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Original poster

At wits end - 8 year old DD severe emetophobia and won’t sleep.

26 replies

Ricecrispiesatsix · 07/02/2026 22:38

Just that really. Our 8 year old daughter has SEVERE emetophobia (phobia of vomit) and recently it’s spiralling out of control. Her older sister has been off school with a tummy ache this week, and as well as that a kid in her class has been vomiting. So her anxiety is through the roof.

Every night she cries herself to sleep until 11pm because she’s so scared of being sick. Sometimes one of us will sit with her to try and calm her, sometimes we leave her and pop in every 5-10 minutes, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. We can sit with her until she’s asleep, but when we try and leave she always wakes up and starts crying even more. She won’t sleep in our room in case her sister is sick in the night and comes in (this hasn’t happened in years btw and feels very unlikely).

Tonight I was supposed to be at a party but I had such a horrendous evening when DH was out earlier this week that I couldn’t do it to him. The only way is to tag team it but even then we’re struggling not to lose our tempers with her because we’re absolutely knackered.

I know it’s not her fault but it’s so so hard. The more tired she gets, the more she struggles to sleep and it’s all cumulative.

We paid for her to have psychotherapy last year and it helped for a while but we can’t afford it indefinitely. She’s on the waiting list for CAMHS. In the past when things have triggered her phobia she’s stopped eating evening meals (and she’s already on the first centile for her weight) and obsessively washed her hands until they bleed. Sleep has always been a huge issue for her. The more tired she gets, the more sick she feels and then the more difficult she finds it to sleep.

I can hear her sobbing right now. DH is with her and he’s doing a great job but she cannot be reasoned with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ricecrispiesatsix · 08/02/2026 21:04

User0549533 · 08/02/2026 20:12

Our eldest daughter is fine now but without really thinking about it said “I feel sick” at dinner time tonight and that was it - DD8 ran upstairs and wouldn’t sit at the same table as her. It’s all very frustrating.

That's totally to be expected, having someone say they feel sick out of the blue is one of the biggest emetophobia triggers. That would even make me freak out and I consider myself mostly recovered. The important part is to focus on getting her everyday life back into order, especially in such a way that doesn't impact the rest of the family. Being able to eat and sleep normally is a foremost priority.

These are triggers that everyone in the family need to avoid saying or doing whenever possible. It's not enabling the phobia, but giving the person headspace to avoid their thoughts. Even fully recovered emetophobes find it very unpleasant to hear things like this:

  1. Anyone announcing out of the blue that they feel sick, especially in an enclosed space like a car or dinner table. If someone does feel mildly sick (ie. not to the point of throwing up within the next 5 minutes), please just refrain from talking about it.

  2. No graphic stories from recent times involving vomit and sickness. Loads of people seem to enjoy saying how "they were up all night throwing up" because of some virus or food poisoning. If they feel totally fine at the present moment, just don't mention any vomit stories from the past.

  3. Theatrical exaggeration about how they tend to get car sick, motion sick or how someone's kids would puke all over the place in certain places. Again, it's really not relevant to conversation and nobody benefits from knowing about that, least of all an emetophobe.

  4. Loudly questioning if food tastes off or if anyone else feels funny after eating a certain meal that the emetophobe was also part of. Again, even if this were the case, it doesn't help anyone to discuss it in detail. Or having made everyone a meal and making everyone aware that one ingredient was expired.

  5. If someone does feel sick or is sick, fully expect the emetophobe to want to distance themselves as far as possible and don't shame her for it. It's not offensive or heartless, it's just part of specific behaviour of a MH issue. There are loads of mums who love their children but need their partners to clean up vomit. It's really not a huge deal in the bigger picture.

In future, if the other daughter feels sick, you can proactively allow your DD to sleep in another room. She will be hugely grateful for your understanding and that in itself is enough to reduce stress levels and, ironically, improve the phobia.

Emetophobia is a condition that on the mildest level, only results in minor lifestyle quirks. Since most people don't spend every week vomiting, it's not a huge deal to accommodate the emetophobe on the 1-2 times a year someone in the house has a stomach bug. Let them stay in a different room, let them use different eating utensils and let them stick to their safe diet for a few days. It will eventually blow over. Actively fighting this or shaming the emetophobe for their behaviour in a flight or fight moment is not productive.

Yeah we actually made our older daughter go and eat in a separate room this time because she needs to learn not to randomly say “I feel sick” when she doesn’t - she knows it’s a massive trigger for her sister and she was (we think) doing it to wind her up. She wasn’t happy at all about eating on her own so hopefully lesson learnt.

DD 8 moved into her own room in September and that made a HUGE difference to her sleep for a while. She currently can’t do sleepovers or residential trips (eg with brownies) because sleeping in the same room as other children triggers her anxiety.

I hope you’re right and this will blow over. It’s been a particularly difficult couple of weeks.

The kid who keeps vomiting in her class is a huge issue too. School are trying to be accommodating but it’s really hard for them too. It’s a one form entry so there isn’t a different class in her year group she can go to. I’ve spoken to her teachers a few times and can tell they are getting exasperated with her. Maybe I need to speak to the Senco. Every morning is a huge drama at the school gates.

But mainly we just need her to SLEEP. Currently sitting in dark with her, she’s calm and has her eyes closed but I know that if I try and move that will all change!

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