Anyone else sometimes feel like they just need to accept that their kids is a difficult one to parent?

[tillythemoo]

DS nearly 6, in year 1. He seems to have constant ups and downs, we have a really bad period, followed by a less bad one, and then it goes back round again, pretty much all the time.
When he’s really bad, DH and I basically lose the will to live. When he’s less bad we think we might have finally turned a corner, but then it goes bad again.

He is very high energy, and boisterous, he is head strong, opinionated, very sociable and popular with other kids, a natural leader, intelligent, easily frustrated, volatile, stubborn reactive and highly strung.
He can be extremely kind, thoughtful, charming and very funny, but less often than he is the other things.

He also whines a lot, demands, lacks politeness and comes across very abrupt.

I love him so much, but my god I never knew parenting a child like this was so tough. DH and I are very consistent with our house rules and what’s right and wrong. He knows he’s very loved, we’re affectionate and firm when we need to be.

I just feel like actually he is just a difficult character, that’s his temperament, his personality, and even though I keep telling myself he’ll get easier “next year” (I’ve been saying since he was 12 months), now we’re at 6 I kind of know now this is who he is. He simply is a difficult child to parent.

Anyone else in this boat?

My dc2 is significantly harder to parent than DC1, although I love them both the same.

DC2 has an adhd diagnosis which has opened us up to occupational therapy which has made a huge difference to his behaviour.

If you think that there is something underlying and not just personality it is really really worth pursuing a diagnosis even if you choose not to medicate.

Yep.
Dd was very hard work. We just put a lot of effort into ordering her, and I mean a lot if effort. No palming get off with hours and hours of screens etc. Made sure she ate a very good diet. Spent literally ££££ in hobbies to keep her focused and active.
As an adult she was diagnosed with ADHD. It was never picked up at school. She was one if the brightest, top performing students and is very successful as an adult.
She didn’t fit the stereotype of ‘naughty boy’ which everyone associates with ADHD and I never got any extra help with her.
As we implemented very clear, firm boundaries she was never a problem at school so school had zero desire to help with any diagnosis.
My advice to you is implement clear, consistent boundaries at all times. Feed your child healthy food. Limit screen time. Get outside in the fresh air, if nothing else it will bake you feel better. Try and surround your child with calm. Easier said than done!
Like I said if you stick to this your child will probably do very well in life.

Sorry about the typos!

Doesn’t it depend on the severity of the ADHD though?

My dd got similar treatment. Went into severe burnout and wouldn’t go to school for 18 months. She’s been ill with burnout for 5 years although we are coming towards the end of it.

You were just lucky.

I had 2 easy dc and was slightly smug at my parenting skills

And then came ds3

Jesus christ,he was hard work

In fact 'hard work' doesn't come close to what he was like

Full (and I mean full) of energy,had to do things his own way (even if it meant getting into trouble) could push every button i had and was just hard work in ways I cant put into words

He was a high needs baby-i couldn't leave him for a second-he had to be held at all times or he'd scream (he did get a tiny bit better once he started nursery-the lady who'd ran it had seen it all before and was amazing-ill never forget her)

He didnt sleep at all until he started school and even then,id be lucky to get two hours of unbroken sleep

I was broken,no support (my mother kept telling me I was doing it all wrong but had no suggestions on what do do apart from 'well your doing something wrong') and I dont know how I carried on-it certainly didnt sleep for about 10 years

He got a bit older and I lost count of the amount of times the police brought him home for doing things that where not bad enough to have him arrested but enough for them to bring him home or school would ring with his latest silly stunts in class

He had a charm about him which meant people loved him but could get pissed off with him at the same time-teachers/police would tell him off while laughing with him at the same time

No matter what I tried to do,he'd just stamp all over me and carry on

I genuinely thought he'd end up in prison or running his own cult

He had a heart of gold (he still does),we loved each other fiercely but it was like he went out of his way to do stupid stuff

The turning point was when he moved out

He got a flat and a dog-the living independently made him grow up and the dog gave him a focus rather than himself

He's now married and has a dc of his own and we get on so well-he'll always have his traits but hes an amazing,hard working man and father and I'm so proud of him

I loved him the moment I gave birth to him,i would have fought heaven and earth for him,will always be proud of him but there have been times when I didnt like him (if I'm being 100% honest)

I know this is an oldish thread but I love to see this. I have two who are such hard work and a hird who is a fucking doddle. All of this is so familiar. She'll even say "I don't like this mummy, but I'll eat it anyway". WTF. I suspect it is ADHD with mine given that I have it too! But I was quite good at home..I was scared of my mum so thats why. Gosh? Just had the snow day from hell and needed to do some mumsnet goggling to make me feel better.