To be 1 year old still being spoon fed…

[patsypam]

My DS is soon be be 1. And just as the title says, he’s still being spoon fed. I’ve done a mix of feeding from 6 months, puree and finger food. He’ll ether just sit and stare at the finger food, or will pick it up and mush it everywhere and fling it, he very very rarely will pick it up and put it in his mouth.
I’ve tried pre loading spoons for him, he ether picks up the wrong end or just smacks it against his tray so all the food ends up everywhere and then throws the spoon on the floor. So again, no food in his mouth.

The only time he actually ingests food is it I’m spoon feeding him or putting finger food in his mouth.

He seems to still be really fussy with texture too, despite having a big variety since 6 months. I don’t know if it’s a lazy thing as it seems as though anything he has to chew consistently for abit he’ll spit back out.

I’ve done the whole put food infront of him, leave him to it. Eat with him, let him eat off my plate, loaded cutlery etc etc, every time he eats virtually nothing.

Where as if I’m feeding him, for example he’ll eat and good sized portion of cottage pie or spaghetti bolognese, fruit, a yoghurt, and maybe a rusk. (Which he’ll eat himself)

the only things he will eat alone is Ella’s kitchen melt sticks / puffs, occasionally fruit, he sometimes attempts a sandwich but it’s like he doesn’t have a clue how to eat it and mostly just smooshed it all over his mouth until it’s fallen into a million little pieces.

He starts with a childminder in the new year - and I’m at a loss and honestly exasperating from trying. It’s really getting me down.
Or am I expecting too much?? I’m not expecting him to be spooning dinners off a plate or bowl and feeding himself a full meal, but he just doesn’t seem to want to try and feed himself.

Hes down to 3x 7 oz bottles a day. Which he normally doesn’t finish. One first thing in the morning, breakfast is normally 1.5-2 hours after, then lunch, then a bottle before his nap and then dinner and a bottle before bed.

I think he’s hit all other milestones rolling, crawling, was walking before 11 months, says mama, dada, claps. (Doesn’t point or wave yet and the rest of his speech is pretty much babble and screech’s.) At our last HV visit she was happy with him. And commented on how active he is (which he is, he does not stop!)

Help as I’m loosing my mind stressing over it….

I only offer the packaged snacks when out and about, it’s very far and few inbetween, when at home he doesn’t really have snacks at the moment.

But I will keep offering and persevering! Thank you xxxxx

I’ve read that often too, and found great comfort in it up until now. But being that he’s 1 in just a few days time… I can’t help but start to feel anxious and stressed that after 6 months he still isn’t interested in touching/feeding himself food. I think the impending end of milk feedings has ramped up my stress, but I’ll keep going as I have been, spoon feeding so I know he’s eating but offering finger foods at every meal too. Thank you x

When you feel like that, which you will do often as a parent, just always ask yourself ...will he be doing this at 18? Or 'do I know anyone who is 30 and can't do this?'.

All of it will come with time.

He will feed himself. He will sleep through the night. He will walk. He will talk. He will potty train. He will stop having tantrums/biting/hair pulling He will read.

You'll go grey with worry, but he will do all of those things because they're all part of healthy development.

The only exception is children with disabilities of course, but I assume you would have mentioned if that were the case.

He's not interested in eating the food because he's full from lots of milk and spoon feeding - it's fine for him to just experiment with squishing/play with finger food, as you reduce the milk and spoon feeding then he will naturally become more hungry and more interested in putting stuff in his mouth.

You are 100% right. I know you are, I’ve actually thought I’ve been pretty relaxed about most aspects of milestones thus far, I don’t know what it is about eating that triggers me so much.

But I find myself constantly deflated after every meal when he’s again, shown zero interest in touching/eating food himself. I have zero issue feeding him, I actually enjoy feeding him and knowing he’s got a full tummy, but I think I worry I’m causing the problem (despite offering finger food always and trying to encourage it at every meal).

x

Hm. Not helpful for your particular question, but I can't help but remember that yesterday I was reading a post here on Mumsnet of a 40-year-old husband whose mother (poster's mother-in-law) would come over and spoon feed him dessert so.... Maybe your 1-year-old doesn't have that much of a problem?

🥄 🥣

My eldest was like this. He liked his food but sat there like a little prince having it spooned in. He went to nursery and one day (he was nearly 2 by then) my husband took in his bag which had been forgotten and saw him eating breakfast, spooning food quite happily into his own gob.

Basically he was lazy and didn't do anything if he thought someone else would do it for him. He's 20 now and we still tease him about it.

Oh wow 😂😂

Haha - that’s brilliant. I’m really hoping seeing other children eat will spear him on! But totally relate to the little prince bit 😂 he’ll happily ganite it down when being spoon fed, just doesn’t seem to know what to do with it when he comes to doing it himself. X

You're not causing a problem, and he's really still a baby so if he downs a great portion from spoon feeding then keep doing it. He'll get there himself in the end😊

i really feel the expectations on babies to feed themselves and eat sufficient quantities are so unrealistic for many of them.

for context, it’s normal for a baby to start walking anywhere from 10months - 18 months. That’s a huge age range for someone that young! so why would we use such specific timelines by which they have to be eating. it’s unnecessarily stressful.

Honestly there comes a point somewhere around 18 months to 2.5 when most toddlers become OBSESSED with doing everything themselves. It’s actually incredibly annoying and draining 🤦‍♀️ so in time this phase may well work in your favour!

I’ve had the opposite issue and mine have all largely refused to be spoon fed and only want to do it themselves. They also threw huge amounts of food on the floor which drove me insane but seems an inevitable part of development too.

If I were you I’d just carry on as you are, offer finger foods where it makes sense to and spoon feed him what you normally would. I think gradually in time this will just resolve itself.

As a side note, if you’ve not tried them the suction on the bamboo bamboo plates/bowels is really very good. And doddl cutlery is the most child friendly of any I’ve come across if/when he does decide he wants to use his own utensils.

I think watching others at the childminder will likely be very beneficial too. My younger two have mastered how to use a fork at a very young age without me ever showing them as they have watched my eldest and want to copy. I spend many pointless hours trying to teach my eldest and he just did it when he was ready!

Honestly, MN can be the worst place for infant feeding that isn’t BLW leading into a child who can cook a slap up dinner by the age of 10.

I feel this deeply in all respects of being a parent these days. My mum often says, we didn’t have all this stress when we became mothers because the internet and social media especially weren’t a thing. And it’s 100% true… there is so much forced down your throat even when you’re not looking for it, and it definitely is triggering.

My little one was walking by 11 months, he always been very egar to get going, with very little encouragement from me, so maybe that’s where his priorities lie. I’ll try and take a deep breath and relax about the feeding, knowing that too will come. X

If you want to get him to practice i would maybe try with a finger food lunch it sounds like he has a good breakfast so you could just let him try himself and not worry to much about quantity?

You’re right, I should enjoy these moments instead of stressing over the independence of it all. He’ll get there, I’ll just keep offering him opportunities.

I’ll have a look into the bamboo suction bowl/plate as the ones I’ve got are shite! He was able to lift it off by 7 months old! And I’ll look into the cutlery too, although I feel we’re a far way off him using his own utensils yet, but that’s ok.

Thank you for sharing. X

My little boys 14 months and he is still spoon fed porridge in the morning and he’ll eat a sandwich of croissant himself and bits of cheese and fruit that he can naw on.
For evening meals for example if we have a roast he will have the meat and veg and potato mashed with gravy which would be very messy so I’ll spoon feed him while he has a Yorkshire pudding to suck in between so he feels like he’s fed himself and you know he’s eaten and slowly go the other ways so he’s feeding himself more and your feeding less, he’ll get there.
Or have two spoons so you can pop one in while he’s scooping some on his.

If he just waves a spoon about then hes getting the feel of it.

That is what I generally do, lunch is usually sandwich fingers, cheese on toast, cheese crackers, cucumber sticks, fruits etc but he doesn’t really interact with it at all. Just sits and stares aimlessly out the patio doors or will pick it up and smush it then flick it everywhere. Its almost as if he hasn’t grasped that he needs to pick it up and put it to his mouth, he’s also not great at understanding having to bite down on some foods to take a bite. (He has 7 teeth currently) which is why I was doubting if I was the problem because I continue to spoon feed him outside of lunch, and if it’s something bit I’ll break bits off and finger feed it to him. But I just can’t bare the thought of him not eating knowing that when I assist, he eats so well. Lunch I never mind so much if he doesn’t eat much/anything as I know he’s had a good breakfast and will have a bottle shortly after for his afternoon nap. When the bottles stop that might be a different story though. X

That’s reassuring, and a great idea. I’ll give some of this a go. X

Sit and eat with him - or even sit him on your lap so he can reach your food. If he sees you eating a sandwich he will want to copy.

I don’t think you need to worry!

I had the opposite issue with my eldest - refused to ever eat anything from a fork or spoon so I did enforced baby led weaning. It was a mess but he ended up eating well, so it turned out fine. He’s now 4 and able to use cutlery normally.

Not sure if it’s good advice, but perhaps you could offer one meal a day of just finger foods, if you’re really keen to get him feeding himself? I’m sure he’ll soon figure it out if he’s hungry. After the spoon-refusal of baby one, I couldn’t be bothered with even attempting to give purées to babies two and three, so they had no option but to feed themselves. Youngest is 7 months and has become much better at holding food and finding her mouth now that there’s an incentive to do so!

He should still be having milk as the main source of nutrition as he’s only a baby!

By 12 months milk should make up about 50% of their nutrition, the equivalent of about 12oz a day.

If you’ve read my post and responses, you’ll see he’s still having 3 bottles a day. But he’s about to turn one.. when the main focus switches to be around 3 nutritious meals a day and snacks with water and whole milk.