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Why no invites to any Nursery Parties?!!

37 replies

zippyb · 27/01/2003 10:28

I am probably stressing over this way too much but just want to ponder this on line! My 4 year old DS has been in Nursery since last January and apart from a few hiccups has now settled in very well & at the moment actually enjoys going to school. He hasn't been invited to any of his little pals parties and I am sure some of them must have had them! Ok I know that I am not that socially wonderful in the playground but always have a chat with the other mums but I admit I do find it difficult as I am still (at 31!) really shy! When it was my DS Birthday circumstances meant we couldn't hold a party as such so I took a cake into school & party bags for the children in the class. Have noticed a few other mums have also since done this so maybe no one wants to have parties at the moment! Just a bit put out that he hasn't been asked to 1 yet and its his 2nd year in Nursery! Am I on my own with this or am I just a social leper!

OP posts:
Katherine · 30/01/2003 18:25

Makes me so glad DS is going to a small school - only 8 kids per year so even with siblings won't have to worry about HUGE numbers! I just KNEW there was a good reason for going for the smaller school (only joking of course)

Tinker · 30/01/2003 19:22

My daughter has been invited to a party on Monday where only 8 girls are going from her class. Trouble is, there are 9 girls in the class. Now I think that is quite cruel.

janh · 30/01/2003 19:42

Tinker - does your daughter actually really like the girl who's invited her? If not you could make a stand and invite the uninvited one to your house instead....that sort of exclusion is totally unacceptable, whatever the budget.

WideWebWitch · 30/01/2003 20:12

Tinker, I think that's shocking too.

Batters · 30/01/2003 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoth · 30/01/2003 21:39

fleabag, if only I could have dragged my son away. As you so rightly say, that would be one's first instinct. I thought it would save him from further hurt and embarassment.

Unfortunatly, he had ran ahead of me and seen the party in full swing before I was aware of things. I tried to make him leave ( offered him a snack elsewhere) but short of literally dragging him away or shouting at him, there was no way he was going peacefully. Didn't think a huge scene in front of his classmates would improve the situation. Weighing in at over six stone I could hardly carry him out. I decided that the best thing was to do what he wanted to do - after all he was the one excluded, not me - and he wanted to stay. His classmates weren't really the problem anyway. They were freely talking to him. The problem was with the adults. And I'm sorry but I think it showed a lack of graciousness and good manners to so blatently ignore us. Not even a friendly hello when I smiled at them. We had our own table and food, so it wasn't as if we were standing there like lemons. It didn't make me at all inclined to go against my son's wishes and leave just in order to get the adults out of an embarassing situation. Had there been a window I might just have pressed my nose against the glass.....

tinker, what a pity that just the one girl is excluded. Whatever are the host parents thinking of?

I would never hold a party for most but not all of the children in my sons class - I agree it's either a small group or the lot of them. Of course some venues set a number - but you can always invite children who are not classmates to make up the total.

Tinker · 30/01/2003 22:01

Well, as a disclaimer, I'm getting all this from my daughter. Janh, nice idea about making a stand but, unfortunately the little girl in question was invitied to my daughter's party and was the only one not to RSVP or turn up on the day so....

The party is at a bowling thing so need two teams of 4 but, I'm sorry, unless the parents know of some reason why this child can't go anyway, I would have just picked a different venue.

janh · 30/01/2003 22:36

Oh, we had one of those with DS2 last year, Tinker - no reply/no show I mean - and we didn't have his phone no or anything. It is difficult when you don't know the parents directly.

However - I believe it is possible to bowl with odd numbers...I'm sure we have done it. Those scoring mschines are very clever these days!

Maybe your DD has just got it wrong. Hope so!

willow2 · 31/01/2003 12:47

Just a thought - but how did you hand out the invitations to the no reply no show girl? At DS' nursery they get put in to the A to Z pigeonhole with all the other bits and pieces (news letters/ kids' pictures) that need taking home. I kind of think it would be easy for them to end up in the wrong pigeonhole and go unnoticed.

My ds' birthday is coming up soon and I'll have to face the dilemma of who to invite from his nursery. Can't invite them all - it's a day nursery and there's quite a few of them in his group. There's a mixture of ages plus as not all the kids go five days a week (ds doesn't) I could end up inviting kids he's never seen! Think my best bet is to simply ask his care worker who he's mates with - and just hope nobody gets offended!

Scatterbrain · 31/01/2003 13:30

Hmm - agree it's difficult. My dd had an invitation (handed to me by bemused nursery staff) to a party of a girl in a different room at her day nursery. I asked dd if she knew "x" and she said no, so I asked the staff if my dd new "x" and they said they couldn't imagine how - and thought I must know her mum - but I don't ! - I'm afraid I didn't RSVP - I know I should have - but I couldn't face calling someone I didn't know at that time ! So - they probably thought we were very rude - hope dd hasn't been blacklisted though !!!

Tinker · 31/01/2003 19:08

Oooo, Scatterbrain, you're the kind of mum I was warned about when I did first party for my daughter

Willow - in my daughter's school, the kids hand out the invitations in front of all the class, supervised by the teacher (which I think is a bit brutal myself!). Would prefer them just to be shoved in each kid's tray.

helenmc · 31/01/2003 19:32

But don't you some-times wonder if they ever get home ...I've found invites left on the clockroom floor. We had one very scatty mum , and you never knew whether or not her kids would turn up. But it turned out she was going thro an acromonious divorce and just didn't know whether ex would turn up and snatch the kids for the weekend.

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