Baby sobbing and feel awful

[AleaEim]

Hi,

I have an almost 6 month old who used to be an amazing sleeper (think 8 hours stretches with no wake ups) until two months ago, sleep regression etc. Her naps have also become ridiculous and I also think her wake windows are becoming much longer, she’s only showing sleepy signs after 3 hours min and 3.5 before bed, its hard to fit three naps in basically, she’s just not tired enough. Last night was particularly bad, she woke every 1-2 hours, I ebf and feed her to sleep but I think that’s becoming a bad habit as I don’t believe she needs it hourly and could be causing the wake ups? DH tends to do well rocking her to sleep but she has started to reject that lately.

This morning, after finishing lucy wolf’s stay and support book, I decided to just put her in her crib and see if she would sleep independently while I supported her (she used to do this no problem), of course she screamed and I gave up after 10 minutes, I then put her in her pram (this used to be a guaranteed way of getting her to nap but has becomes trickier lately, she was ok for a few minutes, playing and moaning to herself but then started crying harder and harder. Sleep deprivation and thinking of how books are telling me not to create bad habits made me persevere and I left her in the pram to cry while I had a quick shower. She got into hysterics and is now sobbing, trying to fall asleep while I comfort feed her but her sobs are so hard they are waking her back up. This happened a few times before where she got into hysterics at bath time and her sobs would prevent her from sleeping. I’m not sure I can even do gentle sleep training with her if her sobs then prevent her from sleeping, it’s counter productive and makes me feel awful.

any tips anyone? She’s now been awake four hours but looks like she’s finally nodding off, her naps and bedtime used to be so easy, she’d go down same time everyday but now everyday is different.

I can almost hear my baby laughing at this

There is SO MUCH wrong with this that I can't unpack it all. I can only guess that this person was being sponsored by formula companies and also really hates babies. Babies under 12 months should ALWAYS be fed on demand, i.e. whenever they want and if breastfed as much as they want. Scheduling feeds is bad for bottle fed babies and worse for breastfed babies. A 2 month old baby having 4 feeds a day is neglect, they need 8-12 feed a day, and babies need to feed through the night until at least 6-12 months. And a newborn having 5 feeds a day! You know their stomach is the size of a cherry? The bit about 12 months "should be fully weaned"?!?! This "consultant" needs to be introduced to the NHS. And probably jailed for encouraging mothers to starve their babies. No wonder they slept with so few calories, I'd be exhausted if I was being limited to a 3rd of the number of meals I needed!

OP, PLEASE DO NOT DO ANY OF THIS.

Just cut out a nap and please don’t leave her in her crib, it wil get better

Ignore books that say you mustn't get into bad habits and do what feels right 6 months is tiny and it's natural for her to wake in the nigh and fed on demand . It's very unusual for tiny babies to sleep for 8 hours at a time so I think you have been accustomed to that.
But also she doesn't need 3 naps a day. So I wouldn't push for that either . Try and get out and about as much as you can and tell yourself
that this phase won't last forever.

It is also cruel

And dangerous, to starve and sleep deprive babies. I'm horrified that anyone thinks this is acceptable.

Always start with bedtime. Your choice whether you apply it to night wakings, we found that by learning to go to sleep by himself meant he woke less in the night too. Your choice whether you do it for naps at the same time, but that is what is recommended (at least naps 1 and 2, nap 3 is hard and short anyway).

I slowly reduced feeds (by 1 minute) until he dropped his first 2 night feeds by himself as well. I found the huckleberry summary on Ferber really helpful.

Don’t push for later bedtimes - it’s completely counter intuitive but overtired babies don’t sleep and wake at 4.30/5am. Follow her lead, drop to 2 naps and an earlier bedtime for now. You may also need to go to bed earlier ready for an early morning. As she gets used to the 2 naps, she should start extending her day and therefore sleeping a bit later.

But if you force a later bedtime than she wants / needs you are going to start an overtired spiral into chaos!

I am all for sleep training and routine, which has worked well for us. But this is fucking ridiculous and in no way applicable to a breastfed baby. There are not nearly enough feeds there.

My DD was never a big sleeper, gave up naps early and still went to bed late and was awake early. I was just led by her it was pointless and upsetting for us both to try and force the issue, when she was falling asleep put her to bed, if she wanted to nap let her nap if she didn't ok. The one way she would sleep was in the car seat when driving anywhere. As someone else said babies are individuals and expecting them all to have read the text book doesn't work unless you are very lucky.

I certainly wouldn't try for three naps if she's not tired, make the first attempted nap later and a bigger gap to the second and bed when she's ready. If she won't nap just let her get up and carry on until she is tired, she's becoming a little person with her own body clock.

Maybe she’s not feeling well? I think by six monthe a lot of babies nap twice a day.

We did the same.

There's a section at the end of the original Ferber book that says if the child is still taking 20 plus minutes to go to sleep (as in crying/distressed not just babbling away before nodding off) and/or still having frequent night wakes that they scream in, after 10 days (we made it to 8) then it is not the right method / time for that child and to stop.

Really? What method did you use?

I won’t, I stopped reading when I saw the wake up time was 7am and first nap was just 2 hours after, not a chance!!

Before ‘Ferberising’ your baby please look into the impact on attachment and the physiological effects of cortisol spikes in infants. If your baby is screaming and sobbing she is terrified, she doesn’t have the ability to understand object permanence or that you’ll come back eventually. I find this all quite sad.