Disappointed with DH - sleep/vomiting

[rugbyfan2025]

Posting this to distract me and keep me awake. It’s possible I’m being really unfair and too wiped to see straight.

Our baby DS (5 months) has been suffering with sickness and diarrhoea. Awful and scary but he is now doing well, bless him.

Unfortunately I’ve been throwing up every half an hour since 3pm. I have never felt so sick as I did yesterday. DH has been looking after DS since then, bringing him to me to breastfeed. It was difficult for all involved as DS could sense we were all stressed and would not settle for DH.

I finally managed to get DS to stay asleep in DH’s arms - he simply would not go down in his crib, unlike him but shows how unsettled he has found the afternoon. I finally got some sleep 10:30-midnight and haven’t been sick since 10:30. The sleep has really helped and lying down stops me feel nauseous - when sitting / standing I just throw up again.

However, I’m now up holding baby DS as DH said he could not keep his eyes open a moment longer apparently. DH must be exhausted - I get it. But I feel upset he couldn’t push through a couple more hours when I am feeling so rotten. For context, I do every night shift and have done since DH went back to work when baby was 2 weeks old. DH has done the odd nappy change and settle (maybe 4 times) and the odd 5am wake up (maybe 6 times).

He is 31 years old, fit and healthy. I just wish he could have pushed through for a couple more hours and held baby whilst going on his phone or something.

Apologies for any typos, I really am feeling awful.

Why the eye roll?

I really don’t see the problem

you slept 10.30-6am OP

We phoned grandparents in that situation and bless them they drove down and looked after us all. Dh came down with the bug as well.

If dh was falling asleep while holding the baby that is really dangerous - his only option was - put baby down to scream or wake you.

Sometimes we just can’t keep awake!

I thought it was 10.30 to midnight, and her husband had been awake since 6am the day before?

Accidental cosleeping can be deadly. If he was genuinely unable to stay awake then tapping out was the right thing and that means either waking you or leaving baby to cry in the cot. Sometimes it isn’t about who has had the most/least sleep or who is feeling the worst-it’s who can look after baby safely. Attempting to push through isn’t a good idea especially for Dad because cosleeping will be safer done properly by a breastfeeding mum. Only you know whether he was genuine or couldn’t be bothered to pull his weight.

It’s shit because you’ll never know if he genuinely couldn’t stay awake or was being lazy. I hope you woke him up again in the night? Or at least that he will take baby and let you sleep today?

This happened to me when my youngest child was about three months old and I was exclusively breastfeeding. It was truly awful and my husband and I ended up arguing for similar reasons. He was struck down with it not long afterwards. You're all in the depths of hell now but you will feel much better really soon - hang in there xx

Where does it say she slept 10.30-6am?

Start your own thread?

Well all I can say is be glad you didn’t have 4dc and no ‘hubby’ to help out when you were all sick, oh and I get basic sick pay- don’t know why you think yours was so hard when I had it harder.
See how helpful that was? Exactly, not helpful at all. It’s not a race to the bottom - it’s about having empathy for a mum who is poorly 🙄
Start your own thread if you are struggling but don’t bitch plop on a thread where someone just wants a bit of kindness and advice.

For context, I do every night shift and have done since DH went back to work when baby was 2 weeks old. DH has done the odd nappy change and settle (maybe 4 times) and the odd 5am wake up (maybe 6 times).

This is your problem OP. He has been getting away with not doing any parenting at all.

I'm sorry you're feeling ill. Once you are better, you need to get your DH parenting a bit more.

I think you need to sit your DH down when you're all better and get him MUCH more involved. I split the night wakes with my DP and he changes SO many nappies.

You also want to set expectations if/when you go back to work, about sharing the sick days. You don't have to be the one to carry a unequal share of the load.

Honestly I'd rather my DH was honest if he was falling asleep with baby on him - that's really unsafe. I remember nodding off during night feeds and finding it so hard to keep myself awake, it terrified me. I guess ideally he'd have got up and walked around with baby perhaps, to keep himself awake and give you more chance to sleep? I think this is all about context - if he generally shares the load fully, I wouldn't be mad about this. If it's indicative of an expectation that you do more of the childcare and take a greater share of the load, that's the issue.

Every man I know has been a disappointment when a baby has come along, mine included. Even the ones whose wives gush about them, I look at them and see how they do maybe 20% of what the mum is doing and somehow everyone convinces themselves that it's enough.

Unfortunately he doesn't get it and doesn't care enough. Once you accept that, you can act on it or live with it. Most men do get a bit better with age (although that's because kids get less relentless 24/7).

Was that really his ONLY OPTION?
what about a cup of coffee? Loud music through headphones? Splash of cold water on his face? Remember this man's been awake 18 hours not 30 or 40. A normal day albeit a bit of a tiring one as he's not used to looking after his own baby.

Why is it only "safe" for him to take himself off to bed and not "unsafe" to pass baby over to an obviously knackered OP who's been up vomiting and breastfeeding all day and who's had 90 minutes asleep?

Nope , just lines & lines of unhelpful words…

Hope you feel better really soon OP, your husband sounds exhausted also ..
To the posters going on about how he doesn’t do enough get ups at night time , he’s working full time !!!
Fair is fair , when my Ex worked & the lads were babies , & I was at home with them , I got up at night every night as I was able to sleep when baby slept the next day ..
I’d worry incase anything happened to him driving , if he was up several times during the night & then up at 6 am to be ready & out the door for work …
Weekend then different..

I’d feel let down too. My DH really pulls his weight in various ways, but it never fails to amaze me how he will protect and prioritise his breaks, regardless of what is happening. Sometimes I think we women can learn from this (massively generalising here) ability to crest boundaries, but in cases like this I just think it’s being un dependable and unable to step up, push through as you say op. Vomiting for hours is physically debilitating and it could also be dangerous for you trying to stay awake with your baby, yet you are the one who will carry the can and make sure you don’t fall asleep.

To offer some comfort, I’d say it took quite a while for my DH to ‘get’ a lot of what I did for our babies, the first in particular. It hopefully won’t always be like this so try to accept how it is for now, be gentle with each other and get well soon.