How to meet friends at specific times with a baby?

[Ell0718]

My LO is 7 months old and we have never had a consistent nap ‘schedule’. He has the same bedtime routine and sleep time everyday, but wakes up at a different time everyday (some time between 5.30 and 7am), which means every day his nap times are different, and also nap lengths (his morning nap can be between 2-3 hours after he wakes up, and can be anywhere from 30-90 mins)! I find this impossible to work around when I’m trying to meet people, or going to a class because I have no idea when he’ll be needing to nap until after he’s had his first nap of the day

For clarity, we only put him down when he gives sleepy cues, he sleeps great in his cot and the car but won’t pram nap, at all. I think if pram naps were an option I wouldn’t find it so stressful!

I do have a lot of anxiety about it because I would love to be able to do more with friends and their babies, but if he is overtired he will have a real meltdown and I just need to leave immediately. We have a lot of days just the two of us which are lovely, but it would be nice to have more company.

I know we’re on baby’s time and schedule and I should lean into it, he does his own thing! But I (maybe naively?) really hoped we’d be more consistent by now.

any tips on this appreciated, or any tips on how to help him nap in the pram?

I found with my first we had one day out and about and naps just fell in with our plans. Sometimes we had melt downs. The next day I would stay in and do bits and he would nap for longer, then go out the next. That worked for us.

I never really had a routine was always baby led with my first but didn't stop us doing anything. When I had my second my first had started school and feeding time and nap times always happened when I need to leave the house for pick ups.

I was quite chilled when mine were babies tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️ OP doesn’t have a routine and can’t work out when she can plan to see friends. I never said we always went home for a nap - it’s possible to have a set time & for them to nap in a buggy!

I didn’t say I was always at home - it’s possible for a baby to nap while out & about. For us it was more a case of always starting day at 7am and having consistent bed time. The day time naps were a bit more flexible & if we were on a day out it might be 1.30-3.30 but if we were at home it might be 12.00-2.00. But it definitely helped having a full night sleep & knowing we could go out in the morning.

As I said MN seems anti routine & in OPs case it might actually help her get some idea of when she could make plans.

My children are adults now, so many years ago but I cannot remember worrying about naps . They just slept in car ,pram or at home.
First Grandchild had naps at a certain time each day ,but it really affected my daughter’s wellbeing. She is much more laid back with her 2nd and daughter is benefiting from this approach.
I do think that there are too many Apps these days dictating how people should parent generally! Common sense really is the most effective approach.

Mine fell asleep whenever and zero schedule. Gina Ford was very popular at the time and my friend followed scheduling like clockwork. I just saw it as a way of having zero life to myself ever.

I remember going out when DS was 3 weeks old for dinner with friends, expressed some milk and left him with DH.

Just spent time with friends and they use an app, seemed tiring.

But this is my point. I don’t think the replies here are anti-routine. OP could easily create more of a routine that would allow her to be out and about more. She needs to accept her child grumbling about pram naps though until they get used to that being the way things are now.

The consequences of a missed nap at 2 can be much worse than a younger baby’s there is no chance to make it up later (assuming one nap). If we miss my daughters nap while out she will probably fall asleep on the way home and then refuse to sleep again until midnight and then refuse to get up the next morning which is a problem if we have work/nursery. No nap at all and she will be a grumpy nightmare for most of the afternoon and then be too tired to eat dinner and probably wake lots during night.

That makes it worse…a two year old absolutely needs their nap or the knock on impact will be awful for everyone. I take it you don’t have kids?

Lots of us have been there. Night upon night of broken sleep. Exhaustion that made newborn days look like a tea party. But far worse if they don't nap.

You know you are supposed to be working all evening because you've missed so much due to being knackered, but now she's missed the nap, she'll probably nod off in the way home and be up till midnight. So you slip further behind again, and are struggling to keep your head above water.

I think she was OTT and unpleasant in this instance, but I totally get the panic that can come from a missed nap and the knowledge that it would screw up the next few days, at a time when you feel like you're barely hanging onto your sanity