Toddler at older child's swimming lessons

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

Just after some advice really. 6YO started swimming lessons recently after 6 months at old school but I wasn't happy with how they taught them.

The new swimming lessons are at our local leisure centre. Parents sit poolside approx 3ft from the edge of the pool. There is no gated off area or wall.
I have an 18 month old who is very active and is not easily distracted with toys. I can mostly leave him with my parents while I go, but there are times where they won't be available for a few weeks at a time. I explained this yesterday to the staff and asked if they allow buggies poolside and they said no everyone leaves them outside but toddler can sit and watch. I explained the result will be him screaming wanting to get in the pool or run around which is not safe, so I need to bring a buggy in. They suggested ipads, toys, etc but i know the result will be all of these things being launched in to the pool because he will only want to get in. If he's in a buggy I can face him away, distract him, and ply him with snacks. It's just not safe for him otherwise.

They then said its fine to bring the buggy in but would really prefer that I didn't and to only do it as an exception every now and again.

...any thoughts or ideas? I have no idea how to entertain him outside of strapping him in and hoping for the best, I really don't feel that it is safe not to have him in a buggy. Surely I'm not the only person with an 18 month old who doesn't have childcare every week?

i don't have any advice, just solidarity!

DS was like this. I took an absolute roasting on MN back in the day when I tried to talk about how tiring it was looking after him. He'd been so easy to look after as a baby. As a toddler he just wouldn't listen to me and I was exhausted.

Posters said his behaviour was just normal toddler stuff and I just wasn't trying hard enough, he should be better behaved and it was my fault he wasn't etc etc. I felt like a failure.

4 years later, DD was the same age and was an absolute dream, behaviour-wise, in comparison. My parenting was no different, though.

4 years later again, DS was diagnosed with autism (high functioning). It wasn't my parenting! He really was harder work than other toddlers!

Now, DS has grown into the most wonderful young man. He's kind, great company, quirky in all the best ways, and very smart - he's predicted 8s and 9s on many of his subjects (A and A* in old money). I'm so very proud of him and wouldn't change him for the world.

I'm just mentioning this, in case you get posters piling on and saying you're not trying hard enough / parenting right / a toddler should be able to do XYZ.

I'm not saying your DS is neurodiverse - he may just be very strong willed!

But, all DC are different and some genuinely are harder work than others at certain stages! Those who have no experience of this should count their lucky stars and not lecture others!!

Thinking about the lessons, on the occasions where you have your youngest with you, do you have to sit poolside?

Could you stay outside with him? Is there somewhere he could run about outside ideally, or if not, sit in the buggy with you?

Would you eldest be happy to meet you in the changing room on those days?

Do you have to sit pool side? Could another parent give you a call if you stayed local if you are needed? I would be tempted to sit in entrance or go for a walk very nearby so that I could entertain the toddler in that situation and watch when you do have childcare?

@newhouseplanswhat a lovely post and how wonderful for you that your son is doing so well. I too had one of those who was absolutely impossible as a toddler. When we went to the library for book time (which his older sister loved), he would start screaming the minute we got in (I think because he knew he was meant to be quiet!). At one point I thought he would never get a job as he’s so ND but he’s found one and it’s been the making of him.

OP - do you need to sit by the pool? If you can I would scarper, even if it’s just to a nearby playground!

Not sure if the set up but could you swim with the toddler during the lesson?

Can you not sort childcare with a friend (maybe each have the others at different times). Pay a teenager to go with you & take DS for a walk in his buggy? Pay a babysitter?

try a different pool with a different set up (parents on z different lever )ours had an upstairs) or crevhe.

My DD aged 2 is like this. There is no way I could take her poolside to watch others swim, she wouldn't be distracted into settling. She also won't sit in a buggy.
The only way I have done it is for my older DD aged 7 is to book swimming lessons when I have childcare for DD2 as it would be impossible otherwise. I know that's not helpful but sending solidarity to you!

As PP have said, do you have to be present poolside or can you go off for half an hour?

There is a reason why they have a no buggy rule - asking if you can break that rule because you can’t control your toddler is unfair on everyone else. You need to look for a different venue for swimming lessons if you can’t either get someone else to take the swimmer or to have the toddler.

I agree with this

I used to take toddler swimming whilst my older child was having a lesson. Not all of the pool was closed off for lessons.

Surely you don’t have to sit at the side of the pool?
At my Ds lessons parents aren’t allowed in at all unless they pay to swim at the same time. So parents wait in the cafe, walk, or just in the entrance area.
Most parents with younger siblings take a scooter or balance bike or trike with them and 1/2/3 year play olds outside a bit. Then bribe with snack

My ds is 5 and they expect him to get himself changed and showered after and meet me outside ( along with the other 10 is 4-6 year olds).

I would just drop child off then take 1 year old to play in an area away from the poolside. Maybe stay the first 5 mins and return 5mins at the end if you want to watch.

This. Take your little one for a walk outside during the lesson. Neither of you need to be there.

I agree with this. You're being entitled.

I’m amazed you are allowed to sit poolside at all. At our swimming lessons a parent wouldn’t even be allowed to on their own. Children from 3-4 are sent through from the changing room, then all the parents go and either watch from a window in the corridor or sit upstairs where there are tables and chairs near another window. That works brilliantly, as any accompanying toddlers can use the table for bricks, colouring etc. There’s also some comfy sofas for a cuddle and story.

Does your pool have anywhere else you can wait? That could help you.

I was the mum of the toddler running rampage. I took 100 books and toys and just had to ride out the embarrassment while he had huge meltdowns and ran around all the other parents. I got a lot of looks! But it was 29 mins once a week so I just sucked it up. Now he's 6 and we still get quite a few meltdowns but he is more controllable.

Buggy wheels are totally grotty so it's a great rule - don't ask to break it.

We did lessons at the weekend so dh or i went and the other looked after the other dc.

It's really not the pools problem to solve, just find lessons at a time when you dh can help or go to lessons where you don't sit poolside. These factors you can control! These lessons don't work for you at all so change things, don't ask them to change.

I think you need to try it before ruling it out. I’m sure you can prevent an 18month old throwing things in the pool. Give them snacks, sing songs, read a book etc.

Agree with others in that do you have to sit and watch? Can you go for a walk whilst the lesson is on instead?

Our pool insists on parents staying poolside for younger swimmers. The lessons also take up the whole pool, so swimming with the toddler doing lessons wouldn’t be possible.

I think I’d be looking for different lessons, potentially ones that allowed me to swim with the toddler during the lesson.

In the save situation 10+ years ago I:

Put shoe covers on the buggy wheels.
Watched from the public gallery which also had a cafe and space for my toddler to play.
Swam with my toddler in the big pool, whilst my 4 year old had lessons in the small pool.

Use a babysitter for your toddler while you take your older child to his lesson. That’s what the rest of us had to do.

The pool staff shouldn’t have to alter their policies because you haven’t sorted out childcare.

Don’t sit and watch on those days. This is the simplest solution, I don’t know why you’d get in a flap about it. Take your other child to the cafe for a snack or outside for a wander. Is there a play park nearby?

ODFOD.

The OP is not "in a flap". 🙄

She is asking for suggestions about parenting. on a parenting forum.

Any particular reason you decided to be so unnecessarily rude to her rather than just stick to giving helpful advice?

“ODFOD” yourself.

Theres no problem to solve. Kid in lesson, off for a wander with toddler. Some can sit passively in a buggy, some can’t. OP knows her kid can’t sit for the duration of a lesson, so take him out while it’s on.

It’s a great rule. This is a you problem not a them problem, what you describe is a completely normal and acceptable set up. If you can’t make it work with your younger child you need to look for a different time or a different venue.