What word do you use instead of no?

[mamadadawahwah]

I have tried not to say the n word in front of my kids. If they grab something which isnt theirs, i say "mommies" or "we dont do that". yet they still use the word no. Is it genetic, this word?

"WHICH BIT OF 'DON'T DO THAT' DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND"

that exact same phrase gets used lots in our house...

Another good one is everytime they do something you don't want them to do is to start sort of wailing in a kind of possessed way, they find that really confusing and a bit scary so they stop doing it after the first few times.

If you have a child with learning difficulties then speech therapists often tell you to avoid the word no, along with the word "don't" (because if yoou say "don;t climb" they'll hear/process "climb" and continue to do it.

I doon't use no very often with ds1 as it doesn't tell him what to do. SO for example when he's climbing on something "ds1 get down" actually has much more of an effect than "no" (ie he gets down if I say no I haven;t toild him waht to do so he tends to just ignore me). It's become second nature now. I did scream no at him this morning when he headbuttted some very flimsy glass but he didn't actually move away or stop until I said "ds1 come here".

have to stay stopping using no (or at least limiting it) had a huge effect on his behaviour- and I've noticed that he still doesn't really respond to no now (in fact he thinks its funny- and makes him more likely to repeat something). Cannot get my MIL to undertstand that though although luckily his new school have noted already (in writing) that a strong negative response is amusing for him.

I get paranoid my very close (proximity) neighbours,who are the archetypal perfect (in my mind) overhear me bellowing NO, sometimes. Sometimes when he is on the verge of a near death experience (pulling the cats tail), ther is no other word for it, but i beat myself up no end for being the harsh disciplinarian I so despised when i was a kid. So then I start the cycle of alternatives..longwinded explanations and scary scnearios of what would happen if he continued activity 'x', and darling lets watch the birdies bla bla..usually I end up with plain old no, and occasionally I shout "thats it I've had enough' and throw a cushion across the floor, and then myself. poor little 2month old, oops kidding 22 month old (!), being a mum is tough game..No?!

I found the word "later" very powerful when dd was a toddler. She would chuck a tantrum at the word no but somehow "later" left her quite satisfied! Most of the time she would forget all about it so later never came.

This thread has left me laughing and nodding...all the posts are great. I think the idea of avoiding "no" when they are little is so they don't start to use it back at you too soon/much...which of course they do anyway! But if you save it for the "biggies" ie impending danger it's probably better, has more impact. I used to use their names or the distraction method.

Of course when my neighbour, who I had never officially met, knew the names of both my kids I realised I might have been "using their names" a bit too loudly!

I think that Morningpaper, Skibunny and Sofia should get together and create a comedy act! PMSL!

I say "not for bob". Now he just looks at me and says "Bob's turn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Guess he's cracked the saying a positive thing instead of a negative.

I've not said "no", and I've not heard it a lot from Bob. The only times have been the months my parents are visiting...

I always say no - for my DS1 (4yrs) its now a "no Because.........." DS2 (14 months) is only just onto the 'no' on it's own.

pinkwhistle - I do the "later" trick. Ds says "can I have chocolate/biscuit/play with toys etc." and I say "Yes. But first we need to get dressed, go to nursery, play with all your toys, come home from nursery and have your tea." And he potters off happy, having got a yes, not realising he's got 12 hours to wait. Of course this whole routine then gets repeated ad nauseum!

fisil - I used to do that too............but one day he 'clicked' and realised he was like an elephant - never forgets - now at 4yrs old he still bugs me for things WEEKS after being told later - and most things it every 5 minutes he asks for them as "it's later now"

Sure, distraction and redirection is a nicer way to stop children than constantly saying no - but sometimes they need to hear a firm "no" and why - hitting baby sister, touching hot things, running on to the road etc. If you save the firm "no" only for the occasions that it is necessary and try other tactics when less important, "no" can keep a bit of it?s "status" as a serious word for immediate action. Just like the raised voice bit - do it all the time and it loses effect - use it only once in a blue moon and it retains its effect without having to bawl at them. (I reckon my DD1 is now very immune to the "NO!" parental screech..eek, must try harder to be a better mum)

ah, but I always tell the truth. He does remember - I pick him up from nursery and he repeats the list - omitting of course the events that have already passed!

sorry, that was a reply to gwenick.

I think my dd knows whether i'm pleased with her or not just by saying her name! If she's good she gets call Gracie or picklebum. If she does something i don't like its Grace. If she's been really naughty it's Grace Evelyn. My mum used to do it to me and now if anyone says my full name I think they're telling me off! Sometimes when i say GRACE Evelyn dd looks at me and puts herself in the naughty girls corner (we set one up for violent behaviour - punching, kicking, biting or destructive behaviour - ripping up books. Not only does it give her time to think it gives me time to calm down!) So 'no' isn't really used just the tone of voice and her name changes!

"can i have ...?"
"no"
"awww why?"
"i don't need a reason - no one ever said this household was a democracy"
"what is it then?"
"a dictatorship!"
"what does that mean"
"you do as i say"

i use this more often than you would believe - when we start on this road at least one of the kids rolls their eyes into the back of their head, gives up and goes away, whilst one stays to see the outcome as the other is having the conversation with me