At what age would you leave your child alone at a party or play date if they have a serious allergy?

[SquirrelDreams]

Ds has just turned 4 and is allergic to nuts. I'm wondering at what age it would be safe (and fair on the other parent hosting the play date, party, etc) to leave him anywhere without me or his dad. It is quite a bit of a responsibility. He is too young to expect him to understand the symptoms of a serious allergic reaction and i dont think he would be able to inject himself with his epi pens and call or ask someone to call 999. He has been going to nursery but I think that's different because they are first aid trained and hopefully know exactly what to do.

It's already awkward having to inform other people wherever we go of his allergy and cross checking ingredients of anything he is given to eat.

What do other parents of kids with allergies do? At what age was your child able to handle their allergies without adult support? At what age did you allow them to be supervised by other adults untrained in allergies? Did you give these other adults spot training on how to handle their allergy?

I don’t have a child with a serious allergy, but I don’t think that you can leave him at a party until he’s able to recognize the symptoms and inject himself. It’s too great a responsibility to put on another parent who may have no experience of allergies-especially when they’ll be supervising multiple children.

I’d wait a while and then suggest leaving him for a play date with a friend whom he plays with regularly. That’ll give you a chance to explain the emergency procedures to the supervising parent.

I probably wouldn't until he's 8 or 9 and only then if I knew the parents were willing to use two epipens. And not feed nuts.

Just to explain why I’m commenting on this thread. I’ve been the supervising parent who had an EpiPen shoved into my hand as a preschooler was dropped off!

My DS is almost 8 and has a severe peanut allergy. He carries epi-pens for this. Personally, he’s only ever been to parties on his own when I am close to the parents of the party child and can trust them to check foods/inform catering plus carry his epi-pens for him. I I think he’s done two without me. First one he was 7.

So mostly I stay with him. This is luckily quite normal in his circle of friends, so I’m not the only parents staying and I enjoy a good chat with other parents.

Parties are quite tricky for allergies as even if you check the main food/catering, you then also need to consider any extra treats, party bag sweets, birthday cakes. I find homemade buffets particularly stressful! But definitely always tell the host well in advance and take a tub of safe treats with you so you can replace anything they can’t have. I always offer to call to check myself for play centres etc, though luckily most round here I know the allergen menus well now.

Modelling how to check foods and managing their disappointment if there is something they can’t have is tricky.

Depends very much on the adults at the party/playdate/activity.
Children have been left young at our house or at my girl guides because I am a RN.
I have food allergies too and understand the parents very well. I always invite them to stay If they want to supervise.

For parties, I'd want him to be old enough to check what he's eating, recognise the symptoms and inject himself/call for help. It'll be child dependent, but I'd say not before 8 at the earliest.

For playdates I think you can be more relaxed as long as you provide snacks and tell him (and the supervising parent) that he is not to eat anything other than his own snacks. Once you can trust him and the other parent it should be ok.

10 ish, 11 probably

Bear in mind all sense goes straight out of the window for any child at a party

At DS's last party we had a 9 year old with a peanut allergy and we were given a run down of it by the mum. Our party invites always ask if the children have allergies or dietary requirements. Both OH and I have first aid certs and OH has refreshed his about 6 months before the party. So we felt able to manage the situation. The other children at the party knew about the boys allergies so checked the food was safe for boy to eat.

I don't have a child with allergies but just thinking about it, I'd say around 10.

I would say 10/11 aswell if they're sensible.. parties are so chaotic kids go a bit wild anyway you need someone who's going to stay calm

One of my daughters friends has a serious nut allergy.

He has been to my house, and another friends house without his mum since he was about 7. She spent some time showing me how to manage his allergy the first time he came, and gives me his antihistamine and epipens at each visit. By that age he understood that he was allergic to nuts and knew to check with an adult before eating unfamiliar foods.

Hes now 10 and she’s only just started leaving him with other parents or at parties where she doesn’t know/trust the adults to take responsibility for it.

I’d say 9 or 10. I’ve been at a big party in a church hall with a girl of 8 with severe allergies - who we all thought was very mature and able to think of all risks - become very ill when the party entertainer gave her a treat with egg in the ingredients. She was so excited she ate it. Luckily her dad was in the pub across the road and she was ok in the end.

DS2 was 10, I always ensured he had a packed safe to eat food, hosts knew exactly where and how to contact me and to call 999 before calling me. Most of the time DS would refuse to eat at parties unless he had unopened food with clear ingredient labelling. ( He had had some bad reactions and time in hospital and was wary of new foods)

I did once take him to a party age 6 after the hosts assured me they would have no nuts or peanuts only to find they also thought it was absolutely fine to sit DS right next to an open bowl of peanuts. No words. DS reacted to being near sodding peanuts.

At my son's 7th birthday party there was a boy with a nut allergy, his parents left him alone with us so I guess they felt comfortable at that age but as the host I felt a bit uncomfortable about it (but I was in control of all the food in the building so I made sure there was absolutely nothing with nuts or may contain nuts) so I'd also say you should talk to the hosts too and see if they are comfortable being in sole charge of a child with severe allergies.

Sorry not read the thread, but this is my experience with My child with multiple food allergies.

I did not leave him alone at parties till about 10.

I would take a book and sit out of the way.

Most parents understand and were relieved that they did not have the responsibility!

I wouldn’t want to leave my child at a party until they are old enough to understand their allergy I’d say around 10/12?
A play date is slightly better as there’s less kids/available food but even then I’d need to trust that the parent understood allergies.

My ds had a non ige allergy to milk and soya and still has fpies to peanuts which can be serious if untreated. I’ve had parents and family try to give him cheese and onion crisps because they didn’t realise they had dairy in. Also chocolate as a bit won’t hurt??!! And one parent who said she hadn’t put egg sandwiches out due to the dairy???? !! But she had unfortunately buttered all the sandwiches.

The upshot is unless you deal with allergies or work in hospitality most people don’t know how to check for allergens , also in your sons case it’s not as simple as avoiding nuts it’s also if there is trace/ cross contamination or air borne particles. I wouldn’t risk it.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

High school. I have spent a lot of time feeling awkward at kids' parties as the only parent not dropping and running! You get used to it.

Oh, and I hosted all the play dates and sleepovers too. It just wasn't fair, safe or possible to do otherwise. When I met one mum whose kid had severe allergies also, I was so very grateful we could leave our kids with each other!

Nuts/peanuts are good as at least people take them seriously, I'd be more worried with allergens found in standard party food. No answer though, we are right at the start of school and parties and they can't read an ingredients list so feels a while off.

I'm more worried about playdates, you never know if they've stuck the peanut butter knife in the butter the day before etc.

Thinking about things like this makes immunotherapy feel it might be worth it.

My child is 8 and I still hang about when I know there will be food involved. Not the whole time but go somewhere and then be around when I know the food is being served.

I always check the ingredients with the parents or venue staff in advance and obviously leave his bag with piriton/epi pens and the emergency 'what to do' hospital leaflet, and also explain to the adult in charge.

I know what u mean, it can be so awkward so I stay close to take the pressure off the parent and keep my child (hopefully) safe.

About 8 I think.

Depends on the hosts. My youngest has multiple food allergies and there are people I trusted to look after him from a very early age and people who I was never entirely comfortable with. My late MIL, bless her, never really "got it" and I had to check what was in the food she had cooked every single time. She'd do stuff like get lactose free products instead of dairy free, or see "vegan" on a product but not check it was nut free. But I also had friends who I would have trusted completely to look after him and feed him at your DC's age or younger.
If I didn't know the hosts well I probably wouldn't have left until he was about 8 and I felt he could manage things himself. Though as we live in a rural area quite a lot of parents used to hang around at parties anyway as the distances we'd be driving meant that you'd just have got home when it was time to go back, so it wasn't really a specific issue for me. I can't recall making an actual decision on the matter to be honest, but once he had been at school for a while I worried a lot less.
I don't think you ever stop worrying completely. There are lots of stressful "firsts"- first sleepover, scout camp, school residential, trip abroad etc. In fact I was very anxious when DS started University last year as I had visions of something dreadful happening on a Fresher's Week pub crawl or one of his flatmates mixing stuff up in the fridge. But it has got easier with time.

My son had his friend with an allergy stay overnight at age 9. She went through using an epi pen with me and the guests at the sleepover were only allowed nut free snacks. It helps that his friend was sharp and knowledgeable about his allergy and had the confidence to ask me to show him labels and see it was nut free. If he had been more a daydreamy type then I would have waited until older.

I left my DC from aged 5. I would usually check all party food myself when I arrived at party. Mostly the food was ok. Nobody ever actually served peanuts. Very occasionally the cake was not suitable for nut allergies and then I'd just say for DC not to have it. DC was very sensible, even at that age, and would ask adults to check food if they weren't sure it was safe.

I would usually have a chat with the party host beforehand about food.

Never had an issue.