Should a 16 (almost 17) year boy say Thank you?

[Timbukpoo]

My nephew recently visited us for work experience as he is interested in pursuing a career which my husband works in. Besides the usual hosting, we took him out twice for a meal, took him to a car racing activity which I assume he enjoyed as he loves cars. His parents picked him up today and they were extremely grateful (provided gifts which we refused but they insisted) and said several times how much they appreciated the opportunity for him. He only said thank you once because his parents instructed him on the way out. I have two younger children who I feel are more polite, in fact the past year I have had two strangers at different times tell me how polite my children have been, once on holiday abroad as they asked for table and once at a restaurant when they went to the counter to order their food, strangers near them then came to tell us how amazed they were at their politeness and manners. Am I wrong in thinking he should be saying thank you independently at this age?

Yeah, per my post upthread, I fear that many teenagers (especially boys?) would be very self-conscious in terms of when to say it, how to say it, what the response might be etc and then would feel they had missed their moment and end up not saying anything out of awkwardness!

Also, having his parents there when he said goodbye might have quashed him saying thank you spontaneously - there have been many occasions where I've prompted my DS to say thank you as we were leaving someone's house and then we've had a huge row on the way home along the lines of:

"I was about to say thank you but you spoilt it by telling me to say thank you!"

"Well we were saying goodbye for ages, I was waiting for you to say thank you and it looked like you weren't going to!"

"I was going to but you kept talking so I didn't get the chance and then you embarrassed me, making it look though I wasn't going to say it without you telling me to!"

Aaarrrghhh!

Hopefully he'll send you a card!

Your title asked if he should say thank you but your final sentence asked if you’re being unreasonable in expecting a thank you.

So I’d answer yes to the title and no to the final sentence. I think your replies might be a bit mixed because of this.

Apologies if someone’s already said that as I didn't read every post.

Oh yes, that is confusing, sorry

People should say please and thank you as soon as they can speak imo

I remember feeling sick with dread if a relative gave me a gift because I knew I’d have to say thank you! I found it horrifically embarrassing as a teen. Who knows why …..I’m extremely polite now.

Yeah, he’s a teenage boy. They aren’t the best at expressing themselves. Give him a break! He’s probably very grateful but externalising that is likely a step beyond him at the moment.

I’d also take a second to question why you felt you needed a thank you for doing something nice (but fairly basic) to the degree you made this post when you didn’t get the reaction you felt you deserved. He’s your nephew and he’s a kid. It wasn’t like you moved a mountain for him. Be satisfied with the fact you likely made a shy, awkward, possibly pressured teenager happy for a while. There’s your reward.

I agree the hosting isn’t a big deal, he is my nephew after all, my family, so I shouldn’t expect a thank you, and it didn’t really take any effort on my behalf.

“haven’t moved a mountain”
My husband took him to his work place, showed and expose him to various aspects of his work that other 16 year olds would not get to see, I believe warrants a Thank you for that privilege. You must be taking on 16 year olds all the time into your workplace and spending time explaining aspects of your work and introducing them to colleagues etc. for this not to be a big deal?

I would be mortified if either of my DSs hadn’t said thank you on their own and showed appreciation for everything you and DH have done