Please help me survive toddler rage in the mornings?!

[Lavender14]

Ds is turning 3 and is in a good routine with bed and sleeps all night and is generally a happy and easy going dude during the day. However the last few weeks mornings have been an absolute battle. Everything is a fight, he gets really rough and lashes out, gets upset and totally disregulated and I feel like I've already lived a year by the time I get the two of us out the door. Once we're actually driving in the car on the way to nursery he's back to being in great form.

I have everything we need set out, I try to keep my cool, I try to be a bit silly and make things fun, I am clear with boundaries and what I won't tolerate, I have myself totally ready first so I can fully concentrate on him, I give him a wake up before I actually get him out of bed so he has time to come round a bit, I make time for some cuddles and reconnection, we follow roughly the same routine. But it's just such a battle. He's been late to nursery a couple of times and at the moment I'm in a very flexible role so I can go in later if I need to if he's having a rough morning but I'm taking on a new role soon so that won't be an option and we will absolutely need to be on the road by a set time. I understand this is partly developmentally normal and he's very keen to assert his autonomy with lots of "no" etc and generally it's workable and I've no issue managing him but it's just when I'm under time pressure in the mornings that it becomes very stressful.

Does anyone have any advice on this or anything that works for your toddlers?

A couple of things:
I used to think I was helping my daughter by talking about the day ahead and telling her what was happening, like I was preparing her. I realised that for her, it just made things worse and she'd resist me more. For them, it might feel like quite daunting (my daughter never seemed worried but she's so much better if I mention it just before rather than a big build up).
Second thing might be very hard but it's a rule I try to stick by from my teaching days. Never ask (shall we put your socks on?) and never give an instruction twice. So 'its time to put your socks on' then if he doesn't do it, you do it for him without any anger or frustration, even if he's kicking off 'Looks like you're having a hard time there, I am going to put your socks on now'.
If it's impossible, act like you don't care and take him to nursery without. It's very very hard to start with but he will soon learn that you mean business, and that when you say something is going to happen, it happens. This actually makes them feel very safe and regulated and they'll soon do things when you say. This is easier to do when they're younger and you can physically help them.

Our DD was like this when she was 3. Tried everything, nothing worked! One day she started being nice in the morning. Weird!

Honestly OP, he sounds exhausted. Do you have a partner? If so, what hours does he work... can he get him to bed earlier?

If you're waking him everyday, he's missing out on a lot of sleep. What are your working hours? Does he really need a bath every night... that might cut out 10 minutes at least?

No I'm a lone parent and ds is with me full time, ds dad is not involved with him at all.

My working hours change a lot depending on the day but often I do 10-5ish and then 8-10. It's a demanding role which I've worked hard to get and work comes in peaks and troughs. The upside is that when I have a lighter day I'm able to take some time back and do things with ds/appointments/ have time to myself as I have no childcare for that I'm either at work or caring for ds. Dropping hours or responsibilities would mean a drop in salary which I can't afford as the only income for our house outside of cms and a bit of uc towards childcare. I'm hoping that my new role will be a bit more 9-5 consistently so I'll maybe be less exhausted.

I really like this!