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Original poster

Ex moving 3.5 hours away with my 3-year-old, not on birth certificate — what can I do?

42 replies

RealFawn · 27/06/2025 09:14

Hi everyone,
I’m a dad to a 3-year-old girl. My ex-partner is planning to move 3.5 hours away with our daughter. I’m not on the birth certificate, so I don’t have Parental Responsibility yet.
Right now I drive about 40 minutes to see my daughter twice a week, and I spend around 4 hours with her each time. I go to my ex’s house, and she has always allowed me to see my daughter — she isn’t a bad person and does not stop me having contact. We’re generally OK with each other.
Part of me feels it might be nice for my daughter to move because she would have a nice garden to play in and more space. But driving 3.5 hours there and back regularly is going to be exhausting and stressful. I’m scared I will lose my bond with her if she’s so far away, and that I won’t be able to be the dad I want to be for her.
I’m not sure what my rights are. I want to stay involved in my daughter’s life but also do what’s best for her. I’ve heard of Child Arrangements Orders and Prohibited Steps Orders but don’t know where to start.
I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation — especially on how to keep a strong relationship with your child if the other parent moves far away, and what I can do legally if I need to challenge it.
Thanks for any advice or guidance.

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 27/06/2025 09:17

You would have to have court approved dna testing and have a judge order for you to go on the birth certificate.. Then you can apply to prevent them moving. At least not without a decent contact schedule in place. Remember it's about what your dd needs not you. But if the relationship has been going great you need to push forward with a plan.

My df gave up seeing me when my dm was frankly a cow..... As an adult I haven't seen him for over 25 years. Just no bond there...

AnotherVice · 27/06/2025 09:18

Why, in three years, have you not cared for parental responsibility?

MidnightPatrol · 27/06/2025 09:19

Why aren’t you on the birth certificate?

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Original poster
RealFawn · 27/06/2025 09:24

She went to the office without me and did not put my name down at the time. I have pushed it multiple times to get my name but she has always stopped it. I have had no issues from seeing my daughter so i just left it as is. But now this move has broke me and not sure if i should let it happen and visit when i can and facetime a lot or take action and stop it. She hates living where she is now and wants to move but i will have no relationship with my daughter and it breaks my heart

OP posts:
hedgingmybets25 · 27/06/2025 09:24

Why aren’t you on the birth certificate? You don’t really have a lot of “rights” when you haven’t attempted to rectify that first. As it stands you have no parental rights and the mother can pretty much do as she pleases

hedgingmybets25 · 27/06/2025 09:25

You’ve had 3 years to sort it out
were you together when she was born?

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 27/06/2025 09:29

Instead of seeing her for 8 hours a week could you have her everyother weekend, with mum meeting you halfway each time. I know it's a long trip but worth considering.

Chocolateorange22 · 27/06/2025 09:31

Sorry to be blunt. If she went to the registry office and didn't bother to put your name on are you sure that she is your child biologically?

I'd be questioning it and getting a DNA test before going down the legal road of getting you name on the birth certificate and fighting for access.

Original poster
RealFawn · 27/06/2025 09:32

@hedgingmybets25 at the time yes, i had always mentioned but she was insistent on i would not be on it and i had no funds to get any help either

OP posts:
Original poster
RealFawn · 27/06/2025 09:33

@Chocolateorange22 yes i know what you mean. she is definitely my child as she looks like me a little. also we were always together so she could not have done anything like that. this was during lockdown as well

OP posts:
CheeseWisely · 27/06/2025 09:37

MidnightPatrol · 27/06/2025 09:19

Why aren’t you on the birth certificate?

The mother probably came on here to complain about some minor disagreement with the OP and was told not to put him on the birth certificate under any circumstances, as most unmarried pregnant Women are told around here.

hedgingmybets25 · 27/06/2025 09:37

It’s going to cost money to go to court to get a prohibited steps. You’d be better off using that money to apply to go on the BC and then going to court

Twelftytwo · 27/06/2025 09:40

Are you in a position to move a bit closer to where they will be?

Dingalingalong · 27/06/2025 09:41

CheeseWisely · 27/06/2025 09:37

The mother probably came on here to complain about some minor disagreement with the OP and was told not to put him on the birth certificate under any circumstances, as most unmarried pregnant Women are told around here.

Show quote history

What makes you think it would be something minor?

sonoonetoldyoulifewasgonnabethisway · 27/06/2025 09:43

Do you pay maintenance if you are not on the certificate?

I think you need to sit down with the mother and have a conversation. Is she not putting you on the certificate because she thinks you may want to gat 50/50 custody, there must be a reason she doesn't want you on it. I know you said she looks a little like you but would you bet your life on it?

You could do every other weekend and meet halfway as PP said.

Chocolateorange22 · 27/06/2025 09:50

RealFawn · 27/06/2025 09:33

@Chocolateorange22 yes i know what you mean. she is definitely my child as she looks like me a little. also we were always together so she could not have done anything like that. this was during lockdown as well

Thank you for not thinking I was being insensitive. We do hear lots about men not wanting to have a relationship with their child so what oyu are doing is admirable. However it seems that there is a niggling reason to why she won't allow you onto the birth certificate. Some solicitors do a 30 mins free consultation and CAB might also be worth another shout. Best of luck in trying to resolve this and I hope you manage to continue your relationship with your daughter.

DaisyChain505 · 27/06/2025 09:54

If she moves the courts will say she should be the one to travel to you to facilitate contact with your daughter.

Nextdoormat · 27/06/2025 09:57

My DD and GD moved 3 hrs away from Dad. Every other Friday they meet half way and GD stays with Dad till Sunday teatime and they do it in reverse. It's not ideal BUT DD now has the family support to continue her v demanding job which involves travel.Dad has GD at half term and summer is having her 2 weeks. They have a very close relationship and speak on Teams etc all the time. It can work, but you need to put the effort in and communicate with ex properly.

Ohmygodthepain · 27/06/2025 09:59

I don't think a DNA test is required if there is a long-standing pattern of contact, and importantly that the mother acknowledges you're the father.

I'd speak to someone about a prohibited steps order - not sure if you'd be able to do it without being on the birth certificate, or if you can do this at the same time.

Original poster
RealFawn · 27/06/2025 10:29

Thank you everyone for your advice.
At the time, our relationship was on and off, and the reason she gave for not putting me on the birth certificate was because she thought I might try to take our daughter away — which I never would have done, but that was her worry.
I want to be there for my daughter, but at the same time, I do want her to live somewhere nice with a garden, which she would have if she moved. That makes me think maybe I should just let this happen and do my best to see her whenever I can and keep video contact going.
Is there anyone here who grew up as a child in this kind of situation? I’d really like to hear from adults who experienced their parents living far apart — did you manage to stay close to both parents, or did it change how you felt about them?
Thanks again for all the advice so far.

OP posts:
cherriescherri · 27/06/2025 10:37

This happened with my partner also.

it doesn’t cost a lot to go to court and sort this. I’d do that first, be put on birth certificate.

Do you want to stop her from moving? As she is the one moving, really she should be the one facilitating the contact and travel… or at least do most the journey. Id also be asking to have your child for longer periods over night etc. Is there a reason why this hasn’t happened yet? Is it because of the age?

cherriescherri · 27/06/2025 10:39

If I’m honest, my partners relationship was great while she was young, but now she is nearly 13 she hardly wants to come and stay with us because she wants to see her friends etc at weekends and school holidays. My partner has started to go up there more but we are seeing her less due to the distance. It’s around 4-5 hour journey there.

mindutopia · 27/06/2025 10:46

Spending 8 hours a week with a child isn’t really having an involved role as a parent in her life. At 3 years, assuming you’ve been an active parent, even if only a few hours a week, since she was born, then I’d be expecting you to have full days together, overnights, going on holiday. That’s what normal parents are doing with 3 year olds.

As you are having minimal contact, I can see that there would be advantages to her moving for a better life. Then contact can shift to weekends and school holidays. You would actually get proper time together then and be able to do the actual parenting, bathtime and bedtimes, and cooking for her, and play dates with friends and family, not just a few hours here and there. I think that might actually give you an opportunity to really get stuck in, but I would want that formalised by the courts before any move. That will mean sorting PR, paying maintenance, etc.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 27/06/2025 10:46

Well your postal don't track.

the child cant be 3 and you have had the discussion around registering her during lock down.

Your ex cannot name you on the BC if you aren't there unless you were married.

If it meant that much you should have gone to the appointment or followed up in the 3 (or 5) years since.

You have no rights and cannot applying form orders without being on the bc.

Haappy · 27/06/2025 10:49

Sorry to hear your situation, it sounds heartbreaking. Is it an option for you to move closer to the new location?

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