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Original poster

Been called into school and its not good news

53 replies

fairyfly · 03/02/2005 11:41

They tell me in the last two weeks my son has become insecure, is loosing his self esteem, is desperate for encouragement and has started lying. Not bad lies but making fantasies up to out do people, such as his dad lives in a castle and its 50 times bigger than anyone elses house.
They told me i should encourage him more. Its funny because out of school everyone tells me i dote on him too much and should not compliment him so often.
They said deep down they think he is a very sad little boy, it has broken my heart. Also they were asking if anything had changed at home in the last two weeks and i can't work out what it could be.
Any ideas on how to get him happy and confident again, i can't bare the thought of him being sad inside. he is 5

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Cam · 04/02/2005 15:56

fairyfly, I tell my dd that she's a princess who has been sent to live with us ordinary folk!

Blu · 04/02/2005 16:01

Nah! Course you can make up stories. He sounds like a very imaginative little boy, very enthusiastic about stories and enters right into them. Just give him a gentle reminder that some things are just stories (although 'just' never seems the right word for stories, does it?).
I am sure you would know if he 'had a broken heart'. wjhat are they trying to do to you!!!???

Original poster
fairyfly · 04/02/2005 16:17

Whatever it is its working, im really stressed now, its actually effected me. I pride myself on talking nonsense with them. I have images of sitting him down and saying well i was hoping you would find this out for yourself one day, mummy talks shit.
There goes a new big delivery of mothers guilt to contend with.
I'm going to drink champagne tonight and sod the world.

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wanda · 04/02/2005 16:49

Fairyfly, I dont know anything about you as I'm newish to Mumsnet. However I get the feeling the school are overreacting. Has he just started school? My dd started in September and has aquired an older sister called Bethany and another brother too (as yet unanmed) Some kids are still screamming every morning when they are left and one who came to tea last night was determined to find out if we are rich or not (we're not). So far I haven't seen the men in the white coats arriving for any of them. If I was you I'd leave it a while, don't stress about it as he will pick up on it, then make an appointment to discuss this with the school. I bet it will come to nothing. Trouble is we all wnat our kids to fit in and be happy to the extent that we hang on every word from the teachers and we expect them to get it right all the time. Truth is they don't. Wish I could join you on the champagne tonight but I'm taking dd to see Cinderella in the local Am Dram and have just found out its 3 hours long. Why oh Why did I bother.
Oh yes I just remembered one other Mum got called in about her son's obsession with smelling things. The school looked a bit daft when the mum told them he had been attending forest Schools where all kids are encouraged to smell and touch things! End of problem

Original poster
fairyfly · 04/02/2005 17:02

Smelling things? How ridiculous. I just feel so watched and criticised all the time. My boy is 5 wanda, year one. Thanks for your message.

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wanda · 04/02/2005 17:14

Just picked up one of your earlier comments about spending the rest of outr lives worrying. Just think what it will be like when they are 15. And Fairyfly if ds is still telling people he lives in a castle when he's 15 THEN you might have a problem !!!!

aloha · 04/02/2005 17:50

Oh for heavens sake! Is it lying to talk about fairies, monsters, the tooth fairy or Father Christmas? It sounds like a bizarre thing to say to you and as for the 'broken heart' - that's just emotional manipulation IMO (by the school). Obviously it is good to let you know if your son is sad at school, but they seem to have dragged in all sorts of things that aren't really relevant to being sad. Does he seem happy at home? Is it worth a chat saying 'are you sad at school sometimes?" or something? It wouldn't be surprising if he was affected by not seeing his (horrible) dad, but that's hardly your fault. Does he get on well with your boyfriend? Or might it be something at school that's bothering him if anything is?

nasa · 04/02/2005 17:50

this does sound odd ff. agree that you should try and get to the bottom of just what the school see as the problem. fantasy worlds are an instrinsic part of being a child surely?

lou33 · 04/02/2005 17:54

i reckon the head is tripping

Original poster
fairyfly · 04/02/2005 18:03

Thanks, he gets on with my boyfriend. Known him since he was born, he asks for him to come round. Im calling a meeting about it all, i feel like they think of anything to say to me. Hes very happy at home, affectionate, close to me, giggles a lot.
I really thought we had conquered it all as he was in a mess when his father left. I from a selfish point of view would like people to get off my back and let me live my life. My son says nothing his wrong, he likes school.

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Moomin · 04/02/2005 18:11

this seems like a total overreaction by the school, imho.
when i was at infant school i was always writing about completely fictional things that had supposedly happened to me over the weekend. i made up the fact that i had 2 older brothers both called mark (i only had one younger one); i said i lived in a cottage in germany at weekend; i said my dad made me a mechanical horse out of an engine and a pair of plastic legs!!! etc etc. at one point i got myself into a state about "lying" and got my mum to go into school to explain to my teacher. found out later they'd sat having a cup of tea and a little giggle at me taking it all so seriously! if only your ds's teachers could have this attitude!
it is the sign of a good imagination. long may it reign. i'm an english teacher now (but i take time off writing correctly when i'm on mumsnet!)

aloha · 04/02/2005 18:31

Well then, I have to agree with everyone else. Imagination is a good thing, in children and adults. And if he's desperate for encouragement......they should encourage him!

Original poster
fairyfly · 04/02/2005 18:53

I suppose [eople have different methods and not one is right. Its what makes us all different. I just happen to live in fairyland quite a lot, it helps with my art. Anymore of this and im going to make an announcement in assembly that the teachers lie about father christmas, that will show them.

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Libb · 04/02/2005 19:20

FF, I remember watching a programme about Oliver Reed once. They interviewed his daughter and she said that her father was the most imaginative and attentive father ever despite all the obvious issues. He would lie in the grass with all the children on hot drowsy days and make them stay quite still and listen to the Summer around them - everytime the wildlife rustled or squeaked he would tell them it was the fairies just going about their business. She said it was one of her fondest memories.

I am not sure what I am trying to say with this story but I remembered it and I have always promised myself that I would do the same for DS as he grows older.

The school are being over cautious and a little OTT if you ask me. You are doing an amazing job, don't ever lose sight of that. xxx

Libb · 04/02/2005 19:20

I am not likening you to Oliver Reed by the way.

motherinferior · 04/02/2005 19:23

FF, my dd1 (four on Wednesday) lives in a total fantasy world.

Original poster
fairyfly · 05/02/2005 17:03

Im making a complaint, and yes i do look like oliver reed

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JanH · 05/02/2005 17:25

Oh, god, when Oliver Reed was young I would have done anything for him, he was gorgeous!

JanH · 05/02/2005 17:25

(I don't fancy you though FF, sorry!)

JanH · 05/02/2005 17:26

here.....

Libb · 05/02/2005 17:35

FF, don't want to divert your thread but you have to admit he is lush. And clearly a very lovely dad if he made his daughter happy, just like you are making your little one xx

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fairyfly · 05/02/2005 17:38

Ai you do janh

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JanH · 05/02/2005 17:39

Oh, go on then

tamum · 05/02/2005 18:01

Ooh, Jan, when my then boyfriend was 18 he and his friend went camping in Italy (bear with me on this ) and had all their money and everything stolen. His friend knew Oliver Reed from being a film extra and knew that he was staying in Rome at the time, so they phoned him for help. He took them in for the remainder of their holiday, took them out for meals (well, drinks) every night, phoned their mums and was generally fantastic. He was a pretty decent guy it seems, as well as gorgeous.

tallulah · 07/02/2005 10:46

Only just seen this thread. When DS1 was 5 his teacher started collecting & writing down the stories he told her. (We had a giraffe & it lived in the garden, is the only one I can remember) She made them into a "book" called "Xs Marvellous Stories". She thought they were wonderful.

TBH I think your teacher is overreacting.