In the trenches. Tell me it gets better

[Argh25]

Just that, really.

Baby is 7 weeks old and healthy (bar the odd bout of colic). She screams, eats or sleeps. She doesn't do anything else. I dread every nappy change and every feed. I feel like my life is in two-hour slots. People keep inviting me out of the house but it's such a ballache with formula feeding - even with instant bottles because she just doesn't settle - that I can't face it. She sleeps about 6 hours a night in two stints. (I should feel quite lucky but it's because she's exhausted.) Everyone keeps warning me about the 4-month sleep regression. She doesn't nap during the day. She has her jabs next week and I feel like I have no idea how to cope with a sick baby. She's miserable, I'm miserable, my DH is miserable. We love her to bits but dread all her awake time and feel very guilty about that.

She's been checked for CMPA, reflux, all of it. She's absolutely healthy. But still I am just so fed up. When did it get better for you?

We had a baby that cried a lot and id say at the 12 week mark it got a bit better. Once they can go a bit longer between feeds you get to go out more. I used a dummy to settle ours and it worked well - have you tried this?

It does get better. I had a CMPA baby who screamed and screamed. What I needed most was company. Getting out really did help, as daunting as it was. I went to a coffee meet up with other mums and it was so lovely. They were all so supportive. By 12 weeks, I had a routine for somewhere to go every single day of the week. Not all day, just the morning. It was enough to keep me sane.

I also made sure DH understood how horrible I was finding it and insisted he came home the second he finished work. The newborn days are NOT the time to take overtime or new career opportunities, not even for the dad. Everyone is in survival mode.

I was surprised how hard I found the newborn days. I felt they give very little back.
Earplugs helped on screaming day - just to dull the sound a bit.
It is a massive gag to go it but worth it for the social interaction. Does she like a babycarrier? That can sometime be easier than the Pram.
Keep a little eye on yourself or ask DH too. If you still feel like this in 3-4 weeks have a char with your GP.
Newborns are very boring. Can ppl come to you ? Instead of you going out? Doesn’t matter what the house is like. Adult company is good.

Newborns are hard. Having got two young DC, I’d say that actually the early toddler stage is the hardest and then it gets easier from there gradually, but it’s a different kind of hard from the newborn stage, especially when it’s your first and everything is new. Even though it’s tough, I’d recommend getting out of the house everyday and getting used to it, even if it’s just an hour at a community baby group or a short walk.take it in turns to do the night wakes and to have a lie in at the weekend, try and each get a little bit of time out.

Hugs op it's tough.

Have you tried a dummy? Different formula?

It may seem impossible but getting out WILL help you both.

Baby may settle easier after some fresh air, just chuck on some clothes then go, even if your hairs a messed baby's crying etc.

It does pass I promise. Do you have any help?

Thanks everyone. She screams or sleeps in the carrier - if she screams when I put it on, she doesn't fall asleep at all. Pram works but my legs are shot from walking already!

Dummies are hit and miss, have tried a few different types and she just doesn't consistently like anything.

I think the night feeds are the easiest but at the moment - definitely the first feed as the milk makes her sleepy so I just try not to wake her up with lights etc.

Ive been lucky and had people come to the house but I dread them leaving because she will always sleep when they're here and cry when they go! If it weren't for the fact that I know babies just want to feel safe, I'd feel offended.

DH and I are both suffering mentally to be honest - we're both keeping on top of it as best we can but just feeling it all really.

Could really do with a bit of hope, I think. My baby is healthy and I am very grateful for that, but she just isn't very happy.

Most newborns are not very happy. They come out way before they're ready for the world. They're overwhelmed, their digestive system is still developing, they can't regulate their temperature or even see very well, and are super super needy.

You do get through it. It doesn't seem like it at the time but you do.

It won't be like this forever. I really struggled with the newborn stage but it passed. Hang in there, as they say.

The first few months really are a struggle but it will get better. Getting out of the house will help (yes it's a Ball ache and in now way chill) but I imagine time sometimes moves backwards in your house at the moment with long arse days ... a trip round even a shopping centre breaks it all up a bit and distract you also as honestly it can feel like hell at times!
Once you've practised going out a bit more it will feel easier and hopefully help time pass for you x

I would second getting out everyday, just a short walk around the walk. It will get better, your baby is still very young. It takes a while to adjust to being a parent and realising you are responsible for your baby.

I definitely gets better. I had a very high needs baby, followed by a (relatively) easy one. Some people only get the latter, so they just won't understand what it's like!

I found that being very regimented with wake windows helped. With hindsight, I think he was overstimulated and went too long between naps which made him too upset to sleep and it was a vicious cycle. At 7 weeks, she should only be awake for 90 minutes maximum before going back to sleep, make sure everything is calm and quiet before that and try to settle her before she's actually tired if that makes sense.

Good luck OP

It takes a lot of adjustment when you have your first baby. Around 6 weeks is usually when what they call ‘baby blues’, it’s the time when your exhausted from the first weeks of little sleep and the reality sets in of having a baby that’s dependent on you and you have to have all your attention on it’s every need. It gets easier once you get used to it.

I had a high needs baby too it unfortunately high needs babies often become high needs toddlers. I also have an easier second baby but then there’s an easy baby and a high needs toddler. 5 years later…

By "checked for cmpa" what do you mean? There's only one way to rule out cmpa and that it to try and extensively hydrolysed formulas and then an amino acid formula and have no improvement in symptoms. Trialling each for several weeks.

Doctors love to dismiss CMPA and reflux, do double check she doesn’t have any symptoms as constant screaming isn’t normal. By 7 weeks you should be having smiles and nice moments of connection etc and I just don’t think it is normal what you’re describing. Sending sympathy.

The peak of fussiness is usually 6-8 weeks. There not really a newborn anymore but also not out of that stage yet, alert to the world but no way to interact with it i found it a tough time with DC2. I cant pinpoint exactly when it got better but I just remember one day maybe 3 months ish that they had just been happily feeding to sleep at bed time rather than me pacing the living room for 2 hours while they cried.

And I know its been said alot now but please make sure you get out of the house. I would go to somewhere a bit quieter make sure baby was well fed and dry (so I knew they were happy) and go for a walk with head phones on to listen to music to calm down, they really feed off your emotions! Bit of a catch 22 when they cry to be soothed but it often winds you up. Baby groups are great especially if its babies a similar age because they are all probably having similar problems at varying levels of intensity. Theres some comfort in solidarity and sometimes its good to just chat about it with other mums.

I hope it gets better for you all soon, I'm very confident it will 😊

Aw hang in there OP you are in the absolute hardest part, but each day you're a little nearer to coming out of the newborn fog. My baby also did 2 x 3 hour chunks most nights almost from the beginning but I still felt like i was drowning!

Don't worry about the 4 month sleep regression until it happens. My DD never went through it.

Her jabs were an amazing day because you're allowed to give calpol afterwards and she fell asleep for 4 hours that evening. Didn't notice any side effects after, it doesn't happen to all of them.

Do you have a spare room or a sofa comfy enough to sleep on? If so could you and DH alternate having the baby on each night and the other one sleeps in the other room, so you are both getting a bit more uninterrupted rest? Or do the above but you hand over the baby to the other one part way through the night?

You will get through this. Hang in there!

Also- I should have said - it DOES get better. But I and several friends whose babies had reflux or allergies have experience of being totally dismissed by doctors so just wanted to double check as this does sound quite extreme.

She doesn't have any symptoms aside from the crying - we've seen three different doctors because I thought it really was CMPA. All of them have advised against switching formulas and two were sure it was just fourth trimester challenges.

We have bouts of gorgeous cooing and smiles but it really just feels relentless the rest of the time. There is a cycle where she wakes happy, coos for five mins, screams, feeds/nappy change, then either sleeps /settles for a few mins or has bouts of screaming. She doesn't always nap in the day so I'm sure she's knackered. 😞

I’m guessing you have a play gym for her, lots of stuff for her to look at etc? She’s not bored or anything like that? Although that would be whining rather than screaming really. Bless her, it sounds horrible. She may well be uncomfortable or in pain but you just can’t know I guess. How does she respond to being upright in a sling, any better?

She has a little gym and is sometimes content in that, sometimes not. Her cry is sort of a whining but it goes on and on (different to hunger cry).

She really does go from 0 to 100, there are no cues for hunger. She yawns and I try to put her down but then she screams again. It's a bit like I can't win.

I read somewhere that you shouldn't try to get a nap out of them if it takes more Han 15 minutes - one of you will got frustrated and then cortisol will be too high to get sleep out of them. I feel like it's just constant.

We live next door to an incredibly patient mum who is so lovely with her baby who is now 14 months old. He has screamed most of the day and also about every two hours during the night for the past fourteen months. It's very tiring for us, so god only knows how she feels!

Would you consider a craniosacral therapist or osteopath? Something like that to make sure they're not in pain? Picked up some little 'injury' in tbe womb or during birth that needs adjusting? Xx

It’s so hard having a discontented baby - my first was so challenging, I remember crying to my mum that if I’d known what it was like having a baby I’d not have done it. He had a dairy allergy and beyond being incredibly unhappy, showed no symptoms at all until we started weaning him. Like others, I found GPs pretty useless - if you can, I’d really push to try a different formula and see if it makes a difference. It’s likely to take a couple of weeks at least - mine had only been having one bottle a day and it still took about 3 weeks for him to settle after we switched entirely to breastmilk, so could well be longer than that.

And do get out of the house and see people if you can! I spent a lot of time with friends whose easygoing babies just chilled while mine screamed the house down and it was tough (and my God I was jealous and wondered what the hell I was doing wrong!), but so much better than being home on my own - and they won’t mind in the same way you do, your own baby’s cries make you have this visceral response that other babies’ just don’t.

At the point of diagnosis my daughters only symptoms of food allergies was screaming! She has 20 food allergies!

She wasn't diagnosed until 17 weeks as the GP told me normal baby, by this point it had caused developmental delays. We saw a paediatrician who said probably not cmpa but at this point worth considering. I had a different baby within a few days