Realising something about baby groups

[VividMauveAnt]

I feel like I've been idealising my desire to make 'mum friends'. My LO is 7mo and I've been going for the past few months to baby swimming, music classes, mum & baby gymnastics and just regular baby groups. The ones centred around activities are great, no need to stress about anything else but try to make the baby interested for that 30 minutes 😅. It's the regular baby groups I find a bit awkward to say the least. I've been to a couple so far and on two occasions arrived late and my baby was sleeping. As I entered the room the women were centred on the floor, I said Hi and no one even replied. These were ppl I had met before. I noticed another newcomer and just chatted to her the rest of the time. I did make small talk with some I had met on few previous times but it was me who initiated the conversations. I noticed some mums got totally ignored during the session. One was making so much effort, big smile, trying to say bye as she left and got spitefully ignored. The organiser did nothing but went in and out the room, she looked like if she was trying to keep away tbh.
I was so eager to make mum friends but now I realise why is it so important when it's not? It's unlikely we have anything in common other than having kids the same age. Even a few of the mums go to a few of the activies and it's still not enough for us to see outside of the groups. I also prefer to make friends on an individual basis and I find groups problematic.
It's a chance to get out the house and make my LO see other babies and play. Maybe I'm being childish, but I feel like my effort should measure ppls effort in trying to socialise. I feel like going in (on time), not say hi's or bye's and just play with my LO.
Anyone who did make friends what are your best advice? Or do you just go for the day out and leave it as that?

I started a similar thread a few years back. I have two children now but haven’t made any mum friends.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where people love to complain that they don’t have the help of a “village,” yet they can’t be bothered to even say hello.

I think most of the time it’s also because they know they won’t have time—most mums’ lives are completely ruled by their children. (I personally just do what I need to do and take the children with me on my daily activities.) I never found leaving the house with the kids to be difficult.

I think it’s a combination of people not knowing how to be social anymore, being too tired to care (or making themselves tired), or already having family and friends nearby so they don’t feel the need.

I found it easier to make friends once my child was making friends - by preschool age really. Luckily the mums of his little pals are nice so we made the connection there, through playdates etc.

I think it's hard to make friends at groups but don't let that put you off going - its something to do put of the house

I've always preferred activity-based groups too. For me the point of it was always to find something interesting for my baby, and maybe get some ideas for play at home, not for me to socialise. Even at the less structured groups I wanted to chat yo thr baby and show them different toys rather than sit and chat to other adults. I don't find mum friends to be vital tbh, I find getting recommendations from forums etc better as there's a wider spread of experiences, and I find DH a better person to chat to as I can be completely honest with him.
At groups I would say hello but not often get involved in long coversations, I never really had much time as dc would need me to intervene for something or other, but I also didn't feel a desperate need to either.

This is a great comment. First baby, met some friends at a post natal exercise class and some are still friends 9 years later. But when I think back, I met loads of other mums and we just didn’t click. Also felt a bit of an odd one out at children’s centre sessions most of the time, not many seemed forthcoming. Then on my second maternity, I suddenly noticed how shell-shocked many of the mums I met seemed, I’m talking thousand yard stares. Hadn’t noticed that the first time because I was one of them! And then of course some people take a while to warm up so you mightn’t strike up any conversations especially if you don’t see them every week. Activity based are much more social and the others are just filler to get you out and entertain the baby.

That's lovely! I have a few nct friends I will hopefully stay in touch with but not 6!

Measure your standards with the best there is and you will become the best there is.