Does Santa ever really not come as punishment?

[missmam]

I read a post on another forum from a mother planning to have Santa not come as a way of not rewarding/punishing her seven year old's recent bad behaviour. honestly the examples of his behaviour she gave sounded like fairly regular stuff from an unsettled energetic kid. I think the responders talked her out of it, but please tell me people dont this? I'm post partum and maybe overly hormonal, but now im sat here worrying if there will be children up and down country with xmas disappointment as some kind of delayed punishment and my heart is just breaking! surely not?

That would be a really, really horrible thing to do.

I dont know anyone who does that but doesnt mean it doesnt happen. Some people are just cruel. I mostly feel sad for parents who cant afford santa.

I know someone who did it. He’s a very strange guy though.

Its emotional abuse.

I would very much doubt it, although someone I know did suggest burning empty wrapped boxes (that look like presents) as a punishment. I was taken aback.

I have heard kids get threatened b it but i dont think i know any one that's it actually happened to.
I always tried to keep my consequences manageable, appropriate and fair. ( I learned the hard way once! 😆 🤣)

We put a potato in DS2’s stocking once after truly appalling behaviour, alongside all the usual gifts and sweets. We knew our child and knew he would see the funny side and find it thought-provoking. We wouldn’t have done it with DC1 because it would have landed very badly.

Inky very cruel parents would do something like that and I suspect it is the tip of the iceberg.
I have never used Father Christmas in that way, none of the he is watching crap of he won’t come if you do xyz. It’s horrible.

I vividly remember walking to my car, probably about 12 years ago now, and the mother of one of the 6 year olds in my class at the time bellowed at him: “Santa’s not fucking coming!”

I went back in and put it on our safeguarding system.

He definitely didn’t come, to either him or his 2 siblings. We gave them small gifts when they came back and said Santa had accidentally gone to school.

One of my kids recently received an ‘official warning’ from Santa that if their behaviour didn’t change Santa would put th on the naughty list. It told them what they were doing wrong, what they needed to do instead, and a timeline by which it needed to be done by. And it worked. But I only went that far because behaviour was awful (being mean to friends, rude, not listening to us or teachers).

If it hadn’t worked I would 100% have wrapped a rock and given it to him for Christmas.

My child would have to do something really awful and also present-related for me to do it. Like find all her sister’s presents and throw them away or something!

Sounds like shit parenting.

Would that have actually changed his behaviour, though?

Don’t get me wrong, my own DS(5 next week) has been wild just now, and I’ve definitely used ‘oh DEAR, let’s hope Santa isn’t watching!’ as a threat after piously declaring I would never before children! But in your case, wouldn’t that just make him angry / resentful / sullen / mean?

At all? Or would you have given him his gifts after you’d made that point?

I wouldn’t cancel Santa as you’d spoil the magic of it forever more and I wouldn’t not give presents from family and friends but I would consider holding back the main present from Mummy & Daddy for very bad behaviour.

It worked really well because every year Santa gets him 1 gift he really wants (he’ll tell Santa about it at the grotto at his school which was also his preschool). The other presents are from us & we don’t really ask him for input.

I wouldn’t have done it if all the gifts came from Santa.

He we use it as a threat and it keeps December behaviour a bit better than I think ot could be with all the sugar and excitement. We count "naughty" days in December whilst the Elf is watching but help her to keep her behaviour "nice" and we make sure she gets more nice than naughty days. Most years she has far more nice days but one year her behaviour was very difficult and it was almost even. The threat is just that Santa puts coal in her stocking and withholds his gifts; she'd still get family gifts. On her naughty days she often yells and stamps about saying she likes coal! It would never actually happen.

I feel really strongly about santa being used as a threat abd you only get what you want if youre good. If childrens families cant afford what they want does that make them naughty?? Christmas shouldn't be used as a threat for the whole of December. I think its a really mean thing to do.
Sorry to derail your thread OP. Ive never heard of someone actually cancelling Christmas.

I hate the Santa as a behaviour tool thing. Its just lazy parenting. I'm not perfect and I've resorted to bribes/ threats before but I just find the whole pretend man aspect a bit creepy/ emotionally manipulative. And the bloody elf on the shelf used for the same purpose!

Christmas was cancelled by mum when I was about 6, it was just us two so we had an ordinary day at home but with Xmas Tele, we had no decorations up or special food. I wasn't allowed to be in the Christmas concert at school or go to any other celebration type things. My mum let me have Christmas presents from family later in the year but i didn't get anything from her or father christmas.i think mum might of sent cards and I know we got some that she kept in her room.

It changed how I feel about Christmas I think, it definitely lost 'the magic'. I'm in my 50's now and still remember how sad/disappointed I was. These days it would probably be seen as a potential safeguarding thing but at the time I think the school just thought it was another way in which our family was odd

I don't think that many parents would do it. But I did see a fake "call from santa" on Instagram thing.

That sounds awful 💐

Another one here who hates the idea. Not only is it cruel but it’s also just shit parenting- discipline your children yourself if required, don’t pretend an imaginary man is doing it. I hate the Stasi elf too.

Yes, but it was me, Dad being punished.

DD was great to Santa. Always left him a plate of cakes and a glass of whisky.

But last year when I asked her why she had not put the goodies out, she said " Santa is not real and you drink the whisky, so no more".

I am so sorry this happened to you and I’m not surprised it has affected how you feel about Christmas forever. Please can I wish you a very happy Christmas this year. And every other year.