Dreading bedtimes as they are such hard work

[Poolgirl66]

i know I’m going to get a lot of stick for this post however I need some solidarity

LO is 2 and a half. Bedtimes are just taking their toll on me. She won’t go down unless I sit in the room next to her, this was fine until recently where it’s been taking her hour, hour and a half, sometimes even two hours to go down.

the problem is, when I’m sat next to her, she just messes around. Telling me there’s a spider on her, singing, flicking her teeth with her nails to make a sound etc etc. this wouldn’t bother me at all if I could get up and leave the room and let her do her thing until she falls asleep but I can’t - the second I leave she is screaming crying hysterically calling my name. When I go back in, she stops and starts messing around again.

I have tried everything. I’ve looked at nap times - is she napping too much, maybe too little, earlier bed time, later bed time. Saying one phrase and not engaging, tapping, hold hands,
Tonies box, night light, white noise, lullabies, moving the chair close to the door - pretty much whatever you can think I’ve tried. This has been months in the making trying things.

we have had the same routine since she was very very little, dinner, little bit of a play with low stimulation so things like puzzle, colouring etc while dinner goes down, bath & bottle, brush teeth, story time & cuddles, into bed. Bedtime is always around the same time every night - half gour earlier on nursery days which is 2 x a week.

I’ve been at work since 7am today - and I am only now just getting to sit down and write this. I’m a single mum and sitting in a dark quiet room for hours whilst my toddler rolls around making noises is taking its toll. Having to then potter around the house at 9pm and shower, as I’ve spent over 2 hours sat in a room on a chair. I very very rarely moan about parenthood but this is one thing that gets to me - so much so that I ended up walking out tonight and listening to her cry for about 30 mins and when I finally shouted upstairs go to sleep, she did. And now I’m crying in my tea for being horrible to my poor toddler.

health visitor told me at her review to just walk out and leave her and shelllget the drift after a few days but most MN posts advise against… I am definitely confused and struggling with where to turn on this one.

A sleep coach told me the biggest issue is parents try different techniques and routines but never give it long enough. A routine to embed properly and be effective, take up to 3 weeks. Most parents give in after a week.

Stick with something, be persistent and calm. Praise and reward when she goes down in a reasonable timeframe. Sit by the door, every couple of nights move closer out the door by literally a foot each time. Soon, you can be the other side of the door hopefully.
Every stage is a phase and will pass!

I remember that time well, though even at age 10 it's an ongoing ritual and I have to stay upstairs because DC is neurodiverse and scared of being in bed on own.

Playing relaxing bedtime music very quietly helped for a while, even though I couldn't leave, it seemed to soothe. Also bedtime audio stories, again quietly so they need to listen carefully so avoids distraction. Xx

Solidarity. We have been at it for 1 hour 10 min with my 14th month..I am sat here thinking of all the jobs I still have to do ! Laundry, dishwasher, dog and wrap a gift for a party tomorrow…

Say goodnight after a bedtime story that she gets to pick, read with a mood light on, a kiss and a cuddle and a goodnight, walk out. If she screams, let her, if she gets up, pick her up without saying ANYTHING, repeat as many times every night until she sees it's not getting her anywhere. I had this with my daughter around 3 yo, it's exhauting at the time but it took around a week for her to settle but it does work. One night I did this 30+ times from 7pm. I wanted to walk out grrr, but it worked, eventually. Best of luck 👍

Cut out the bath so close to bedtime. I bath my 2y/o dd before dinner now and it has changed everything. The bath was too stimulating. She's now in her jammies by 5.30. She then has dinner and I only allow lamplight after that. By 7, she's very calm. I give her a final bit of porridge while she cuddles on my knees (the stodge makes her sleepier) and then it's books and bed. No lights on en route to bed ie in the hall except for the torch light on my phone. White noise already on the go in bedroom when we arrive into it. I deliberately do loads of yawning and talk about being tired from 7 onwards (basically a bit of hypnosis).
Since I started all this, I've gone from 2 hrs jumping on the bed and madness to 30 min bedtimes.

Hi ladies
thanks all for the advice and comments - wanted to update in case anyone was wondering for themselves or comes across this thread when they’re in the trenches!!

I dropped the nap and bedtimes have been an absolute breeze!!!!

last couple hours of the day are quite tough going with lots of tears and wanting cuddle and milk. But we push through and bedtimes are about 20-30 mins now .

thanks to all the mums who suggested nap drop!!! Appreciate it lots and finally I can eat before 10pm again, life is good lol

I wish I’d been given and followed your health visitors advice years because my children are now 9 and 7 and I still have nightly bedtime dramas and shenanigans and the (what feels like) hours sat on bedroom floors to get them to sleep. I’m pleased to read by your update that things have improved for you!

My daughter is 2 and I can’t bear the idea of leaving her to cry in her cot. So instead of sitting in her bedroom while she falls asleep I stand outside the door once I’ve tucked her into bed and talk to her through the door. She’ll call for me and I just say “mummy’s here” and genuinely she’s asleep within a few minutes.

Could you try that maybe?