Pick me 7 year old

[FluentMintEagle]

Hi everyone.

struggling with how to deal with my daughter and having trouble explaining what the problem is. Background she is 7 and she is very kind, lovely, sweet and very away with the fairies.

However when it comes to school I feel like recently she’s become a bit obsessed with being popular/cool and is the kind of girl who will seek validation from others. I’m having trouble actually putting it into words but I think this is the best way to explain it, I am 34 and she is my first oldest girl (I have a boy who’s a year older and another 8mo girl) but I personally don’t care too much what people think of me, I also seek no validation to be liked by anyone however I do get on with a lot of people. She seems somewhat the opposite. She’s becoming obsessed with what she looks like and what she wears etc. I love the fact she’s a girly girl as am I but I don’t want looks or having the ‘cool’ things to define her, she’s so much more than that.

When I was at school I was popular, I had a lot of friends and generally liked school. Now I watch her with her friends and hear stuff she tells me and I think she tries far too hard to be liked or to be funny etc. It kind of irritates me because I want her to be herself and make her own choices and not do things to please others or for them to think she is ‘cool’. I’m new to this mum stuff with girls and this is the first time I’ve felt really lost with how to deal with this stuff. I do want to try and address it before she loses herself more.

Is this just her age? Do all girls go through this part where they find themselves and their groups? She doesn’t have a specific friendship group she sort of floats between people and the rest of them seem to have settled into groups now.

if you’ve got through this and are a mum to a girl (or boy) and have any experiences similar or advice for me I would massively appreciate it. I don’t think I’ve done a great job on getting down what I’m trying to say but I’m 8 months post partum and my brain still isn’t working properly I hope you can understand what h mean. Thanks for reading.

I consciously try to praise her for things other than her looks and say things like ‘wow that was really kind of you’ ‘oh wow that was brave you should be proud of yourself’ instead of compliments on looks etc. It wouldn’t bother me in any way if she wasn’t girly I was just saying I like it that she is. However it is a good point and I’m glad you’ve brought it up so that I can try and be more aware. You know I’ve also always been conscious to look at myself in the mirror etc and say ‘I look great’ etc because of the whole diet culture/ self picking apart culture I never wanted her to see me tearing myself down like if she sees me confident that will become her normal? Maybe I’ve over done it lol and actually created a pressure in her, oh dear 😩

I’m sure you’re doing great, praising her being positive.

I think what you’ve put here is normal for many seven year old girls. A kind of desire to be socially aware, noticing things about their clothes etc

I’m more assured now but it’s taken many years and peri to get there. Seven is no age and she’s probably just growing up a bit.

Yeah no maybe you’re right. There is a lot to think about in this comment and I had to google what pigeon holed meant. I need to chill out and stop overthinking it.

It’s not really like I want her to be like me, I really just want her to be happy. I don’t believe anyone who wants validation from other people is truly happy. But she is 7 so of course she will be changing and maybe she is actually just branching out.