Parents of children late to toilet train

[autumnparty]

When did they finally ‘get it’?

He has plenty out of school as well …

I feel like I didn’t do a very good job at potty training ds. He’s now nearly five and honestly, it’s embarrassing being handed a bag at the end of the school day. The primary school is in an affluent area and I do feel judged by the teachers and other parents, although I accept that’s my issue.

I just don’t know where to go from here. Waiting for ds to grow out of it doesn’t seem the best strategy but positive reward charts haven’t worked, mostly because they stop being positive quite quickly.

He definitely isn’t constipated; I didn’t think he was but it’s suggested a lot on here so took him to the GP. I have also spoken to ERIC.

WTF do I do now?

DS can, is the thing. He can control it and frequently does. Accidents aren’t daily but they are frequent; more frequent than they should be at this stage if I am candid.

Our daughter has just started school and there are children in her class having accidents, at least one of those just turned 5. I think it is common. My friend who is a reception class teacher said it’s pretty standard when I asked her about it in the context of my daughter. That said, if they are daily including at home I would perhaps have some worries. It’s great you’re confident he’s not constipated, I’m sure you’re right. It’s interesting he’s not bothered by them. I would go to the GP and ask them to send off a urine sample (not just a dip stick) to make absolutely sure he doesn’t have a UTI (this can affect bladder and bowel, and some children can have them with no symptoms). Assuming that comes back clear I would ask to be referred to whatever paediatric continence services exist in your area, to get some professional advice and support. The health visitors might be able to offer advice as well.

Is there any chance he's high masking neurodiverse? I know it gets suggested a lot on here, but it can course issue with feeling / interpretating body signals, and often coexist with muscle issue's (like hypermobility), which can make it harder to control the release.

I was diagnosed as an adult but one of the missed symptoms for me was that I was wetting dayley until 7/8. My (autistic) DS got there a little sooner, but toilet training was still an absolute slog. Didn't really click until 4, and still had semi-regular accidents (every week or 2) through reception. He's nearly 9 now, mostly fine but we're still not 100% out of the woods with accidents happening a couple times a year (luckily the last few were not in school)

The paediatric continence team won’t see children under seven, so we’re stuck for over two years assuming the situation hasn’t improved.

It has slowly got better but equally I know he’s having far more accidents than typical for children this age, as much as it’s shrugged off. It’s hard because I do know children have accidents but not four or five times a week. So for example if I go back a week, last Wednesday he wet himself twice at school. Thursday I don’t think there were any accidents and I don’t think there were any Friday. Saturday morning he pooed twice. I don’t think there were any Sunday. Monday he pooed himself after school, then yesterday had a soiled accident at school.

So - it’s a lot. Whereas children I know his age have maybe one every couple of weeks. It’s a worry, no idea re being ND; it’s possible but if he is it won’t be diagnosed for a long time if ever.

How frustrating for you OP. Laughter is sometimes an embarrassment thing and not knowing how to handle it. It will come! Keep going at it, will he wear a pull up at all?

Sorry OP. This does sound really tough and like you’ve already explored lots of avenues. If you’re wanting to ‘do’ something about it beyond what you already are, and are confident it isn’t a physical issue, how about a child psychologist/behaviourist input?

You don’t wait until they are ready bcos then it’ll never happen. Just get on with it, next holidays, straight into underwear no nappies and do what you should have done when they were 18 months old, no excuses for lazy parenting, no doubt everyone at the school has now given you the label.

We might have to explore a psychologist but the cost is likely to be prohibitive. Sigh. As for the above nonsense - RTFT.

I get so bored of this rhetoric. Some children don’t follow the rules and it may surprise you to hear that some children just won’t do what you want them to do. Our daughter was over 3.5 yrs when we finally got her out of nappies. Believe me, it was not lack of trying on our part, it was a torturous experience for all of us and not one I would wish on anyone.

Are you sure he IS controlling it, or could it be that the dry days are the accidents?

What I mean is, is it possible that a couple of days a week, you or school get lucky with the timing of your reminders so that he just happens to empty himself at the right moments and you get the odd lucky day?

Have you talked to him about why? Perhaps it's not important enough to him yet for him to be able to be bothered.

It is nonsense as it’s clear he’s been in pants for a long time. But for whatever reason that particular skill is evading him.

I’ve tried to but generally you don’t get an answer making any sense.

I sympathise.

DC1 was 22 months and DC2 was 37 months this was based off of how ready they both were. You said your DC is nearly 5 and having accidents at school this is so normal especially if in reception and it’s all new and stressful. When DC1 was in reception both them and many peers/friends had accidents despite potty training at 22 months and no one batted an eyelid. I’d be more concerned if we were getting to year 2/3 and having accidents but 4/5 years is still very little x

Thanks @mummysmagicmedicine . I know a bit of a regression is normal but it’s kind of highlighted he’s not properly ‘trained,’ he had a soiled accident on the way home so not at school thankfully but still that’s the fifth one or so this week.

Have you read the post or any of the comments that follow??

OP my friends daughter had regular wee (but not poo) accidents after toilet training (at 2.5), still does now in y2. She has been seen by the continence team and has a diagnosis of an overactive bladder. I think this happened when she was still 5, so worth pursuing before 7 I’d say.

Why are they saying it’s post covid? Are they blind?!!

I must be missing something with regard to the above post. Blind in respect of what?

Have you asked him why? I can understand wee accidents, they’re normal at this age and especially for boys, but not poo accidents. Or at least not massive poonamis. A skiddy on his way to / from the toilet is normal.

I bet he’s weeing / pooing himself because he’s doing something more exciting. Talk to his teachers about reminding him to go every hour. Reward him for going regularly and make it the norm for him to go tot he toilet even when he doesn’t need to go.

You need to sort it out asap, because if this still happens in Year 1 he might end up losing friends.

Have you asked him why? I can understand wee accidents, they’re normal at this age and especially for boys, but not poo accidents. Or at least not massive poonamis. A skiddy on his way to / from the toilet is normal.

I bet he’s weeing / pooing himself because he’s doing something more exciting. Talk to his teachers about reminding him to go every hour. Reward him for going regularly and make it the norm for him to go tot he toilet even when he doesn’t need to go.

You need to sort it out asap, because if this still happens in Year 1 he might end up losing friends.

Reread it, I might have misunderstood. I thought PP was saying post covid as in covid was in the past, they may have meant post covid as in post (re)infections.

OP, there are always a proportion of children that haven’t grasped toilet training before school, just like some children walk later, read later, speak later. It’s easy for government to attribute it to lazy parenting or a lockdown that happened before many of the current reception cohort were even born. Thresholds to access services/help are high and some children just develop that milestone later. I hope you get the support you need.

The percentage of children not deemed school ready is increasing, but this will be down to a mixture of factors. One factor that is rarely mentioned as it’s a bit of an elephant in the room is the impact of covid infections on development.

*I re-read it.