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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Concerned about my 3 year olds development

34 replies

Concernedmama2 · 22/11/2025 16:18

Hi everyone,
I’m really concerned about my 3 1/2 year old (born May 2022), and I’m getting more and more concerned as he’s approaching reception age.

He is still in nappies, refuses to sit on the toilet and doesn’t show any signs of readiness.

He doesn’t talk. He only has 3 words - hiya, mama, and he tries to say banana (comes out as nana or nanana).

He understands simple instructions like put your shoes on, go wash your hands, but any open ended question he can’t answer. He doesn’t know how old he is and if you ask him how old he is he doesn’t know what it mean and won’t show you with his fingers.
instead he will hum to the same tone you asked the question to answer if that makes sense. “how old are you?” “Hum hum HUM hum”

He doesn’t understand abstract concepts like holidays, doesn’t know what Christmas, vacation, Halloween are, doesn’t understand “the weather is cold/hot”, “this is pretty” “this is silly, this is smart”, “these are your parents/grandparents” etc…

He struggles a lot with his emotions and can have a very hard time with boundaries, being told no, having something taken off, etc…

He doesn’t seem to understand punishment, or at least, he knows it’s something that’s negative and that he’s in trouble but it won’t change his behaviour.

He doesn’t really play with toys besides his toy train but he will spend hours listening to music and audio books and learn his audiobooks by heart (he will hum along perfectly to the narrator’s tone), but I’m not sure he understands what the stories are about as he replays part of a sentence again and again and again and then skips ahead.

on the other hand, he’s got a really good memory (knows his audiobooks for one), he taught himself the alphabet and all letter sounds at 2, he also this year learned numbers 0 to 100. He can type “82” if you ask him. He recently started reading simple 3 letter words (will point to them and not by memory). He can count a group of items up to 20 items and he knows 6 dots = number 6.

But he can’t draw or write or trace anything with his hand besides straight lines and sometimes circles.

I am so worried about what reception will look like for him, he hates noise and singing and will not be able to follow group instructions.
He will not sit down and listen to what the teacher wants him to do.
I tried enrolling him in a sport once but he would just look away and wander off mid 1 on 1 instruction.

He used to hate being around a lot of people and he would scream the whole place down but thankfully that has calmed down.

He loves people and playing with children but he doesn’t know how to play with them or what they’re wanting to play.

He doesn’t go to nursery but he goes to play groups often and he has a blast there for the most part but keeps to himself in the music room and on the ride on cars (he doesn’t do well during dancing and singing), he doesn’t have separation anxiety and never has.

I’m so concerned for him and don’t know how to help him and prepare him for reception.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 22/11/2025 18:45

@Concernedmama2if you are considering deferring his school place, you still need to apply for a place before the mid January deadline.

In mid April, when you are allocated a place you then speak to the Headteacher of the school and ask to defer the place.

I would highly recommend getting your son into Nursery as soon as possible. The nursery will help to get the assessment process started.

You’ve said that you’re moving in a few months - I wouldn’t delay until after that before starting him at a nursery - I would enrol him as soon as possible.

I would also recommend starting him at a school nursery. In my experience they are better informed about the assessment process.

The points you’ve raised here could be indicative of autism. Have a look at Hyperlexia for more information about your son’s number and reading skills.

However, his social communication and other skills are showing signs of significant delay.

I’ve worked in EY and SEND for many years.

CathyBlowsBubbles · 22/11/2025 18:54

Absolutely make an appointment with the GP and insist on a referral. At 3 and a half, he should have upwards of 1000 words, either in full sentences or 3 or 4 word phrases. How is his non verbal communication? Things like showing things to you, sharing a biscuit with you or pointing at things to share what they’ve noticed. If he had a biscuit and you bent down and said, ‘oh yummy biscuit! Can mummy have some?’ Would he hold it out to share/shove it in your mouth/say no and hide it behind his back? Any one of these would indicate age appropriate understanding. Fo you have a pet? If you said, ‘where is Rover?’ Could he point to the dog (or whatever) ? Does he clap? Does he copy? Such as if you took two spoons and gave him two spoons and banged yours together or on a tub, would he copy you? These are all things to consider, answer and make notes on to discuss with the GP. Also, have a look online for the MCHAT test. He may be too old for it but have a look anyway. Good luck with it all!

Concernedmama2 · 22/11/2025 21:28

Thank you everyone for taking the time to help me!
I’m taking everything on board

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Concernedmama2 · 22/11/2025 21:30

CathyBlowsBubbles · 22/11/2025 18:54

Absolutely make an appointment with the GP and insist on a referral. At 3 and a half, he should have upwards of 1000 words, either in full sentences or 3 or 4 word phrases. How is his non verbal communication? Things like showing things to you, sharing a biscuit with you or pointing at things to share what they’ve noticed. If he had a biscuit and you bent down and said, ‘oh yummy biscuit! Can mummy have some?’ Would he hold it out to share/shove it in your mouth/say no and hide it behind his back? Any one of these would indicate age appropriate understanding. Fo you have a pet? If you said, ‘where is Rover?’ Could he point to the dog (or whatever) ? Does he clap? Does he copy? Such as if you took two spoons and gave him two spoons and banged yours together or on a tub, would he copy you? These are all things to consider, answer and make notes on to discuss with the GP. Also, have a look online for the MCHAT test. He may be too old for it but have a look anyway. Good luck with it all!

Thank you for your reply.
yes, he will either share or shake his head no.
he will point to his sister when asked where she is.
He also claps and points although he only learned how to point shortly after turning 3.
Hes also quite good at copying!

he scored high risk on the MCHAT

OP posts:
Catsandcwtches · 23/11/2025 00:22

Reception teachers will be used to children being at different stages. My eldest has ASD and sometimes would be unable to join in on the mat but got better as time went on. My youngest has been given ear defenders as she is very noise sensitive. These help her join in with group activities. Fidget toys can also be used to help kids stay calm.

Catsandcwtches · 23/11/2025 00:25

Early reading (hyperlexia) can be associated with ASD, so this is something to bear in mind and mention if you ask the GP for a referral.

Concernedmama2 · 25/11/2025 00:32

Thank you everyone for your reply, I consulted a speech therapist and she said my son very likely has severe childhood apraxia of speech

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cestlavielife · 25/11/2025 10:54

Yes. This needs very specific therapy. Look at the nuffield dyspraxia program. Ideally he needs to be in a SLT unit attached to a schoolor SLT school see what is most local to you. Speak to i can charity Our Schools - ICAN CHARITY https://share.google/m9cl8Bfi9VMpuf7cL

Our Schools - ICAN CHARITY

I CAN has two specialist speech and language schools which together provide intensive support for pupils aged 4-19. Meath School - a specialist speech and language primary school in Surrey www.meathschool.org.uk Dawn House School - a specialist speech...

https://www.icancharity.org.uk/our-schools/

Concernedmama2 · 25/11/2025 12:54

cestlavielife · 25/11/2025 10:54

Yes. This needs very specific therapy. Look at the nuffield dyspraxia program. Ideally he needs to be in a SLT unit attached to a schoolor SLT school see what is most local to you. Speak to i can charity Our Schools - ICAN CHARITY https://share.google/m9cl8Bfi9VMpuf7cL

Thank you so much

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