Baby not travelling well on car seat - how do other families do long journeys?

[Mum1822]

What do you do when baby can’t tolerate the car and is being very slow to grow out of it?

My 1yo has never enjoyed the car seat. Initially she cried for all journeys before she passed out with exhaustion, so we limited them to only essential journeys. As she’s gotten older she’s tolerated longer journeys, but the whole way I’m constantly trying to distract her and she always seems only minutes away from another crying fit. We’ve not managed more than 30 mins before the tears start, so that’s pretty much been the furthest we will travel as a family. The crying is stressful for everyone, for baby, me, older child who has additional needs and finds the screaming hard, and DH who drives and is very stressed out by 5 mins of screaming. We’ve barely done anything as a family in the last year.

Also for all of last year family came to us and we have hardly taken her to visit anyone. I think family are expecting we should be the ones to make the trip soon (especially as they don’t drive). Would you keep pushing back? It’s 2h each way in the car and we’d normally come back the same day, but I can see it being broken up for rest stops so it ends up being a 3-4h journey each way and it would be very inconvenient to stay over. What do other families do?

(We do use public transport occasionally, but it’s inevitably a multi-stage journey which is also hard on my older child.)

Mine was the same. We stuck to thirty mins max. He got a bit better around 15 months so we went up to an hour, but no further. So no visits to family. It wasn't safe, and I wasn't putting my child and whole immediate family through it.

We drive during nap times as it's so much easier! Also lots of toys within reach.

I'm sure your family are reasonable people who don't want a one-year-old (and your older child) to suffer to save them a trip?

It won't be like this forever.

We use trains. Mostly we travel for leisure (no relatives elsewhere in UK) so we rule out any complex journeys, and we travel from London so we can visit plenty of places direct or with max one change.

Drive at nap times or overnight.

I normal travel by train

or we time journeys around naps. Otherwise it’s just awful

Re naps she actually travels best just after a nap when she’s well rested (but still only manages 30 mins before she becomes restless). Otherwise she cries for 15-20mins before she wants to nap which is horrible for everyone.

We only want to travel 2 hours and visit loca areas so not looking to drive overnight.

I wouldn’t mind taking the train, but most journeys would be car/ bus, then train, then bus/tube/car.

Not sure how much longer the train will be the easier option as she becomes a toddler.

We use a kindle, put it in a holder on the chair and put a favourite film or TV series on. Older sibling is useful in the back to hand toys etc

Mine were much calmer when I sat in the middle seat at the back next to them. I hated it a bit but made the journey much more peaceful.

I’m sitting in the back handing toys over too - some are played with for a few minutes, some will last a few seconds. It’s the only way we got to 30 mins and the last time I ran out of toys in the last 5 mins. Older child is sitting in the front, much sooner than we would have liked but it is what it is.

I didn’t want to resort to screens so young. 😭

The other thing I would consider is how comfortable her car seat actually is. If she's still in her infant carrier I'd look at getting a high quality ERF seat as they tend to be much better for comfort.

You’ve probably done this but are the new born inserts out, straps correctly adjusted and have you checked for any uncomfortable bits? I read about a woman whose child hated the car seat, turns out there was a sharp needle likething that stuck into child every journey.
It might be worth trying a different car seat if you can borrow one.

Has she always been in the same carseat?
When we moved my wee one from his infant carrier into an erf seat he was so much happier. He loves watching out the window now because he’s higher up.

I also find that he’s happier when I’m not sat in the back with him because if he can see me he just wants me to pick him up and obviously doesn’t understand yet why I can’t.

Mine were very car sick so we didn't do journeys over 30 minutes unless they were guaranteed to sleep.
We couldn't do any screens or books/colouring in the car for the same reason.
Didn't really get better til they could take travel sickness pills and forward face/go in the front.

Honestly don't think we drove any longer than about 90 minutes at a time for 5 years!

try another car seat?
dc was just not comfortable and a different seat made all the difference

Moving up to the big ERF seat instead of the infant seat made a huge difference.

Also don’t sit in the back, don’t be wagging toys around or trying to entertain. It’s like when parents hover around the door at nursery instead of just leaving. It prolongs the upset.

That said, I wouldn’t travel 4 hours round trip in a day to see anyone! My dc are preteens and teens now and I wouldn’t do 4 hours in the car for a family visit. You need to make a weekend of it and get an Airbnb. 4 hours of driving, which is likely to be 6-8 hours with stops, is just not reasonable for a day trip.

Ms Rachel on a screen - then he would usually fall asleep after a while and it would be turned off. and I didnt worry about it as its not going to do the slightest bit of damage for the sake of a 2 hour car journey

We limited car journeys till she was 18 months and grew out of it. But when longer journeys were necessary, I sat in the back with her so she could have snacks while DH drove (obviously snacks closely supervised due to choking risk with sensible options chosen) and the tablet on a tablet holder playing downloaded Iplayer shows. The danger of screen time is when it replaces interaction but it’s far preferable to an upset child in the car.

Drive fri evening after kids bedtime so they sleep
Stay in hotel.
Visit rels Saturday
Drive home after bedtime.

So you’d rather your child scream hysterically? How is that beneficial
over temporary distracting screen use, only when travelling? Bonkers

My LO (1yr old) was the same in the car. We are a very outdoorsy family and I’m not huge on screen time generally, however, in the car I do make an exception. We have family hours away and found, as PP has suggested, putting a tablet with some CBeebies downloaded on it into a holder on the rear of the seat helps no end. We also travel at nap times which is usually an hour passed. Never had an issue since we do this and I am not stressed out driving listening to baby cry.

DD2 is the same, so we have had a few trips where we divide and conquer. DH drives us part of the way to a station vaguely en route, but within her driving tolerance time. DD1 and DH continue in the car, and DD2 and I get the train. You only need a small stroller and a change bag with essentials, snacks and toys. The rest of the stuff goes in the car. If the times align, great. If not, DH and DD1 will add in more rest stops/find a supermarket with a cafe at the other end/whatever, and meet us there.

I did 2hr drives with DD since she was born and between 12-36 months you have to time it with naps. Get her super tired beforehand and set off a bit later than when she'd normally nap. If you're lucky, you can easily get a solid 2 hr sleep both ways. Another option is to drive at 9-10pm when she'll be asleep anyway.

2-4 years were unfortunately the worst. Lots of moaning and protesting for no reason whatsoever. I always had small toys and lollipops to bribe her during the trip but would often deal with 1-2hrs of solid screaming. That was by far the hardest part of driving with a child. There was a time when I had to make a stop at 1hr, visit some sort of attraction or museum and then continue. So each drive was basically a day trip.

After 4 gets easier because you can play music or stories she likes, even though it might be hell for you to listen to. Around 6 is when it gets significantly easier because you can chat or play I Spy or other car games to pass time.

Car sickness wasn't never an issue with us. Some children just hate driving during random phases of their life. 0-7months and 2-4years were hell. The biggest miracle is that we never had a car accident during that time. I also honestly don't know how other families do it. I don't think most babies can sit in peace for hours. Many scream as well but the parents are just better at ignoring it.