Youngest in year and small for age

[ohinvertedworld]

My son is just turning 3 and so will start school next September when he has just turned 4. I’m worrying a lot about him starting school. I know a lot changes in a year but I just can’t imagine such a tiny kid going to school. He is also small for his age (7% on the growth curve chart) so I’m thinking that he’s already smaller than 93% of boys and then he’s going to be in a class with kids 11 months old than him too!

I have been researching and considering holding him back a year (I know there are options to both start 1 year late straight into Y1 which I absolutely don’t see the point of, or delay reception start to compulsory school age).

But honestly I think he’ll be bored academically being held back and I also know there can be issues later when he moves to secondary school and they can demand he skips a year back up to his correct year group. I asked in some Facebook groups for summer borns but their opinion seemed to be to hold back kids in all scenarios because they all did it (no judgement, just wanted some more balanced views).

He is very bright (great speech, knows numbers, simple addition, sounds of letters, starting to tell the time) and very physically active and capable despite his size. He’s potty trained but rarely has accidents when playing and forgets to go. He has been to nursery since 1 year old so he understands routine. When I see him play with his friends at the park or at birthday parties he has a good imagination and can be quite bossy (in a good way!). I feel like I’m projecting fears onto him of being vulnerable to being teased or bullied when maybe that’s not the case?

Does anyone have any experience of smaller than average kids being also youngest in year and how they found school?

My youngest was April born but is tiny. He had to start reception in joggers as even the M&S age 2-3 school trousers were big on him (even with the inside tightened up). He is now 8 and wears age 5-6 school clothes and is fine. Teachers were mindful of any rough play and his classmates seem very protective of him.

My eldest summer-born DS was always the smallest in his year. There were a couple of points at secondary school where bigger boys tried to bully him, but he’s pretty confident and funny so wasn’t having any of it. The hardest point was when his peers hit puberty earlier than him, and so his mates were a foot taller than him. However, he slowly and steadily grew and is now a ‘normal’ height as a 21yo.
Holding him back due to size would have been a disservice - he was so ready for school at that point!

My DS is small for his age and has been all the way through primary. He is close to normal height but very slim and light and as such he struggles with some sports in terms of strength and speed. But he joins in everything, has lots of friends, has never been picked on. In fact I would say the bigger, beefier, kids tend to be the ones getting into physical scrapes because people see them as a target. The smaller kids are often kept out of the way. He would like to be bigger so he could compete more in sports but otherwise he is really confident. He's got his fingers crossed for a growth spurt before secondary next year!

OP I am aware everyone's experience is different but don't worry about the stories of small boys being disadvantaged at sports and kept away from rough play etc. As I said above my DS was tiny but very fast. He has played football, cricket and even rugby to a good standard and has competed nationally at another sport where size can be an advantage.

Why does it matter how small he is physically? If he is very small then he likely will be through life, a year might not make so much difference anyway.

If you think he's ready academically and socially for school - and feel that he'd not just cope but be able to access the curriculum independently - then send him in.

My DS was the same, mid Aug Bday and 9th centile. He has just graduated with a 1st, 21 in 2wks. It’s never been a problem, he got top grades in GCSE and A level. He’s always been outgoing and popular amongst his peers.

This is all so reassuring thank you everyone so much for taking the time to reply with your experiences! It really has made me feel better.

I was quite relentlessly bullied at school (for being a “swot” because I tried hard, not anything physical) so I’m absolutely projecting my own worries but it’s only out of love and wanting the best for him!

Keep him back a year. My DH was summer born and very small for his age, he did well academically but he really was behind physically and emotionally and he really wishes his parents had waited a year. He just took longer to catch up and really struggled for a long time. Sports, activities, friendships, he was just too young. School work is only one aspect of it.

My MIL says it too, we have a boy born 29 August last year, so we have been having this conversation and she says if she had had the option 30 years ago she would have postponed a year.

If he's going to get bullied, they will find something to pick on - be that size, hair, intelligence....

If he's a smart cookie, I wouldn't defer.
Mine isn't the youngest, but would meet the summer-born criteria for deferral. Also 9th centile on a good day.
He's thriving, has just won the headteachers academic achievement award for GCSE years, and has a fabulous set of friends.