August born school starters

[Ketryne]

My DS has a late August birthday, so will be starting school in September at only a few days over 4. He’s been in nursery since he was 9 months old and has been at the school nursery where he’ll be starting reception since January, so he’s used to a full day out of home, as well as being really comfortable at the actual place he’ll be starting school, so I’m hopeful that it won’t be a shock when he starts.

In many ways I think he’s confidently keeping up with the kids around him - even the older ones - but in some things (particularly pencil holding/mark-making and some physical dexterity stuff) I think he’s quite behind and he has said things that suggest he’s disheartened by this (‘I’m not as good as everyone else. They can do things I can’t do’). The nursery say he’s well within the range for school starters, but that he has a tendency to give up when he finds things hard and that I need to work on his can-do attitude.

I’m really conscious of trying to get him ready for school as best I can without him feeling too much pressure. I also don’t want to rob him of the last of his toddler-hood. I feel like the school nursery has forced him to grow up so fast and I have to keep reminding myself when he can’t do something that he’s actually only 3!

Has anyone with an August born experienced these worries but gone on the have positive school experiences? He’s a bright, engaged, funny chatterbox of a boy and I’d love some reassurance that his spirit isn’t going to be crushed!

I also have an August born boy and have similar worries.

At nursery all of his friends are in the year below, and the older children have never taken much interest in him (coincidentally mainly girls, so I think in part what they’re interested in doing).

He seems so much younger than his peers, and we have the same issues that he’s not as dexterous in some activities. Emotional maturity I am less sure on.

My concern is the psychological impact of being behind or the worst at things from day one. I think we are going to have to spend lots of one-to-one time with him making sure he isn’t getting left behind.

I think he’s very normal for his age - just a lot younger than an almost five year old.

Yes I was really worried about my DD, had speech and slight delay issues. Couldn’t dress herself, still needed reminding to go to the loo etc but was bored at nursery. She found the first term really hard. Had to be reminded to go to the loo. Needed help dressing after PE but has academically been in the middle group all year. Had the odd day off for being tired but generally has been very happy

@SunshineHelloYes this is very much it. When he was at the normal private nursery, he generally spent time with children closer to his age and seemed much more confident in himself and open to learning. Since moving to the school nursery (which is a lot more like school), I’ve noticed him giving up more easily and seeming aware that he can’t always keep up with the others. He’s developed massively in the last 9 months, I’m so proud of his progress and really glad I did move him as I think the adjustment to school will be a lot easier. But I agree about being worried what the psychological impact will be. Having said that, I think he’d be desperately bored if we’d decided to defer and repeat the nursery year. I do know some people who have done this, but I don’t think it’s right for him.

Just hoping to hear some reassurance that it doesn’t impact too badly long term!

My eldest went to school less than 2 weeks after he turned 4. HE ADORED IT. The poor kid was chomping at the bit to spend the day with other kids doing stuff (he went to playschool, but not full day nursery)

He's most of the way through secondary school now, and he's never had an issue despite being the youngest in his class throughout. I've worried about the maturity thing (he's 'young for his age' in some ways) but it's not been a problem for him or the schools. He excels academically, not in sports, but then he's dyspraxic, so that was never going to be his strong suit.

edit: I see your concerns - yes, mine went to school still not completely reliably potty trained (although luckily his routine meant that wasn't an issue - and there were plenty of other kids coming out in their PE kit for the first term or two), and a bit smaller than many of the other kids, and obviously (although at the time we didn't know) being dyspraxic meant he really struggled with writing/art/co-ordination. I think maybe I was just lucky with his personality - he enjoyed being with people and didn't really care that there were things they were better than him at. Probably that's where you'll need to work with your little one, the whole 'everyone's different, some people are good at some thing, and some people are good at something else' speech

My eldest was august-born. I think it did create difficulties in some respects. His handwriting was always a bit of an issue, and socially he was less mature.

But I do think that dealing with a wide spread of ages is a core part of the skill-set of reception teachers. After all, they are teaching a group that is the equivalent of an older age range of, say, 15 to 20 year olds. The key thing is for you to be able to satisfy yourself that they are familiar with the challenges and pitfalls. Ask them how they approach it.

One of the ways that my son responded to the environment was by being a bit of a follower. He latched on to a friendship group and just went with their flow. That worked out ok for him because he was lucky enough to have a group of lovely boys in the class.

He also benefited from the presence of additional teaching support, specifically in respect of handwriting. That support was primarily there for a mate of his with cerebral palsy. It helped them both, because I think that having a friend with him in those lessons made his mate felt less singled out.

My son's self-esteem did tend to be on the low side. I'm not sure whether those first few years of schooling, when he was so much younger than many of his peers, contributed to that.

At home, he was the eldest (since he was my first-born) and at school he was the youngest. I wonder whether that helped to balance things out for him, or whether it made things harder. I expect that varies by individual.

My son, now grown, was born at the very end of August. I noticed a slight difference in the first few years of primary school but it was more a lack of maturity and confidence than anything else. There was no academic gap between him and in the long run I don’t think he was disadvantaged. Until 6th Form of course when all his friends could drive/drink (not at the same time🤣) before him.

I have a very late August boy, he’s nearly 8. I knew he was a smart kid so I wasn’t too worried about him being behind, he had the same kind of attitude and recognised he was the youngest…. It’s not fair I’m only 5 other boys can do this, other boys have more stickers than me (rewards in school) etc etc and he used to ask me alllll the time “when will I be 5 - 6 -7” but now that he is nearly 8 he’s made his peace with it 😂
Reception and year 1 he was behind with reading/comprehension and maths always either working at his age or one year below but he was making progress each year so no worries. Then he flew in year 2, he went up 7 reading groups during that year. He’s going into year 4 in September with a reading age of 11, comprehension 12+ and maths 10.
Try not to worry, I’m sure it will be fine!

Reading back my earlier post it seems more negative than I felt when I wrote it. The one or two issues I mentioned were quite specific and, in general, things were absolutely fine.

After the first year I don't think his age relative to peers was relevant at all. And it is also important to remember that age is only one amongst a load of factors (my son was eventually diagnosed as autistic). Every child is going to have a constellation of vulnerabilities, challenges and strengths that influence their settling into school. In some cases, I imagine that being the eldest in the class comes with its own pressures!

Hi! Over the summer just do lots of finger strengthening and arm strengthening exercises- play doh, large chalk, large scale painting, lots of trips to the park to hang off monkey bars. You can only meet him where he is at, don’t worry about him being behind in reception, you may find he absolutely flies or as he is late summer you may find he will develop rapidly towards the end of reception.

the can do attitude will be the most important thing for him to develop to help him thrive in reception as there will be lots of new activities he will need to have a go at but he will be absolutely fine :)

This is almost word for word what his nursery teacher has told us to work on. It’s helpful to hear some consistency and we definitely will be working on this stuff. Just want to make sure I balance it with being realistic about what he can achieve at his age vs his peers. He’s also short for his age so he’s noticeably little compared to other boys and understandably can’t climb as high as they can etc.

My August born is just coming to the end of reception. She has coped really well overall but there has been a couple of issues.

She had been in nursery since 9 months doing 8.30-6 most days and she was in after-school doing 8.45-5.30 days and even though they were shorter than what she was used to she struggled with them. She found after-school club difficult in the first half term as there weren't that many from her class there. After half term more reception kids started using the after-school club and she got used to the older kids. One of the things she found difficult was going from the classroom which was intense to the after school club that was understimulating at first. They soon learnt what activities she liked to do and she had settled in better by Christmas. We also dropped her for 4 to 3 days with grandparents covering the other day. In Feb we dropped her down to 1 day when I lost my job.

Academically she has been fabulous. Socially and emotionally she has been a bit behind as these are aspects where she's definitely more 4 yo than 5 yo. She's been doing better socially since I stopped working and we have got to know some of the local kids much better. Theres a little group of us that walk to and from school together and go to the park a few times a week. She's very small, 2nd percentile for height so started school being drowned in a 2-3y school uniform. A few times she's been upset about being called tiny and a baby. I think is more pronounced as she is a low percentile and one of the youngest but she's far from the only dinky one in her class.

Her communication has been a tricky one to get right but this is probably her personality rather than being 4. She's struggles to talk to unknown adults and this has resulted in her having toileting accidents even though she was fully toilet trained before starting school. It's only in the last half term that she has been able to fully trust the teachers with her emotional wellbeing and talk to them when feeling big feelings. Prior to this we were getting some explosive bursts of emotions when she got home after holding them in. We've also had a few issues with her not wanting to go on.

It sounds like a lot of negatives but really in the average week these are just small things and the majority of the week she does amazingly and I have no regrets in sending her at 4. The two things I have learned is you do have to advocate for all your child's needs to be met. The staff have had to be reminded that she's 4 and needs non academic based support too. She's a quiet smiley child which probably is as much of the issue as her being 4 as she always looks happy even if inside she's nervous or unsure.

Following with interest as I'm really worried about how my July born DD will cope with school and am unsure whether to defer her. She has a gross motor delay due to hypotonia (low muscle tone) and is really obviously behind other kids physcially which might always be the case but the gap may be more pronouced if shes one of the youngest in her year. At the moment she is also behind in fine motor but only just turned 3 so we have some time to work on this. On the other hand her speech and understanding seem good so am worried if I did defer her she would eventually end up bored in the younger year level. I know we don't need to decide for another year and that can be a long time in child development although if we were to defer her we really need to start preparing financially now as we would then have two kids in nursery instead of one as planned.

My DD was very end of July and friends son August. They started in the January before they turned 5 (so were 4 1/2) and were more than ready!

Is starting after Christmas a possibility?

To add another perspective, I'm one of the August crew and found being the youngest in the year was hard and frustrating to begin with but taught me resilience. It's been well worth it in the long run.

When looking at schools I asked all of them how they help the young and the small keep up. My daughters reaches some physical milestones with her dress size rather than her age as she's so small! 3 of the schools told me they are used to kids coming in all shapes and sizes. The 4th school asked me how being small impacted my daughter and what they could do to help her keep up and so on. We went with this school! they broadly are more child focused compared to the other schools in the area. They have enhanced resources status and are used to making adjustments so the school fits the pupils and not conforming the pupils to fit the school which for us has been helpful.

I have an August born currently in Y7, top sets and very confident; but every child is different and he has always been outgoing and eager to try new things. So I knew sending him would be fine plus he had an older brother at school to keep an eye out. HTH

My husband was born in late August, graduated with a first from Oxford - his Mum said he struggled for the first 6 months or so but then they all catch up (she was a TA)

Give him a paint brush and little bucket of water and get him to paint the garden lots of up down painting and loads of playdough mark making with chunky crayons for now his bones aren’t developed properly yet and ask him to get three cars / tokens / biscuits then four so he knows what 4 is over summer helps build hand muscles and gives basic skills things like independent going to toilet putting on clothes and coat, shoes. Allow for lots of down time early bedtime for first year. There is a big difference for summer born children in my opinion and I personally feel there isn’t much put in place to support them. Good luck to your little one I hope he gets there and loves it.

As the parent of a late August who started school at not quite 4 I'd defer your ds if that is possible at this point. You are describing my dd at that age (shes now almost 16) and I think being the youngest / least mature/ less able has really done her a disservice. (She is the last year where we were not allowed to defer so I had no choice even though I didn think she'd benefit from school - in some ways she did - in others it's been very hard right the way through.)

I'm a late August born and was fine at primary, top set for everything at secondary. But schools did 3 intakes per year in those days, so I didn't start until the summer before I turned 5, rather than the autumn before.

I'm also the mum of a late August baby. He was fine for primary, behind in some things. Equal in others. But his school had mixed classes and he was usually with the younger ones. So Reception was just reception.
Then year 1/R mixed. Then 1/2, 2/3 and so on.

Secondary was harder, but he had a lot of other things going on. Rejection from his dad, a new "blended" family (on his dads side). Covid. Etc. He actually changed schools in year 11 and then dropped back and repeated year 10.

He's 20 now. He's working. Has a lovely BF, is happy. Most likely undiagnosed ASD/ADHD.

If I could go back i wouldn't change things. We couldn't keep them back a year in those days, they could start a year later and miss Reception. But at 4 he was desperate to start school.

Thanks everyone, really interesting and helpful to hear stories. It feels like it’s not an insignificant factor and is likely to affect him but hopefully won’t hold him back forever. I just really need to work at his resilience so it doesn’t knock his confidence.

Yes I’ve heard this about after school club being really challenging for the little ones. I’ve found a lovely childminder 3 days a week so he’ll be looked after in a smaller home setting which I think will help. I don’t work one day a week so can do pick up myself and then I’ve arranged with my work to finish at 3 on Mondays until Christmas to help his transition so he will start after school club 1 day a week but not till January.

I’m on maternity leave at the moment, back to work in October, so it’s going to be all change for everyone as he’s got used to me being able to pick him up from pre-school at 3 and spend the afternoon with him.

Sounds a good plan.
Communication has really been key to our first year in school and me being my daughters voice when she couldn't use hers with lots of problem solving.
The bigger kids played close to the toilets at after-school club and she didn't want to go past them so we spoke to the staff and they went with her and it was easily resolved ... As long as they were familiar people!
I wouldn't say it's particularly a youngest children situation as my friends with older children in the class are doing similar it's just the things I'm raising are due to personality and her being 4. They are raising them for other reasons.

At the end of the day whether they are 4 or 5 they are tiny individuals and are growing and developing in their own ways and schools are there to help them flourish across all areas but can need some guidance in non academic needs at times. You know your child best and understand their quirks and best bits and school aren't always going to get that from the off which is where good communication between parents and teachers comes in.

I would defer reception - it’s become so common and the benefits throughout life are massive

Do kids actually appreciate it later on? I could imagine academically able kids that are held back end up bored and frustrated that they have to wait another year to go to university. Obviously it’s impossible to tell at this age whether they will be academic or not. It’s such a hard decision to make!