my four children (oldest now 9 and the youngest is 3) and I remember each time being particularly frazzled at having to be constantly vigilant of the new baby - you can leave a baby quite happily kicking away on the floor with an older child while your in the next room but you can't when there's also a toddler too young to understand that they can't pick the baby up, feed it grapes, wrestle with it, etc. Like everything there are pros and cons - when I see them all getting along and sharing common games it's great but I also feel the middle two missed out on a lot of the individual attention enjoyed by the first and the last (the first because he had our undivided attention for nearly two years and the last because I haven't had to a baby at the same time).
To get to my own personal and probably selfish pointof view, in hindsight I think if I was only planning two or even three children I wouldn't go for a small gap as there's too much to miss out on but any more and I would do the same again simply because I'm not the kind of person who could do the pregnancy/new baby/toddler stage over a 10 to 15 year period.

Please help, I have a nearly three yr old and a 13 month old. I find it hard to keep them both entertained. Bob the builder is becoming a very close friend of the family. They are completely different children liking different things and they are driving me mad, any suggestions? By the way they are both girls.

These messages are very interesting as I am wondering when we should plan for our next baby. Nature has taken its course with me and a small age gap would have been impossible (my first period was 13 months post-partum). I think that it will be around 3 years as I would like to have a summer baby again. Also the advantage is that I can use all the baby clothes again as they will be in the right season.

Rubymac has made a good point that if you are only having 2 kids (which seems to be the norm these days) then why not spend more time with the first one and allow him/her to be more independent, go to nursery etc so you can spend more time with the next one also.

I recently met a woman who has 7 months pregnant with a 13 month baby. She said she had developed thread veins due to carrying the older baby and the weight of her bumb. Most doctors recommend a year between pregnancies (and it would be about this if we all breastfed anyway) and I think this allows you to recover at least physically. As for psychologically - well do you ever!

Interesting discussion - I have two children, the first was born following fertility treatment and is now 3. The second arrived following a weekend in Dublin (natural conception, no intervention) and I didn't realise I was pregnant for eight weeks (and drank too much, ate the wrong things etc). Alice was 12 months when I conceived and there's a 21 month gap between them. Can honestly say that I wouldn't have chosen such a small gap but it has actually worked in my favour. As I write, they are playing together and this is becoming the norm. There are of course moments of insanity but I have a very independent 3 year old who is incredibly well-adjusted due to nursery twice a week (while I work), frequent visits to grandparents, often overnight, and I would say that she feels very secure. The 18 mth old walked early, is starting to talk and is a happy, lively bundle of fun, thanks in great part to her sister who has enriched her early life beyond belief. Forget the textbooks to some extent, let nature happen and make the consequences fit. Children are amazingly adaptable and resilient and I think most circumstances can be accommodated.

I have a 14 month age gap between my two and I wouldn't have it any other way. It is a real joy to watch them playing together. Eulalia, I was breast feeding my first when I fell for my second.It happened when he was between four and five months old when I started to wean him and I believe this is a common time to become fertile again. I didn't suffer any of the common ailments with either of my pregnacies, no varicose veins, back ache, stretch marks, etc maybe I was just very lucky. I still had time with my toddler while the baby slept and I had at least an hour or two to myself every day when they both had their afternoon nap.
Peaches, I have always found simple things like blowing bubbles entertains my two for ages. I used to blow bubbles for my eldest when I was pregnant with my second and he would wear himself out chasing them. Now I have a battery powered bubble blower so I can sit and drink coffee and blow bubbles at the same time. I always make sure that they spend some time outside every day even if the weather isn't very good they both have wellies and good waterproof suits so they can sit in puddles if they feel the need. They both love walking or running around the garden, they don't seem so loud outside and the fresh air does us all good. I have always found singing and dancing a good way to entertain them both even when my youngest was a small baby she loved it. I have a tummble tots action rhyme audio tape with all the old favourite on it provides a good hour of entertainment for us all.

Hi all. I am a young parent, at 19, but I am in a long relationship and we are to be married next year. I have always wanted a large family and would ideally love to have four children,if finances are willing I had my first child last year, a daughter, and would have loved to have all my children close together. I had to have a caesarian, because she became stuck, so I was advised to leave another pregnancy for about two years. I have now decided that I will use this time to train to be a midwife. When I have finished this training we are moving abroad, and once settled we are hoping to have more children, and this time have them close together as we had originally planned....

Eulalia, normally I think what you say on this board is great, but I hope that when you say that if we all breastfed there'd naturally be at least a year's gap between pregnancies, you're not suggesting breasfeeding mothers don't need to worry about contraception. Lots of people become fertile again quite quickly, and of course you can ovulate and get pregnant before your first post-partum period gives you any warning!

Rhiannon, just read your post from April about your children who are 3 years 8 months apart. I'm due with number 2 in Sept and have a 3 1/2 year old and was starting to panic.. your note really made my day! Maybe it won't work out as well for me, but it's made me feel much more calm, at least for the moment. Thanks!

Numbat - depends really what you mean by breastfeeding as many people say they are but may supplement with formula. If you switched even one feed with formula this may put you at risk of ovulating. There are few mothers who exclusively breastfeed hence the reason why doctors recommend using a form of contraception.

This info may be of interest to you ...

Many breastfeeding mothers find they remain amenorrheic longer than six months, especially mothers who practice a style of nursing that Sheila Kippley calls "ecological breastfeeding." In Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing, Kippley describes ecological breastfeeding as the kind of nursing that most effectively spaces babies: nursing on cue, keeping baby close, providing all nourishment and liquids at the breast for the first five to eight months, and nursing to comfort the baby. It does not include the use of bottles or pacifiers, mother-baby separation, parent-imposed feeding schedules or restriction of night nursings. All of these practices limit the nipple stimulation that suppresses ovulation.
The chance of pregnancy occurring during the first three months of ecological breastfeeding are practically nil. During the second three months, there is a less than 2 percent chance of becoming pregnant before the first menstrual period. After six months postpartum there is a six percent chance of becoming pregnant before the first period. That means that an amenorrheic woman who is relying on ecological breastfeeding alone has a 94 percent chance of not becoming pregnant during the second six months postpartum.
Women who practice ecological breastfeeding average 14.6 months of amenorrhea. Seven percent experience a return of their menses in the first six months following childbirth. Thirty-seven percent get their periods back during months seven to twelve. Forty-eight percent get their periods back sometime during the second year after childbirth. Eight percent go longer than two years without periods.

Hi. From birth I breastfed my daughter exclusively for 16 weeks, and after the birth I had the bleeding for almost four weeks. As the after birth bvleeind stopped, my first period began. I had read articles saying that your periods started later than if you were bottle feeding. I could not believe that I had been, in my eyes 'unlucky' as I didn't want to be coping with a four week old baby and my period!! lol
I guess every woman is different!!!!

Yep Pamina – you were unlucky. Although it is highly unlikely that your friends who were bottle feeding would have had no periods for longer than 14+ weeks – if bottle feeding your periods should resume at around 6-8 weeks. Hence the stress for contraception at the post-natal check-up whether you are breastfeeding or not. Despite your case statistically speaking you are unlikely to get periods for 3-6 months or longer and it is promoted as a benefit.

Some b/fed babies feed less often so the nipple stimulation isn’t so frequent – for example a breastfed baby who sleeps through the night early on will mean an earlier start of periods. However everyone is different – my friend returned to work at 6 months and b/fed part time but she still didn’t get periods for a year.

Even then they can be irregular for some time. For months I never knew when mine were coming but finally 22 months after the birth they seem to have settled into a pattern. Actually I have a question about that – my cycle seems to be around 32 days – does this mean I still ovulate around day 14 or would it be slightly later than this? Or is it variable? Anyone know?