can't put baby down anywhere!!! HELP!!!

[fatnhap]

Hi, gosh it's been a while since
i've been here ... really missed it but no chance since I had my daughter 3 months ago. she came 6 weeks early and as she was in hospital for 3 weeks i tried to make up for our lost time together by holding her a lot and then letting her sleep in a papoose on me most of the time. of course she is no longer 4 pounds and my back is breaking + i now need my space .... 3 months of baby on me has taken its toll!! my hubby and i have been trying to put her down in her crib but no chance, she wakes up in 5 minutes and then we have to start all over again. Any tips on tackling this? do we wait till she nods off and put her down, pick her up whe she cries and put her down again etc. or is it better to go for the crying out method ... let her cry a bit more everyday and eventually she'll settle herself. Heard of both these methods but can anyone who has gone through this weaning give me a bit more detail on how to go about it. good to be back on mumsnet and pls don't think i'm rude if i don't reply immediately as baby is most likely the reason any help would be much appreciated.

Who me ??

absolutley agree, you do what is right for you and your family, if that means all sleeping togehter then fine, at least your sleeping, with our 2'nd ds now a year we have tried every tacttic in the book, i think i could rewrite the b...book!!,

babies will cry in their cots and you'll know the diference between a moan or real ditress do what's right for you and your baby!

I'll really stick my neck out now...

I don't understand that kind of comment in this context - "every baby is different" "you need to do what is right for your family"

Every small baby is the same in that he/she shouldn't have to cry alone - I really believe that. The only valid "excuse" for letting a small baby cry is if you're so beside yourself with exhaustion that you feel you're going to hurt the baby or yourself.
(But I do understand that there are some babies who might need two minutes of moaning to get to sleep - that's fine.)

DS is now 2.5 so I've kind of forgotton that early stage, but I do remeber that the "white noise" trick mentioned earlier worked a trast. I too used a hairdryer and I remember a friend who used the vacum cleaner. Sounds odd (excuse the pun) but worked everytime. As for bedtime sleeping I am a true beleiver in routine, routine, routine. i.e.6.30pm bath followed by milk (in dark room) and straight to bed.

Ops, spelling a bit odd!

ooh emkana, maybe you have been very fortunate in not having a child cry at all hours through the night, and it seems the only reason they cry is because they know that the response is getting into mummys bed, but adults need to sleep too and sleeeping with babies is sometimes not as resfull as it seems

You can buy white noise machines - we have a couple from Sharper Image. I like them because it means DS1 can have a consistent environment when we go away. He sleeps pretty well even at his grans or wherever. And they help to cover household noise, too.

Ds would often cry for ages, for no reason at all. We did the whole cuddling him to sleep bit, but he VERY quickly cottoned on to the fact that it was far nicer having mummy and daddy rock him to sleep than doing it for himself. It was very hard to get him out of the habit.
DD was breastfed and then put in her cot, sleepy but still awake, and learned very quickly how to go to sleep by herself.
There were lots and lots of cuddles during the day.

THis is hard, my two would only sleep if held. the second you put them down they would wake.....not exageration. In the end I co-slept with them and gradually weaned them away from it, first by lying and sleeping with them, then sleeping next to them in a carry cot then next to them in their cot, Now at 5 and 8 they are great sleepers. I just did it very gradually

Read a lot of books on this subject, in particular Sheila Kitzinger, the Crying Baby. I agreed with her and took some of her advice. Always rocked babies to sleep from birth, in my arms. Now i lay down with them when they want but they never cry. You are all baby has in this world. Why make them feel lonely by leaving them? They will feel so secure if you are with them.

MIL used to say put that baby down (my first when he was only 8 weeks old) No molly coddling, they will become too attached!!! Obviously told her where to go. If you have a contented secure baby, they will be far more likely to have less problems in the future over sleeping. As was said in earlier thread, they grow up so fast. I relished every cuddle and every sleep time with them.

But what I don't understand is, what is wrong with having a habit of being rocked to sleep? Why is that seen as a negative?

Message withdrawn

We had this with ds early on and a white noise tape really, really helped. We still use it to settle him when nothing else works. My God it has been a life saver. Thoroughly recommended (but I think you have to start using it before they are 3mo).

I think hercules has a very valid point there, lots of people will try and tell you what is right,and what your doing is wrong, but only you will know if you feel happy to stay with your dd until she is asleep each time,if you "need" her to go to sleep by herself there are ways of training her (I read the books and gave them away). I've had lots of comments from friends and relatives over the years about bf and cuddling mine to sleep,I ignored most of it, but its only now with my 3rd child I feel really confident that Iam doing the right thing for me and him !

What worked for us was putting the baby in the buggy after he fell asleep in our arms, and then when we went to bed ourselves we brought him with us. I never liked them to go to bed alone when they were very young anyway. Your baby might settle better in the same room as you.

But even the books that advocate sleep training say that you shouldn't start before six months at the earliest.

My dd1 was an easy baby, but dd2 wasn't, she needed to be held and cuddled all the time, and yes, it was hard and tiring. But I cuddled her and carried her around in the sling all the time because I'm the adult and her needs are more important than my needs. And if that means that my sleep might not be as restful as it could be if I wasn't co-sleeping, then so be it.

you shouldn't leave a baby to cry before 6 months - it may 'work' but you shouldn't do it

Rickman,
on your other thread someone mentioned an ergo, I would say go for it, they are brilliant, I carry ds everywhere on my back now,even cook sometimes if we've got guests in and he's tired, and its so comfortable.

emkana, you said it so much better than me.

Fatnhap i think you should start getting dd into a sleep routine now, the younger the baby the easier it'll be believe me.

The more sleep you both get the more happier you'll both be during the day. Do what feels right.

Ease off some of you lot your probably making fatnhap feel really guilty & im sure she is an excellent mummy!!!

Message withdrawn

I'm a co-sleeper.

I can't see why anyone would feel guilty by any of this. Just people saying it's ok to cuddle if you want to!

fatnhap I'm the same size as you (5ft and - well a bit over 8 stone now but we'll skip over that bit....) - Your size has nothing to do with how strong your back is. If you feel that your back problems are forcing you to make parenting decisions that you don't want to make, then you can make your back STRONGER by seeing a physio.

If you want to try and train your daughter to sleep by herself then that's a different matter - and I'm sure there will be people here who can tell you how to start training a tiny baby to sleep. But there are also lots of people here who firmly believe that is the wrong thing to do, so you will have to put up with lots of conflicting (but well meant) advice. Good luck.