Is it normal for a doctor to recommend unpottytraining?

[Newishmom]

So just a basic overview my sister's daughter got potty trained over the Christmas break started having accidents again we went to go see her GP and he recommended unpotty training as her letter has not developed fully and she will continue on having these accidents throughout her life is this normal?

Not gonna like I had to leave the room Christmas Day I think they were the first one she got that makes you kind of emotional @justthecat

Yes - therapy is definitely a good direction. Friends used okay therapy for their son after abuse disclosure and has massively helped him and them over the years. Best of wishes to you and your niece x

We got her fully very close to Christmas so we didn't really have any time to get her into any therapy I guess I kind of forgot I really hope that doesn't make me a bad mother @DangoDays

It’s not been mentioned yet but often being constipated can cause incontinence.
The ERIC website should cover this aspect.

I mean she doesn't feel constipated shd poops available two or three times a day @BreakingBroken

The contipated plug is higher up a bit too complicated to write up. Check the Eric site.

Totally agree with all other advice you’ve got, speak to social worker & GP because I suspect what you need here is a multi factor approach here.

Play therapy would be a great start, it sounds like she hasn’t had an easy life so far and these things can hugely impact toilet training. Even if it doesn’t help with the toilet aspect, it would still be a great thing for her as she will no doubt have a lot to process.

Incontinence team referral also worth a look, I think our local one take referral’s once child is over 4 so you should be okay and they can check for any medical reasons really.

Hey don't be hard on yourself. Christmas isn't even a month ago. It might seem like ages but you've barely had this child a month.

Lots of places inc non essential medical places close or reduce staff at Christmas.

You'll get there, you clearly care and want to do the right thing by her.

Honestly I'm very worried the only thing is I am worried if this takes it's gonna be kind of suspicious that the two kids I have are needing nappies @Jellybunny56@BreakingBroken

I was thinking about that too it could be constipation. One of mine started pooing themselves and it was constipation.

Shes just moved in with you, that probably means a change of diet, which can cause constipation. Op let me guess you have her eating fruit and veg that her body isn't used too?

It's just very hard I really do indeed love both of them it's just very hard when they're boat in nappies @Needspaceforlego

I mean her diet have to change and while she was eating was McDonald's and the occasional homemade sandwich when I was over @Needspaceforlego

OP, i think it would be essential to be getting therapy for her as others have said. Get social services to refer. You might find it worthwhile getting in touch with kinship carer charities or adoption charities just to help you with looking for issues or using language/finding services so that you can advocate for her as well as you can. As you have found, the advice will differ hugely between “child with incontinence issues” and “abused and traumatised child with incontinence issues” and this may be true of other issues, so really helpful to have someone to help you with signposting.

Thank you so much for your advice I'm calling her social worker on Monday as I doubt she can do much over the weekend @matresense

Are you in England? Because of her background you should be able to access Play Therapy free of charge. Talk to whoever in your Local Authority that has been involved in placing her with you . It may be a long process but it is very effective

Also, please don’t worry about being a bad mum due to this. The most important thing is that you love her, want to do the best for her and keep going. Get as much support as you can. Good luck.

So she came to live with you just before Christmas?
Where was she before then?

Was the GP aware of her background?

Yeah I'm in England I'm going to try I'm going to try getting her social worker to help me get her into play therapy I did some research last night has benefits for someone her age @Tryagain26

@Newishmom yes thats exactly what I meant. It could be the introduction of more fiber into her diet and her body not used to processing it.

It might be worth asking on the foster / adoption boards for other people who have been through the same thing.

Honestly I Can't Help But worry I honestly worry mostly about her continents her GP says mostly she will be back in nappies for life@matresense

Quite literally she moved in five days before Christmas presents were such a rushed managed to get everything Bar One present I'm pretty sure they moved her from her house to mine don't call me on that and yes the GP fully about our background and he said this much trauma could cause permanent continents @Seeline

I mean her poos are very mushy before we start feeding her healthy it could just be her body getting used to it but it doesn't explain why she's peeing @Needspaceforlego

Sounds far more likely to be psychological rather than physical given her background. I can't see how a GP can announce it's a permanent problem off the back of one appointment.
I would ask for a specialist referral and seek some counselling/therapy for her.

I mean I said in the original post its hitting her shrunk bladders @Seeline

But how has the GP come to this conclusion? Has she had any scans/tests previously?