Page 2 | Are these age gaps too big?

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Fishingboatbobbingnight · 24/09/2025 15:24

My daughter was 7 and my son 5 when baby was born. I am really lucky in that none of them have ever had a mean word between them - but the relationship between my oldest and youngest 30 & 23 now (both girls) is beautiful. They are each others closest confidants .
As children my eldest adored having a real live ‘dolly’ to help look after and would beg me to let her change nappies (with supervision !) .
For us, it was the perfect addition to our family at just the right age for the other two to be a little more independent.. rather than a baby when number 1 was only 2

Reallyneedsaholiday · 24/09/2025 22:37

12 years between my oldest and youngest siblings. 16 years between my own oldest and youngest. 24 years between my father and his oldest siblings. All of us have/ had an amazingly close relationship with our siblings. Age doesn't dictate that.

Lolayu7 · 24/09/2025 22:41

I think its a nice gap . 8 years between me and one of my DB , I see him almost every Sunday. I always liked the gap as a child and he never annoyed me , whereas my other DB there is almost 3 years between us and alls I can remember is us arguing as kids .

19 years between me and my DS who's now 15!

Confusedmum74858 · 24/09/2025 22:45

My daughter was 6 when her brother was born and 7.5 when her youngest brother was born. So I have two younger ones really close in age and an older girl. Both my boys adore her more than they adore each other and it’s so lovely to watch.

Beccs45 · 24/09/2025 23:05

We’ve got a 10, 6 and 1 year old (plus grown up children) life is non stop and crazy with 3 children and more so having just retuned to work from maternity leave. We’ve definitely had to pull together to manage and can’t remember the last time we sat down of an evening to watch tv rather than collapse in bed … however it’s been wonderful too and our new DC has totally fitted in and is adored by us all 🥰

chillidoritto · 24/09/2025 23:17

My DD was an only child until she was 6 then I went on to have 4 boys! We’ve just made the age gap work, it’s never been a problem.

DD sometimes says the boys are noisy when she’s trying to do her homework / have a lie in. Also that the toilet is covered in piss!

The boys are close in age, youngest 2 are twins.

DD was desperate to become a big sister and always used to put that she wanted a little brother on her Xmas list!

Original poster

Op1n1onsPlease · 24/09/2025 23:24

This is all very nice to hear 🙂

OP posts:

Copasetic · 24/09/2025 23:26

I've got 8 years between each of my 3 kids and love it. All with fertility treatment and all really close. They are now 31, 23 and 15 and although the eldest is married and lives away, they are always texting and ringing each other, game online together and we all see each other a lot too. I didn't plan the age gaps but I'm very happy with them.

hellotomrw · 24/09/2025 23:30

there 6 years and 5 years between me and my older sisters and 4 years between me and my younger sisters and we are all really close

BauhausOfEliott · 24/09/2025 23:39

It’s unlikely they’re going to be playing together as a 10-11 year old isn’t going to enjoy the same things as a toddler but so what, really? Plenty of siblings close in age can’t stand each other anyway! It’s not an unusual age gap at all.

FWIW my own siblings were 7 and 10 when I was born and it’s never bothered me in the slightest. I never once thought ‘I wish they were closer to my age’ at all. It’s a different relationship to the one siblings close in age might have, but that doesn’t mean it’s worse. My friends thought it was really cool and quite exciting that I had adult siblings when I was young.

Emelene · 24/09/2025 23:42

I’ve just had my third baby and my older kids will be turning 7 and 5 in the next few months. Baby is only a few weeks old but the age gap has been amazing so far. The older 2 adore her and are actually helpful and a lot more independent than a smaller gap. Plus I have lots of 1:1 baby time with the older ones at school. I don’t expect them to be playmates in the same way but she’s brought so much joy to our family already. ❤️

xNotTodayHunx · 25/09/2025 01:14

There is no guarantee they will be friends even with a smaller gap

And to add, there are 25 years between me and my brother and I'm rather fond of him

abbynabby23 · 25/09/2025 05:41

89redballoons · 24/09/2025 13:37

I'm pregnant with my third, and my oldest will be a couple of weeks off his sixth birthday on my due date. I will have a 3.5 year gap between my younger two. I am also 38 and will be 39 by due date.

In terms of mat leave and general logistics, I think a slightly bigger gap should be a bit easier at least while they are small.

My oldest is in Y1, younger brother is at preschool at the same school which is mainly covered by the 30 free hours, so I should get most of 9am-3pm most weekdays at home with the baby - more time than I had with my second because we could only afford nursery 2 days a week for a 2 year old.

By the time my mat leave finishes, the bigger two will both be at school, so we will only have to pay one lot of childcare fees. With my other two we had 18 months of 2 in childcare which was a financial squeeze.

Getting a new car to fit the five of us was slightly easier than for some families, as my oldest is in a high back booster car seat which doesn't need isofix.

My older two are both reliably toilet trained and sleep through the night (barring any regressions when the baby gets here). Having two in nappies, and then a toddler having wee accidents plus a small baby, was again quite tricky.

The older one was off school last week with a vomiting bug, and he was really sensible looking after himself and resting quietly, and managing to be sick in the toilet/a sick bowl. It was a different ballgame to looking after an ill toddler at the same time as a newborn (once I was sick into a bowl balanced on top of the baby I was breastfeeding, unable to leave the room with poorly 2 year old crying...)

Obviously it will mean a change in your family dynamic, OP, but only you can say whether that's likely to be a good change or a bad change. For me, I always wanted a full house, DH was on board, we can afford and have room for a third, and 40 was my cutoff point too, so I'm feeling very lucky that it seems to have happened for me. Other people would rather stick pins in their eyes than start again with a baby once their older DC are at school, and that's fine for them.

Let me give you the perspective of being the youngest one. I have a sister 6 years older than me. I wouldn’t say we were friends during childhood. We never played much together or did things as siblings due to the big age gap. The moment I got into primary, she went to secondary. The moment I was in secondary school, she was off to uni. However, now that we are adults we are super close. So if I were you, I would stick to two. When you ll be on holidays it will be much harder to please everyone, same during the weekends etc. I have 3 kids of my own (4 years age gap oldest to youngest). I always wanted 4 but that exact reason I decided not have another one. As they ll be 6 years apart.

Louoby · 25/09/2025 05:56

I have a 10, 4 and 3 year old. I personally feel that one always sacrifices and activities are always difficult to find one that suits all. It’s getting easier now but the last two years haven’t been easy.
I found it difficult to take my elder child to clubs after school because my younger two would fall asleep in the car which would have been a nightmare. I think your 8 year old would miss out having a younger sibling as he gets older
but I guess it just depends on how you manage things. I have friends with age gaps and it’s generally the older ones who lose out. Yes they might love a baby around, but for how long, how long until they feel resentful.
also consider how it would impact your life as a family if your third had a disability. Sometimes you’ve just got to accept what you’ve got.

beachcitygirl · 25/09/2025 06:04

I’m one of many. No issues with this whatsoever

NoSnakesHere · 25/09/2025 06:57

Op1n1onsPlease · 24/09/2025 09:24

I’ve got DS(7) and DD(4). Always wanted 3DC but life got in the way. If we conceived soon DCs would be 8 and 5 when baby born - is that gap too big for the siblings to be friends/ would it be problematic for family life?

We can afford it and have the space at home etc. I’m 38 if relevant, still younger than most of my peers having DC1 though this is skewed a bit as we live in London!

I have a 19 year old and a 3 year old - they are the best of friends!

Lelophants · 25/09/2025 07:01

I personally think that’s the ideal gap. If I have a third I want my current youngest to be around 4 or 5.

ResusciAnnie · 25/09/2025 07:05

I don’t think so. It is what it is. You can’t make it smaller and it seems a silly reason not to have a third longed for baby. Cutting your nose off to spite your face really - I can’t have a smaller gap, so I won’t have any baby then!

It will be great. My older 2 were 7 & 4.5 years old when youngest born and it’s always been brilliant. They still play together now youngest is 3.5.

I’ll have youngest starting primary next year and oldest starting secondary which will be a lot! You’ll be a year or 2 ahead of that I imagine.

But there’s no perfect age gap and your family culture will go a long way to inform how they treat and interact with each other. They’ll have loads in common, they’re siblings!

dontcomeatme · 25/09/2025 07:05

I was 8 and my brother was 6 when our new sister was born. I adored her and helped with all the baby stuff like nappies, bottles, singing and holding etc. My brother didn't like the change and struggled to adapt to less attention from parents. Now as adults we're all extremely close, but my brother very much has middle child syndrome and says our sister is the favourite child etc. I do thunk money played a bigger part in it than the age gap though. When we were little our parents had little to no money, however by the time our sister got to 6-8ish, their circumstances hugely changed. Where we were raised with winter coats from the charity shop, she was raised with £180 top shop coats. My brother couldn't cope with that. As I say as adults we are all close! And I think it's a lovely age gap x

Ineffable23 · 25/09/2025 07:11

I have a brother 8 years younger. I have always lived him but the age gap was enormous. I didn't not get on with him or anything - I was happy to play railways and lego and whatever else with him which I imagine way handy for my mum. But we were never friends like some siblings are - but then that's not something you can guarantee with any age gap.

He probably didn't do super well in terms of the fact that e.g. when he was doing SATs I was doing A levels, and when he started secondary I was starting uni, so my parents were often distracted by the very different stages we were at.

I didn't do super well out of the fact he was so much younger - I wasn't allowed to go to many clubs etc as a teenager because my dad worked shifts and mum therefore couldn't leave a 6/7/8 year old home alone to pick me up. I guess that was also a consequence of living very rurally and could have been mitigated if we had lived somewhere where I could just hop on my bike to go to scouts or whatever.

But as adults we do get on really well - we aren't in touch all the time but he's not really in touch with anyone all the time. The age gap definitely shrinks as you age.

Anonymouse22 · 25/09/2025 07:19

4 -5 years each between my 3, well my oldest was nearly 9 was youngest was born.
I don't think it matters to be honest, age is no indicator they will get on. I have a friend who is a year younger than her sister and they are chalk and cheese not close at all so it doesn't always work how you think.
I guess sometimes it's harder thinking of things to entertain them all but it's never been a massive issue, for example if we go to soft play now my youngest two will play and oldest will sit and chat with me with a cuppa, (only 11 year 7 so actually she still does play!But I guess this might change in a couple of years)
We do family bike rides with a bike seat on the back for nearly 3 year old, swimming is fine, holidays never an issue. Cinema is probably the only thing we haven't done together yet as youngest still a little young? We did a snorkelling boat trip on holiday and we took in turns to sit on the boat with the youngest one so just things like that I guess but you adapt? And it's not exactly the end of the world/ really difficult.

I enjoyed having one at a time if that makes sense as older one were at school whilst younger ones were toddlers etc. I personally couldn't have coped with 3 under 5 type scenario!
I guess there is pros and cons to small and bigger age gaps, I wouldn't let a bigger age gap put you off. The only thing is we feel like we've had a toddler with us for ages lol! But we love it

HappyAsASandboy · 25/09/2025 08:11

Not quite the gals you asked for, but my kids are now 15, 15, 10 and 5. I was 41 when I had my youngest.

The baby years were pretty easy because days out for under 12 year olds tend to be suitable for babies to come too. As the older kids have got older (!) they want to do things that it’s not so easy to take a 5 year old to, but it is manageable if you have a DH or grandparents to leave the little on with sometimes. I don’t think this is solely down to age gaps - there will always be things you want to do with particular kids and not all of them.

My kids all get along well in various combinations! Two of them don’t really get on at all, but are fine as long as there’s another sibling in the mix to dilute things. I don’t think that is particularly down to an age gap, just a personality gap!

If you want a third and can make it work logistically/financially/emotionally, then don’t be put off by a 5 year age gap. So many other factors are far far more important to sibling/family relationships than age gaps, and they pretty are all out of your control

saffy2 · 25/09/2025 08:15

No it’s not too big. I currently have 15, 6 and 18m. And it’s amazing. I feel like having small age gaps must be super hard work. I’ve really enjoyed my age gaps and recommend it to everyone wondering about age gaps.
the only downsides for me is the fact I’ve been doing and will be doing the school run and swimming lessons forever 😂😂😂😂 apart from that, there’s no downsides for me. Or my kids.

chillichoclove · 25/09/2025 08:59

Louoby · 25/09/2025 05:56

I have a 10, 4 and 3 year old. I personally feel that one always sacrifices and activities are always difficult to find one that suits all. It’s getting easier now but the last two years haven’t been easy.
I found it difficult to take my elder child to clubs after school because my younger two would fall asleep in the car which would have been a nightmare. I think your 8 year old would miss out having a younger sibling as he gets older
but I guess it just depends on how you manage things. I have friends with age gaps and it’s generally the older ones who lose out. Yes they might love a baby around, but for how long, how long until they feel resentful.
also consider how it would impact your life as a family if your third had a disability. Sometimes you’ve just got to accept what you’ve got.

This is more or less what I was going to say. As the parent of a child with extra needs it's worth thinking about that impact

saffy2 · 25/09/2025 09:07

Although I realised the other day that my youngest won’t remember living with my eldest, he will be 4 when he goes to university and that did make me really sad because my eldest really dotes on him and they have a lot of fun together. (Ages 15 and 18 months). But, I still wouldn’t have changed it.

Are these age gaps too big?

Interested in this thread?