What age would you let your kids play out un attended?

[Northy101234]

We live in a very safe area, on a new build estate. Our house is on a square of houses with a large communal lawn in the middle. There is a road on one side but it’s fairly quiet and the square is fenced. My children don’t have to go near the road to access the grass, it’s almost like a communal front garden. The kids are always out in the summer on their bikes etc and I normally sit out with them to keep an eye. The last few weeks I’ve been letting my two boys play out without me, they are 4.5 and 6.5 and very sensible! I have the front door open so I can hear them and check every 10 minutes. I’ve had very mixed responses from friends, some being completely appalled I’ve let them go out on their own and some not having an issue. I’m completely undecided whether I’m doing the right thing so wanted to hear different opinions? Thanks

4 is quite young imo...I'd let them play but I'd be watching them all the time to be honest.

We didn’t until just before tenth birthday, though our equivalent “out” patch of shared grass is very slightly further from the house. 4 definitely seems too young, and I wouldn’t do 4&6 together assuming that is safer as they are “together” as a 6 yr old is also way too young to be responsible for a preschooler. Tbh I’d probably be going for 6&8 without you outside and 8&10 if they are anywhere other than literally in your “front garden”.

About 10, as that's the age they tend to start walking to school alone so it seems silly to insist on watching them at that age. I wouldn't want my dcs out alone younger than that - they are both girls and we live in a busy touristy bit of London - safe enough with supervision but not without. I let them roam in the big parks while keeping an eye from a distance. I think that's more interesting for them than to just be stuck in the streets outside our house anyway.

Mine are 6&7 (nearly 8) and I won't even let them play in the "alley' behind our house. Other kids play there and they ask me constantly but I say no, we have a garden to play in. Too young at 4.5 and 6.5. I'll be waiting till they're older & we also live in a very nice safe area. Just isn't worth the risk imo

It depends the child. But that sounds like a safe set up.

My kids play out in our estate in front of our house but there is a quiet road to cross before the grassy area. I stopped watching them all the time by about 7/8. Now I just keep an eye out.

When DD was 4 I lived somewhere with a communal front garden and a little playpark across the very quiet road. All the kids played out unattended, the youngest of them was 3 (always with her older siblings, 4 and 5) and I let DD join them, with ten minute checks to begin in and then increasing the time. The kids were always in and out of my house though, they seemed to think it was a good place to play, so I saw them frequently.

It was idyllic really, lovely place for children to grow up but we moved away when DD was nearly 6 (and now she hates those children that she used to play with every day!)

I think I’d let my son out alone at 12/13 minimal, all other times I’d watch, especially under 10 I’d be there to keep an eye. Totally what you feel comfortable love. With your situation though and the location I’d wait till 10. X

Four seems very young. I think it's difficult to say without knowing the area, but personally I would say maybe 8 and 6 absolute minimum?

But that would be with very sensible children, no troublemakers in the neighborhood, no concerns about local teens etc... I would prefer older.

Sorry what? Your child is 4 years old and you let them wander around the neighborhood unsupervised? That's insane to me.

Personally I think that is too young, my daughter is 9 and we also live in a quiet road with a green out the front, however I can’t shake the thought that I could look away for 2 minutes and someone in a van would have time to pull up, put her in the back and drive away. For me it’s just not worth the risk.

I would also add that the dangers aren't always obvious.

There is a 4 year old often at our local park supervised by their 8/9 year old sibling who is frankly vicious to him. I have intervened a few times when it's violent at which point the older sibling goes to find their mum and tells them my children were mean to her. That mum refuses to believe her DD could possibly be a vicious bully to her younger brother but I see it again and again. Supervising your 4 year old feels to me something you just need to do

This must be a reverse. At 4.5 I’d be out there watching the majority of the time.

My children are 10 and 7 and often play out in a field directly behind our house (nowhere near a road, our garden directly backs onto it). This is the first year I’ve let the 7 year old out there without being out there with him. No way would I at 4.

7 or 8 if they're in a group for short intervals. By 10/11 mine were roaming the locality with their mates.

I wouldn't start getting into that, once it starts it will be very difficult to stop

when my dd was 5 or 6 she played out unsupervised on the cul de sac we live on. To play with the other children on the street.

only you know what the street is like, vicinity and what the other children are like. If you are comfortable with it, that’s all that matters. A lot of children aren’t given small steps of independence for their age.

I have an almost 5 year old and no way would I allow him outside on his own, I would need to sit outside. But I know I'm more on the anxious side of parenting.

I wouldn't. Certainly not in primary school. Lots of scum bags round here.

4? My initial thought after reading the start of the post was my daughter has just turned 9. I'd allow it this summer if I lived in the kind of setting you described.

My eldest is seven and I've only just started letting him play out the back on his own, we have an access road that is blocked off between all the terraced houses and he plays with his friend but I check always and leave the door open

It sounds a lot safer and easier to keep an eye on than most places. If it's literally some grass outside the house I'd let mine do it but I'd keep watch through the window, especially at first.

While I think you are doing exactly the right thing in giving your children independence even at a young age… I do think you need to be able to see them (but no need to be standing next to them). There is always the potential for something unexpected to happen that they don’t have the experience to deal with.

It really depends on the set up. We live in a rural hamlet in a small cul de sac of a handful of houses, off a country road. There are kids in most of the houses and in the summer they are all out playing and riding their bikes from age 3ish to early secondary school. I know all the neighbours, we are in and out of each others houses all the time and usually at least one adult will be out the front pottering at any one time.

I let my 3 year old and 6 year old play out, but I also live in the corner house so have a view of the whole cul de sac and frequently go out and check on them.

OP I think we have a very similar set up. Our front garden is next to a path and then we have a large patch of grass right in front, there’s a quiet road either side of the grass patch but the grass stretches the whole of the street. My 8 year old has recently been allowed out to play with the other kids on the street, he was allowed sporadically around a year ago but only if his 12yo sister was with him. All the neighbours know all the children on the street and often pop out to say hello to them etc or throw them out an ice lolly but I wouldn’t have said before 8, and he’s really responsible

4 is quite young, I’d say 6/7 in this situation

This feels very young OP sorry. It does sound like you live in a safe place but it takes one weirdo in that 10 minutes. It also feels a lot of pressure on the 6 year old. I would say 8 and 10 is the perfect age (when together.)