DS (reception age) hates school and it’s getting worse

[ReceptionProblems]

DS (just turned 5) has always been a sensitive, highly strung child. Very attached to me and DH. Went to nursery 2.5 days per week from age 1 - 4 and cried pretty much every single drop off, that kind of thing.

Reception so far has been difficult. He’s usually tired and volatile after school. But seems to relax at weekends and school holidays. This holiday has been different though. He’s been so emotional and quick to anger and hasn’t wanted to leave the house.

Hes always said he hates school but we kind of brushed it off. Tonight he went to bed crying saying how much he hates school. Hates the work, hates being away from DH and I, doesn’t have any friends.

I want to email the school but DH kinda shrugged and said I’m being ‘that parent’ and all kids hate the holidays ending.

Can I get some opinions please?

OP, I'm sure I would have soldiered on hoping it would just get better with time, but now I would say that you should try to address this before it gets a bigger deal for both you/DH and DS.
After all, he will have 13ish more years in school to go after this one!
And part of his anxiety may be driven by vibes that you are both unwitringly sending??

He sounds autistic. I struggled a lot with school in a very similar way. I kept struggling as I grew up and ended up dropping out at 15. Is a diagnosis something you would maybe be interested in pursuing? He could be offered a lot of support once diagnosed.

I didn’t get my diagnosis until my mid twenties as my parents kept pooppoing suggestions that I might have it. I feel like if I’d maybe had that support in place I wouldn’t have left school so early.

i also think it’s partly because he was so young. I’m Scottish born but grew up in England, and IMO English schools have their children start way too young.

i would be going to GP rather than/ as well as school.

just to say, school may not be aware of kids telling him to go away etc. I was bullied at several schools I went to, and teachers constantly pretended to not notice it. To many at school I looked well adjusted but was not.

Oh dear my son is similar age and has struggles but I talk to the teacher every day before school if he's not himself or he's made comments about school issues. Communication is super important and you mustn't brush off your child's concerns, imagine if you were stressed out and hating work and your partner forced you to go and brushed off any complaints, you'd be fuming.
Just because you communicate with your child and with school doesn't mean you're accepting that school isn't necessary, but you can make things better.
In my experience the school love to know what works at home and how he's getting on because it lets them put things in place for him.
It also means your child can be picked up for any other issues eg ADHD more quickly as the school has a fuller picture of any struggles.
Also it's with talking to the senco at school if extra support is needed. But I've no idea what "that parent" means other than your partner is burying his head in the sand . Don't be "that parent" that ignores their child's struggles.
Deal with it sooner rather than later as secondary will be when it all goes wrong if it's not dealt with now.

Oh gosh OP that brings back memories.
My DD2 cried every single day going into infant school.
Every. Single. Day.
At lunchtimes she would have a teacher sit with her as she missed me. She loved that teacher and still does now.
i was dreading her starting at the junior school down the road but she took to the new teacher on their introduction afternoon and never another tear was shed. Amazing!
I mean she still hates school and always will (she’s currently taking her GCSEs) but she’s mostly grown out of all the things you mention, now has a friend group, hand only hurts some of the time…
I think you just need one good change to turn things around. Maybe when the birthday parties start he will strike up friendships. Don’t despair!

Having great language and being above average at school most certainly does not go against having SEN …….

It sounds like a school environment is over whelming for him.
How is he in other situations, Parties, Soft play, Loud environments, Trains, in crowds etc?
The fact he is in bed crying about school at his age is not normal and urgently needs addressing

Can you try a different school, sometimes it might just not be a good fit. I've noticed this with some of my friends children at nursery where they cry at drop off, and then have changed and have no issues at the new place. Can he tell you why he doesn't like it exactly? There might be a specific reason for it

Having been through this with my now 13 year old since the day she started school I’d definitely recommend you contact them. My daughter is now a school refuser and when she is in school she’s constantly in trouble trying to get herself “kicked out”. I have single parented for 12 years but she has weekly visits with her dad and his family. It’s hard and I’ve cried so much over the years. Get in touch with his school now and see what support is available.
My daughters schools haven’t ever been very supportive but that’s largely down to where we live (rural not many options etc).
In my experience it doesn’t get better.
it’s really hard so sending love OP

He needs friends. That is absolutely crucial. Don't know what the situation with birthday parties & play dates is like but you need to go out of your way to arrange a social life for him or get to know the other parents. The school can do their best but they cannot force children to include or play with others. These friendships have to form organically, and ideally outside the school setting.

There is a little boy in DD's class who has some behavioural issues and tends to be "that kid" who other children talk about when they get home. However his mum is lovely and really makes an effort with the other parents. She volunteers for events, helps organise things, throws whole class birthday parties and is overall really sociable. As a result, her son is included in everything, loves school and made a lot of progress over 2 years.

Could your boy be ASD? The releasing of tensions at home could be his outlet for trying to cope during the day. Home is his safe zone. This was my first sign that it was something that needed looking into.

I have a child in reception and there are a few children that struggle with school varying from occasionally to frequently and the school has been quite receptive with working with the parents to make the situation as easy as possible for the child. I'd absolutely be talking to the school.

We had a term of my daughter saying most days she didn't want to go to school. She was generally ok once we left the house so by the time we got to school she looked very happy to go in even though I had her screaming from the point of waking to leaving the house. My daughter will smile most of the time whether she is happy, sad, angry, scared or in pain so getting the school to look beyond that facade has been hard and get them to help her to explore her feelings.

Having no one to play with was one of the things that made her not wanting to go to school. For her it was lunchtime that she struggled with more and the teacher arranged for the lunchtime monitors to keep an eye on the reception children and start some games if there were any lonely children. We did get "oh but she plays with lots of children" from the staff they changed their attitude when I said that her reality is school is a place where no one plays with her, even though that might not be reality it's her perception of the school day. After saying that the teacher said that often there would be a group of girls sat in a circle on their coats and my daughter would be sat next to them. The teacher had perceived this as her being part of that game but that wasn't how she was perceiving it

One thing that has made a big difference is the warm weather, walking home where she can run with other classmates and having several park trips a week.
Some of her classmates have adjustments to help them get into school, from headphones for the noise to small relaxation in uniform to reduce the barrier to getting the child out of the door to school. Another had an issue with things that were around them in the classroom so the teacher moved the thing they were worried about.