Will my son become bilingual

[Bri90]

I am English and husband is Polish, we have a 3 year old son who only speaks English. He understands everything in Polish but not speaking any at all apart from the odd word.

I really want him to be able to speak both languages fluently but I’m starting to lose hope that he isn’t going to pick it up.

Has anyone ever been in this situation than can give me any hope?

thanks

Hi. Both my kids are bilingual. I speak English, my husband speaks his language, of the country we love in ( ie not uk).

the key thing is to keep it consistent and make them reply back in the language. When my daughter was 3, she went though a phase of me speaking English to her, but her replying back in the other language. I spent a very painful month saying ‘what’s that in English’, every time, till she cracked and responded back in English. Never had the issue with younger sibling as he followed the example. Now they are both teens, and bilingual.

yes, so long as you keep exposing him to the other language. there's a resistance phase around age 5. but if you set the TV to Polish, read polish books to him and converse in polish (being slow to respond to english requests, but quick if its in polish), then it works.

Also look for a polish 'saturday school' near you.

If your DH keeps speaking in Polish he will. DS started a Welsh medium school at 4 (we are English speaking) and at 10 his teachers say they can't tell the difference between him and the children from Welsh speaking homes. It takes time but they get there as long as they are regularly exposed. Your DH should speak only Polish to your DS.

It's on your DH to be honest. He needs to put in the work.

I'm teaching my toddler my language. It's hard work to be honest. You need to be consistent and strict.

Thank you for all your responses.
Yes I keep having to tell my husband to speak in Polish.

Most speak home language at home and English at school, for them to speak Polish you need to be speaking to them in Polish at home.

This is the age to do it they are like sponges i wish I had a 2nd language. I have a friend whos kid is trilingual. Mum is english, dad is Italian and they live in spain . He was a later talker but hes 5 now and its amazing to see

Hang in there; in all likelihood it will be fine (I'm assuming your husband speaks Polish to him all the time? If not, I would start there).
I speak from experience; I am English and my husband is French. We did OPOL with our boys from when they were born (i.e. I only speak to them in English and their dad only speaks to them in French).
When my eldest was 3, he spoke English and Dutch very well (we live in the Netherlands) - I think because there is a lot of intersection between the two languages whereas French is more of the linguistic outlier here. He understood everything in French, but did not speak French.
When he turned 4, we sent him to French school (we are lucky to have one near us and we wanted to do this not only to help him foster relationships with his French family members - who do not all speak English - but also because we are most likely to move to a Francophone country next and wanted him to have a seamless transition into a Francophone education system there). We really wondered what would happen! Would he clam up/be traumatised? Only speak English/Dutch or refuse to speak at all?
In fact, it went brilliantly; he just accepted that he needed to speak French there and his productive skills really took off. He was easily a fluent French speaker within the year (though I think he was able to communicate in French with family far sooner than this). He's now 7 and completely fluent in English and French, and a passive speaker of Dutch (4/5 on his latest school report).
My youngest is about to turn 3 but he's already a very fluent speaker in all 3 languages (but he's got a different personality and skill set to my eldest). All children are different but you need a coherent and consistent whole-family strategy to enable them to achieve fluency.
It's one of the hardest things about raising multilingual kids: their languages change places all the time and it's really important to hold your nerve and keep in mind what your family goals are with the respective languages.
Since you are living in the UK and one of the dominant languages at home is English, I would definitely put emphasis on Polish (TV in Polish, local events in Polish, regular interactions with family in Polish, reading to him in Polish...). This puts a lot of pressure on your son's father but it will be worth it in the end.

a family member of ours is 6 and speaks 3 languages. Mums Filipino, dad’s English and mum also speakers Spanish. He speakers to his nanny in the Philippines every day. She dosn’t speak any English so he has no choice there. He also has special needs but it hasn’t held him back with language.

I'm am in the same language position as your husband. As in I'm the second language user in the another country.

My son is now 5 and fully bilingual.. honestly there is nothing you can really do. The pressure is on your husband. He has to make polish a part of your son's life and enjoyment, otherwise it won't stick.

And to be brutally honest it will only get harder. At 3, he is having more time with you both, but by the time he goes to school.. all day at school = English, friends = English, tv = English, games and hobbies = English etc. it doesn't get any easier to keep another language going.

For me what I did was -

Make sure I have plenty of alone time with my son, especially things like extended walks from birth where I talked and talked his ear off in English.

Over half of our story books are English, and I will read to him English books every night

At least one long trip to England a year so he spends time in a native setting with his English family

Found tv shows and hobbies that he has only experienced in English. For example he has a few cartoons he watches, but he has only seen the English versions so can only use English to discuss the fantasy/name based parts of the show..

Tought him reading in English and now I'm working on writing, because research has shown that both cement second languages. The stat was that kids that can read and write in a language by 8 are significantly less likely to every forget that language when they are older, even if they aren't regularly using it.

Of course through all of that he must use English. But he has never complained about that because all of that is really fun! Make the second language an essential and fun part of his life, and you won't have to force it.

But if 90% of this life and the things he is interested in is in his first language, except the 10% of the time when he is forced to talk to dad in another language.. of course he will never be fluent.

In simple terms your husband needs to step into a very big and enjoyable role into his life and take his language as part of it.

But only if Polish is that parent’s first language.

If your DH continues to speak to him in Polish, he will acquire that language and become bilingual to a degree. But he will also need other Polish language input. Does he spend time with other Polish speaking family members? Does he go to Poland for the holidays? The ideal scenario is to spend extended periods of time in environments where only Polish is spoken. Can you get Polish language TV programmes etc.

“Bilingual” can cover a wide range of scenarios. Many people are bilingual in pral communication in everyday settings. Some people are also bilingual when reading and writing - but this usually requires formal education in both systems.

One parent one language is the rule which works. You should try to find activities he can do with kids his age in Polish. Encourage visits of friends with kids who speak Polish, and also relatives who will speak Polish to him. Holiday in Poland, whether whole family or just your husband with your son. There are many good kids books in Polish too.

I’m bilingual, I only spoke Irish at home and English outside the home. Your husband just needs to only speak in Polish to him else it won’t stick especially with him starting school etc. Also books and TV shows in Polish too, not just English. I tried with my eldest but I didn’t speak enough Irish to him for it to work, my 3.5 year old is a bit better (has almost fluent conversations with me in Irish) and I’m trying even harder with my 1 year old.

Your husband should talk to him in Polish all the time and you in English and then he will learn.
My husband is Turkish and he said ours should learn English first and then he would teach them Turkish after. It didn't work and now they only speak English.

I have family in Germany with 2 DCs. Parents are both English-speaking and that's the usual language at home, DCs go to German schools, German friends etc. They're bilingual, I think through intensive exposure to both languages, although interestingly both DCs have a slight German accent when speaking English, and tend to use German sentence construction, eg verb at the end.

Does he have Polish grandparents or other family you can leave him with crib time to time?

Yes he spends the day with his grandparents once a week who only speak Polish.
he understands everything they are saying just always replies to them in English.

What aboit his dad? Does he speak Polish only to him?

It really doesn't happen on its own - my husband is French, and always spoke to the kids in French, but their French is hit&miss, they understand a lot, don't speak hugely.
I think he would have needed to make a real effort to source books, find TV shows, and really coach them in speaking (he let them answer in english, he would respond in French)

Yes, it is definitely possible, but you need to think about 2 things - firstly a plan to support your son’s language learning, and secondly something to incentivise him to learn - to “sell” the language (which is something we’re not good at in the UK).

To help with the first part, there’s a parents’ guide to language learning called The Bilingual Edge by King and Mackey that looks at second language teaching and how different families manage this. The book discusses the different stages of language learning & what children can do at different ages and how to help them. From memory, it deals with the issue you describe of moving a child from understanding to actively speaking.

It also deals with the different meanings of being bilingual, which is really helpful (before reading, I’d understood this to be equally competent in both languages which is quite a difficult goal & is not the same as being fluent - the book has a wider definition for bilingualism & focuses on what families can achieve in their individual circumstances, which I found to be much more positive).

Re motivation, it’s worth thinking about how often you will visit Poland and what your husband and his family can do to help motivate your son by providing a purpose for speaking & learning. There might be other options outside the family to practise eg if you have a local Polish shop. I think there are ideas in the book for this too.

Also just to say good luck - it’s a great gift to give your son.

It’s really up to your DH, he needs to be speaking Polish to your DS most of the time.

Friends who did this successfully had one parent speak their language and the other speaking English, child was bilingual.

Also reinforce it being normal and good to speak more than one language, get some Polish books and watch Polish tv so he can see normal
stuff going on in both languages

My husband has bilingual cousins. Their mum is bilingual too but made sure to never speak English to them at home so they learnt the other language as well as English. Their father only speaks English.

Can you go on holiday to Poland this year? At 3 my daughter pretty much refused to speak English until we went to the UK and she realised she'd have to talk English if she wanted other children at the park to understand her when she played with them. Now its the language she thinks in, despite being the minority language.

Could you ask them to tell him to reply in Polish?