Hello to all. I am reaching out to see if anyone can relate or better yet provide some advice.
I am 38. My DD is 17, and my DS is 13 months. For years, it was just me and DD living together although I did split custody with her very involved dad. When DD was 13, I met my now DH. They go on well (with the typical teenager issues) and still do. When I got pregnant with my DS, I could tell DD was apprehensive and not excited but I assured her I loved her and we’d be as close as always.
Then I gave birth to my DS. I began to experience postpartum depression and rage, which I look back on now as the darkest mental period of my life. Between the baby and the anxiety I wasn’t sleeping, which made everything worse. I wasn’t getting up to prepare breakfast or see my daughter off to school, but worse than that was the rage. I absolutely took it out on my DH and DD. There was more than once where she cleaned the kitchen “wrong” (it was fine) where I yelled at her, I flew into a rage when she woke up the baby coming into my room to tell me she was going out with a friend and I was generally unpleasant and mean until I got medicated when DS was 8 months.
The final straw seemed to be on her birthday, when DS was 6 months old. She wanted to go out for lunch, me and her and a few of her girlfriends. We arrived and sat down and although I was anxious being away from the baby, I was doing okay. Then DH texted me that he was giving the baby a dose of paracetamol because he was fussy from teething and the anxiety of the thought of my baby being medicated and me not being there was too much so I had to leave.
DD was so hurt, told me off and has been cold and distant ever since. She stays with her dad 95% of the time, and acts like I am an annoyance when I’m around. I have apologized profusely for how I acted and what I did, and I’m truly greatly ashamed of it but she doesn’t seem to care. She flat out refuses to do anything if her brother has to come along, and basically ignores him the rare time she’s over at our house, but DH works odd hours lately which makes it very hard to do things without DS. Does anyone have any idea on how to mend this relationship, as I am heartbroken.