Toddler bedtimes are killing me.

[Bedtimemadness]

Any advice would be appreciated because this is soul destroying.

Ds is currently 2.5. He's a great kid and normally a great sleeper and will sleep through 99% of the time (I know I'm really lucky with this) - that is when he eventually goes down. He's completely dropped his nap about 6 months ago and that seems to be working. He's very active and busy during the day and I collect him after I finish work from nursery and do a quick dinner and then we've the same bedtime routine every night it is super consistent. But the last few weeks particularly he's been doing everything in his power to fight going to sleep . Talking, kicking off all the blankets, asking for a drink, asking for the toilet, playing with his Teddy, singing, asking a million questions, pointing out things in the room. I know he's tired, I know he's actually probably over tired but I can't collect him earlier and I'm already really organised about dinner and bedtime routine so it's as quick as I can realistically make it. But my main issue is myself. Work is really full on as much as I love it it's very busy and can be stressful. I'm a completely lone parent so everything falls to me to do and when I'm getting him down to bed I'm really looking forward to him going down for the night so I can do my housework and then maybe get an hour of downtime to myself. Tonight we've been working on bedtime for just over an hour and by this point I'm so effing dysregulated that I've had to come out of the room to calm myself and I can still hear him pottering about in his cot chatting to himself. He's quite happy and I'm very good at keeping a lid on expressing what I'm feeling around him but inside it's overwhelming frustration and I know that's not good for either of us. All I can think is that I still need to clean up after dinner, tidy the kitchen, sort the dog and then finish work I didn't get through today before I can sleep so its already likely to be a late night as it is. I never get a break so it's really important to me that I keep on top of things so I don't lose the run of myself so while I know some people will say forget the dishes that's actually really stressful to me because it means I'm starting tomorrow on the back foot.

Does anyone have any solutions? I already try to do meditations and breathing exercises but it feels futile when I can hear him and need to respond to him.

I totally get it but your little one is desperate for you. Just think he doesn’t see you all day then when he’s home with you you’re rushing round and not giving him that attention he is desperate for. Try and see it as if you do some really good attention and time with him after work you’ll get back so much time you are currently spending on bedtime being awful and you won’t be so tired

So, we've just had two full days together, we've done lots of lovely things and I've been completely available to him 100% of the time, just me and him, and last nights bedtime was exactly the same. His eyes were rolling in his head coming home from the beach yesterday but he managed to stay awake the whole way in the car and I tried to put him down at 7 after a bath and books as usual because I could see how exhausted he was and at 10pm he eventually went to sleep. So now I'm thinking it's not about lack of quality time because we've had lots of that all weekend. He's recently finished potty training and he's great at telling me when he needs to pee, but he's withholding his poos so last night he did poo in his pull ups at about 8 which probably was why he was struggling to go over initially and then I had to restart bedtime after changing him so I'm now wondering if that's part of the issue. He just is so anxious about pooing in the toilet/potty. He managed it 3 times in the last month and a bit, twice was last week so I thought we'd turned a corner with that but then nothing this week. Some times he's holding it for days which must be uncomfortable for him.

by contrast the previous night, we had a very similar type of day, did the same routine at the same time but he was sleeping within about 30ish minutes which is a huge difference.

I don’t have any advice OP but just wanted to say we’re having the same struggle. I am hoping it’s just the heat and it being so light (we have blackout blinds but have to have them open slightly to let air in as her room is so hot, and the door open to get a through breeze) or another phase, but it’s so exhausting.

Same for us it doesn’t seem to make a difference if she naps or doesn’t, if we have a busy day out doing lots or a quiet day at home etc. It’s mega hard work.

We’re going to try just leaving her to it more and not engaging with the endless requests. But it is so hard! Don’t envy you having to do it all alone either.

Potty training does sound like the root cause alright - it's a big change for the little mites! Mine will never go to sleep if they need to poop / have recently gone. 🫠

Jamie Glowacki on Instagram has good info on withholding.

I found what helped during potty training was a very high fiber diet. I made energy balls with my toddler that we nicknamed poo bombs. 😅 Oats, chia seeds, flaxseeds, dates or prunes, honey for sweetness, cacao powder for flavour and nut butter to hold it all together. Gave them some every morning with vitamin C rich fruit juice to flush them out before we left the house for the day.

Mine hated using the toilet for poos and kept going in their pants. I tried a few things before settling on out right bribery. They got a chocolate for every poo they tried to get in the toilet for a week. It worked & was surprisingly easy to wean them off of too - eventually I just said we'll have chocolate after dinner / tomorrow.

Other things that are meant to help are pooing in front of them (yes I tried this, my toddler was vaguely disgusted), showing them the splash, blowing bubbles to help loosen the abdominal muscles, or using a little toilet that doesnt seen as intimidating.

If they're withholding to the point of constipation, the constipation needs to be treated before it gets chronic as it can get impacted or stretch the lower bowel. Eric org website has some good information on this.

Sorry for the essay - I went through so many digestive issues & potty training learnings with my lot!

No this is great info thanks so much, I'll definitely look at that account to see if there's anything else to try! I've been letting him watch me go, we've tried breathing exercises on the toilet, stickers and chocolate for rewards and he's been practicing with his teddies doing 'poos' on the potty (brown pom poms), lots of poo related books and he's a good diet and plenty of fibre and water but he will just hold on to it and say he doesn't need to go until he physically can't any more, I know he's trying to wait to bedtime when he gets his pull ups on and he'll go then.