Do you tell child what to wear?

[real13]

I was talking to one of the Mums at school recently.
She was having issues with her Daughter (5) because she wouldn’t wear the clothes that she wanted her to.

Both my children picked their own outfits from a young age (maybe 3 ish). I would then buy clothes based on what they liked. Eldest loved sporty clothes & youngest would only wear fluffy tops, so I just made sure I bought those.
It’s never crossed my mind to try and make them wear clothes they didn’t want to wear.

I kind of said pick your battles, and how I didn’t think it mattered if kids picked their own clothes etc, but she got a bit defensive and said if her kid won’t even listen to her with regards to wearing outfits, then she’s not going to listen to her about anything else. She said she tries to put her off certain clothes by saying yuck when she tries to pick them etc.

Personally, I find it odd. I don’t understand the issue with a kid wanting to pick their own outfit?

I am a bit ‘soft’ perhaps as a parent, so maybe I’m the odd one. Did you pick your own children’s outfits at that age?

I have three boys ages 6, 5 and 5. The only time I insist they wear what I choose is to school and for weddings.
the rest is generally a primark free for all! Can’t stand things like sonic T-shirts, but the boys love them so I buy them

For us it depends on the situation.

This weekend DS wanted to wear a football kit to his football presentation (good logic) but they had been all told they had to wear smart casual. I enforced the smart casual chino shorts and polo shirt even after a tantrum.

Most of the time outside of school and events that ask for specific dress codes, I let the kids chose. DD3 has some odd combinations that she just loves.

We've encouraged our DS to choose his own clothes since he was about 2yo. As long as he's wearing something that's clean, suitable size and seasonally appropriate, we don't mind.

As the parent I think that if I am paying for the clothes then I am entitled to refuse to spend money on something I really hate. But if a load of clothes arrive from my relatives (cousins a bit older than my kids) and the kid just adores a garment then I don't refuse to let them have it. Even primary school uniform was a bit flexible. I preferred white polo shirts as easier to launder. My son preferred the red version, second hand. I was prepared to live with that.

I think a bit of both. It is important they wear what they're told sometimes, eg for practical reasons or special occasions, but equally no harm letting them choose sometimes either.

Within reason.

I have a 16yo ds. I draw the line at him going out in sweatshirts with last night's pasta sauce on. Or the joggers that he slept in. 🙄

I do my best to find clothes he likes but finding stuff is near impossible because he has a 26" waist and 32" inside leg. Not made easier because he says things with polyester in are too sweaty.

He has to wear chinos and collared cotton shirts for school which involve a certain amount of negotiation.

'Seasonably appropriate' what you've never ran after your kid waving a coat Tim prove you have infact tried several times to get them to wear it when it's -2?

Or let them wear shorts and wellies in 23 degree heat? M

No just me?!

My daughter has never asked for anything outlandish, so I do go with things regardless of my thoughts towards it - hence her owning a pair of crocs!

I do advise when she puts an outfit on that doesn’t ‘work’ though - just a gentle ‘that doesn’t really go together, how about this top with those bottoms or if you want the top try these bottoms’

Not just you. My ds used to shed clothes on the way to nursery so if I got him there still fully dressed, I was doing well.

My son has quite a lot of handmedowns from friends so he didn’t choose them. If he hates something he doesn’t have to wear it though. They’ve been choosing their own clothes and outfits for quite a while now - maybe around 3? We don’t have many events that require something specific but every now and again there’s something and I push for them to be appropriately dressed - with lots of flexibility. My daughter is autistic and has a lot of sensory challenges so tends to wear the same exact thing for a long time anyway.

I have a 4 year old in preschool and I'd say among his friends it's about 50:50 whether they let their parents dress them in whatever, or whether they have very very specific ideas about what they will or won't wear. Mine is the second kind.

I still choose almost all Ds clothing, he’s also 5. I mean I will try and pick things he might like sometimes ie Spider-Man socks, but generally I buy what I like, and he happily wears. He doesn’t like jeans or cords or any ‘hard’ trousers as says they are uncomfortable so I always buy soft baggy leggings or other comfy trousers.

He might pick outfit out for the day, but I will
still guide him if it’s the wrong clothes for weather or where we are going. Pretty much all his clothing works fine mix and matched as I buy similar style so that’s not much that will look awful together

My DDs were allowed to wear what they wanted ... one lived in frilly dresses, the other in a football kit. I did ask them to be smartish for weddings/christenings etc. But other than that, crack on.

I did get some comments from some family members about 'allowing' DD to wear a football kit.

Your approach is same as mine.
I buy styles i know she finds comfy /prefers

I do have a rule about indoor and outdoor clothing (no PJs or fluffy onesies outside the house..but that's it.

Dd is 3 so I let her wear whatever kind of crazy she likes - we normally get a lot of compliments!

I only buy comfy and age-appropiate clothing: from there, they choose themselves, based on the day (weather, activities, etc). I buy everything online and try to pick colors that they like. They seem happy in the sense that in our house this is a non-issue. When they request some specific item, or declare their preferences, I comply when I can.
Extensive family buy them clothing as they like.

My only limits are: 1) they must be able to move freely and comfortably in the garment; 2) it must be age-appropiate (euphemism for not sexualising); and 3) it must be weather appropiate (although this is more flexible).

Within reason, I've always let my children choose their own. Obviously, when they're especially young I had to point out that perhaps shorts and a t-shirt would not work once they left the house or similar. And definitely I've made gentle interventions into some of DD's combination choices. Also, of course, there are time when they hvae to wear clothes that are appropriate efor whatever the activity is but that usually still allows choice within that. And I have some rules around what is overall appropriate - so DD isn't allowed to wear things like tiny sports shorts for anything except actual physical activities.

I have known a few parents who are very controlling of their children's clothing. And quite honestly I'v enever understood it. They're also the parents who tend to be controlling in a bunch of other ways. The reality is that if you spot it early, just know these aren't going to be your "mum tribe" and move on.

When my daughter was about 5 she developed very strong ideas about what she wanted to wear. I didn’t always like the outfits that she chose, but it didn’t feel like something I should argue with her about! I liked the fact that she had her own style!

I agree, very much a pick your battles situation.
As long as the outfit is weather appropriate, I don't worry about what my daughter chooses to wear. She's 3 so I just make sure the options available to her to choose from are suitable and fit properly etc and then don't worry about what a clashing mess she chooses!
I don't need my kids to listen to me about every aspect of their lives, they deserve some independence where its reasonable for them to have it, then I can focus my energy on the things they do need to listen to me about.

I'm all for kids picking their own outfits but they need to be seasonally appropriate.

My youngest is 7 and I still lay out his clothes in the morning because it saves time but he's fine with that, sometimes he'll swap for a different t-shirt but usually he just puts them on. For special occasions I help him choose what to wear out of his more formal clothes like giving him a choice of shirts and bow ties.

My oldest has picked her own clothes for years but I look out for things I think she'll like and send her a picture (rather than just buy it and risk her not liking it)

To be honest it totally depends on both the child and the parent too. What works for you might not for others for whatever reason.
I do like the pick your battles advice, but maybe some people feel safer or it makes them feel like the relationship is stronger.
Edit fwiw my son picks his own stuff since he was about 3 or 4, although it's school uniform most of the time nowadays

I buy clothes I feel are appropriate. Depends on how much time we have. If we are short of time I will put out a couple of options and usually she will pick an outfit out of all of the options. We started this when she was in nursery at 2.5 ish she's now 5
She often does pick weather appropriate clothes. I just roll with it, if we go out I'll take spare clothes that are weather appropriate - cardigan and leggings if she's not wearing warm enough clothes or a t shirt if she's picked a jumper.
We have photos of her wearing shorts and a Christmas jumper in April it was neither short not Christmas jumper weather but she was fine and at some point she swapped to more appropriate clothes. Most of the time though she does a good job of picking clothes and has a good eye for style and colours

I pick my son's clothes. He's nearly 5. He honestly couldn't care less what he wears. He decides whether he wants a jumper or socks around the house but thats about it!

I left my 2 year old to choose his own clothes the other day and he came out wearing a swim nappy, one sock and a pair of upside down sunglasses (his sister’s). Where are these unicorn toddlers to at dutifully choose a seasonally appropriate outfit?

@caspianberg this is how my almost 5 year old son and I operate too!