Mobile phone at 10 years old?

[Mich1986]

My child keeps asking for a phone and I am not sure what to do? They have just turned 10 and a few classmates now have them. It would be a cheap one with no access to certain things, but are they too young? What age did you give your child a phone?

My child got a phone at 10 and a half. Purely because that's when she started going to the corner shop by herself. She only used it at that age when she was going to that shop by herself or I went to the corner shop.

N absolutely not. There are always parents that give in but you don’t have to be one of them. Yes there are parental controls but they do t always work 100%. Let kids be kids and limit their screen time.

My child had/has a basic Nokia at that age for the same reason (walking to shop etc). I also attached a AirTag to it. They do not have a smart phone.

Just say no.

If you "must", get a shared house dumb phone that you he can borrow when he's going out on his own/to somewhere with friends so he can text you when he's ready to be collected or something.

My 10 year old has a Nokia dumbphone for walking to school/the shops. Kids of this age don’t need a smartphone or social media.

My ten year old doesn’t have a phone. When the time comes it will be a basic phone. No WhatsApp/social media etc

My eldest got his first at that age. We got a reconditioned one off Amazon as I didn’t want him going round with anything expensive.

put on max parental controls and made
sure I knew all the passwords. Checked it regularly.

also put a tracker on it which was handy for him getting the bus home from school.

my younger child was 8 but that was
during the pandemic and lock downs and we got her one to maintain contact with friends.

Please look up ‘smartphone free childhood’. It’s a growing movement in the UK gathering significant momentum and provides great info on when may be right to get any sort of phone - highly recommending getting a ‘brick phone’ type of device. There is a huge amount of growing research talking about the dangers of smartphones and social media more widely. Australia is leading the way with this, banning social media for under 16s completely, and there has been talk just this week of the UK following this model soon too. The basis of the smartphone free childhood movement is getting all the parents in your class to sign up so none of the kids get a smartphone in primary school (as a minimum, ideally much later) and then you don’t get the FOMO from them about being left out. I know it’s hard when they are saying they are being left out, but honestly the horrific stories of the harm being done to kids with any sort of access to social media or messaging apps is so so much worst. I would only look at a brick phone at the very most.

Mine will get one at 9 which is the summer before she is expected to walk to and from school on her own.

Read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt or watch him on Triggonometry on Youtube talking about the main messages in his book. They are destroying children's attention and mental health. It will make up your mind.

And she didn't, and still doesn't at 12, have access to the internet on it and doesn't have any social media or anything. She did have access to wotsapp but I'll admit I've since blocked the wotsapp. So she just can text people now. And I check it as well. And it has downtime etc etc

I would resist as long as you can, and I say that as a parent with a daughter with a phone. Luckily she hardly uses it but it's far far easier to just say no in the first place than it is to resist the additional requests or roll back on any wrong decisions you make.

My daughter is 10, is incredibly sensible, and only has a handful of friends on it, but there have been a couple of times things from school have spilled on to the phone and it's not pleasant, whereas if it was left at school it would blow over a lot more quickly. There was a time also where a friend added her to a group chat with kids from another school, she didn't know any of them. I just wish I'd never let her have it as I'm continually trying to just roll it back a bit even from the little she has it.

I would say it's better for both of you to resist it.

Only if they go out alone.

Those who don’t buy their kids even non smart phones, do your children go out by themselves? I think there’s a correlation.

Mine does, but rarely takes her phone with her. She doesn't have it for that reason.

My children both had them aged 10 when they started to walk to and from school themselves. They weren’t really interested in them so we didn’t have any problems.

That’s the age my daughter got her first phone - even though we always said her 11th birthday so she had one in time for walking to and from school when she went to secondary, she got one earlier purely because there was literally nothing else I could think of to get her as a main Xmas gift. It’s an iPhone, and the only app she’s got is WhatsApp, no games or YouTube, and obviously no social media.
it’s been a year now, and we’ve had no issues. If we go out as a family, she leaves it at home 9 times out of 10. She also doesn’t carry it around the house with her or anything, she’ll go all day without touching it sometimes.
i would say usage has gone up since being in secondary, but still not horrendous.
i really do believe that it’s the social media access which causes issues, rather than just owning a phone.

against my better judgement I gave one to my 10 yo for use at weekends only who bypassed restrictions TWICE. It has now been taken away and they agree they never needed it.

the group chats were hideous - kids messaging asking for calls at 10pm because they’re bored?! Go to sleep! Where are the parents?!

ask yourself what they actually need it for, check out smart phone free childhood on Instagram, research the effect on their brains, consider your own phone usage, what restrictions you’d like them to have, consider what you’d do if they came across porn, paedophiles etc what apps they’re allowed and so on.

My daughter has a slightly older friend in secondary and my daughter was telling me about all the dramas that happen via this phone, kids on groups chats arguing all night, bullying etc. How quickly the group chats expand as kids add other kids from other schools etc. One morning they woke up after a sleepover and the friend had over 1000 messages on one group chat. It sounds almost impossible to monitor as a parent. Why do these 12 year olds have a phone all night?!

My child is just turning 10 and goes out to play in local streets with no phone. I believe she’s responsible enough to manage this and come home when asked. She asks parents to contact me if she goes into friends houses. In 18mo time when she goes to high school I’ll need to decide whether to get her a brick phone but I tend to think they are either ready to go out themselves or they are not, and the work at this age is trying to prepare them to manage and problem solve when out without us. I think just because we can track kids doesn’t mean we should, or that it is good for them.

Find out exactly why she wants a phone. If its just to message friends see if you can have a work around that doesn't involve access to a personal Internet device.

My ds is in year 6 and just about to turn 11. He has a Nokia brick phone. About half of his friends have a smartphone but I’m going to resist that for as long as possible.

Thank you everyone for your replies, it’s been helpful. If he gets one it wouldn’t be a smart phone, just something simple for calls, texts. Will
have a chat with dh before making a decision.

Just came across this thread. Thinking of buying a phone for my son. The ones who bought a standard phone no social media etc - how are your kids handling school mates? Im
Nervous that this would cause bullying of my son. Thank you

Get them the watch that has tracking and calls to parents/chosen numbers only, takes a cheap SIM card.