Wishing time away

[StanleyR38]

DD is 7 months and for the past 6.5 months of her life I have always been eagerly waiting on the ‘next stage’ in the hope whatever we’re dealing with at the minute will have passed and things will get that bit easier so can actually enjoy our days together. It seems we’ve always had an obstruction or problem we’ve needed to address or deal with so never have totally gotten to the point of enjoying it, but think I’m realising this is just life with children, it will be hard just a different kind of hard at each age.

However saying that, now at 7 months it just feels mega mega hard - easy to say when I’m in the midst but sure the months before this wasn’t this hard. I was just saying to DP that 7 months just seems to be a catalyst of issues and hoping this is the peak worse bit we’ll deal with?! At the minute I feel run off my feet as so much change is going off developmentally so we now have:
-DD will now only nap being driven around in the car and seems to be dropping down to 2 from 3 naps
-is weaning but isn’t taking enough in to drop or reduce milk feeds
-won’t take milk in a bottle/cup
-trying to fit milk feeds, weaning and naps into the day
-is having teething rumblings so is a bit miserable
-on the 29/30 week ‘red stage’ on the wonder weeks app I.e. a fussy/clingy stage so wants boob constantly

Someone put my mind at ease and say it does get a bit less hard?! Dealing with multiple changes at once is just knackering and seem to barely get a minute to myself to try and take stock - feels like I’m treading water and reacting all the time so never getting on top of housework, life etc etc

It absolutely does get less hard in lots of ways. Some people enjoy the physical demands and constant attention demands of babies - I absolutely didn’t. Some people find the emotional and mental demands of older children hard- I find this much easier. But hands down, a tiny reliant person who cannot tell you what they want and needs constant supervision and attention is really hard work!

I think babies just don't stand still, so you don't get long to get used to any stage before they move on.
No one really enjoys it all! But you have special moments.
Take lots of photos as reminiscing is powerful and manages to obscure the boredom and tiredness.
Love your baby and try to find the good bits 😁😁

I loved my kid the whole way through - but started enjoying it a lot more from three onwards as their comprehension and ability to play grew. Different people enjoy different stages, it's ok to love them but not love the baby stage.

Tbh, I have a lot of sympathy with how frustrating it must be to be a baby, but sometimes it's no picnic being their caregiver either!

My daughter is 13 months old now and I would say the most accurate way I could describe it is that it doesn’t get harder or easier (up to now) it’s just different, and you learn your own ways to deal with it.

Some things were a lot easier when my daughter was 7 months old- less food to figure out, less snack demands, she wasn’t crawling or walking so at least I could put her down and trust she wasn’t going to hurt herself while I turned my back for 5 seconds, she was sleeping more so a bit more peace in the day, she was teething but only really 2 teeth which in hindsight wasn’t so bad, and she was easier to transport because she could just go in the pram.

Some things are definitely easier now at 13 months for example she eats everything so rather than stressing about bottles/milk I can just pick her up some lunch wherever we go, she’s walking now so she’s able to run around and play which makes her easier to entertain, but there are just new challenges. I can’t turn my back for a single second now😂, she’s still teething and will be for another year or so probably yet, her sleep is really bad now with the regression & she’s at a stage where she can’t walk everywhere but she wants to so the pram can be a battle.

There’s been something lovely about each stage though, even if that is just taking a moment to appreciate the chaos & appreciate that it will come to an end! They won’t be little forever and it’s all just a season, I’m sure the next phase will be another set of swings and roundabouts, and I think all of their childhood is like that. Easier in some ways, harder in others, new battles to face.

It gets massively massively easier with time and getting unbroken sleep back helps.
I think the way you are left feeling about babyhood when it is past makes you want to do it again, so it’s probably a conspiracy of brains and hormones.
Your children are so much more themselves when they get older that it’s hard to regret the passage of time.

It does get easier. Hang in there - the newborn days are so hard.

It does get easier and it's always different.

At risk of sounding annoying, it can help to try to think less and just focus on the immediate task you are doing, and actively look for things to be amazed by - she did this, she ate that, she saw the other. Keep a few notes of what she did and what you did for her - anything you can be positive about could be worthy of note.

On this -is weaning but isn’t taking enough in to drop or reduce milk feeds don't put any pressure on to drop milk feeds, the calories and nutrition are vital.

In my mind I’m looking forward to her sitting unaided so I can put her down to play while I have a breather 😂, similar with crawling, and also weaned off boob so we can get out more. For one reason and another bf on the go is a no no for me, so being able to go out without clock watching will be a dream.

But can also appreciate there will be new issues I never envisioned! But I think getting a bit of free time in the day where I don’t have to attend to her every 5 minutes would be nice as it’s just ll so intense right now and feels like we are back to square one in a lot of things.

Dont get me wrong I love her to bits and watching her change constantly is so fulfilling, it’s just her needs seem to have really ramped up to the point days are relentless- just something I was vastly unprepared for!

It gets easier, although my son has never been one to play while I get on, he's a fomo child. But I integrated him into my tasks wkth a toddler tower at one (he walked at ten months so was safe to use) and I honestly love habing my little shadow now, he's learned so fast and so much from watching and being there.

It's crazy how fast it goes, we will see something of our old routine like an old bottle of aptamil pre-made at the back of a cupboard and it feels like a relic of bygone times, not less than a year ago! They change so much and so does the routine around them, you'll be out and about in no time :)

Not to seem braggy or make you feel bad but my little one is the same age and i've returned to work full time.

Firstly, you might feel better once you have other things going on (work ?) and have a break from the cycle.

Secondly, I didn't find it hard when on mat leave and I still don't now i've returned to work. I have a great husband who helps out alot. Do you have support and do you get time to yourself?

@verycloakanddaggers yeah I still feed her on demand, it’s just maybe 6 weeks ago she was going 3-4 hours between feeds whereas we’re at every 2 ish hours at certain parts of the day. Just not what I expected!

I think I was just very mis informed about weaning or had it in my head that once food starting milk started reducing. When I was pregnant I could barely retain info about birthing options never mind anything else so this one totally escaped me!

I think tiredness and complete exhaustion plays a massive part in how hard it is at any given stage, take the sleep deprivation away and I think we would all live much happier lives 😂
saying that, my youngest is 14 months now and she is EVERYWHERE so I do look back and wish I could put her in the bumbo and be certain I won’t re enter the room and she’s coloured the cat in with the sudocrem 🫣
my oldest is 6 and a half now and he’s just full of questions that even google doesn’t know the answer too, but I’d have loads of 6 year olds they are great fun!

ah so my advice about getting a break probably won't work. I formula fed and didn't have any of these challenges. You won't be bf'ing forever OP, it'll get better.

I feel that now with my 11 week old. It gets better for a few days then the next hurdle. Currently its gut issues. Constipation that I have to give a laxative for and the side effects is diarrhoea and stomach ache. He’s been screaming all day. I feel awful for him. DH has him in the other room alone atm so I can breath and I can still hear him screaming. I’m also in a battle of never wanting do this stage ever again but I don’t want him to not have a sibling. I just don’t think I can go through the baby stage again. Sending hugs! Xx

@AliBaliBee1234 i’m back to work next month so will get a bit of a breather, however as she’s ebf and my partner can’t cook it seems like evenings will be quite demanding still. But a lot can change in a matter of weeks I suppose, so just looking for that corner to turn!

Partner does do a lot of tidying, cleaning, dishwasher, bins etc so keeps things ticking along in the background.

No wonder you are suffering burn out. I often leave feeding to my husband to get on with things which gives me a little break.

Being back to work will give you that time and might make a big difference to you.

A good few days then a new hurdle seems to be the way we’ve gone - it’s tough as you think you are getting somewhere for something else to pop up.

On another note have you tried an osteopath for his stomach. DD was born by c section, constantly crying over gas issues. Saw osteopath mentioned on here that it could be an option to try and it worked wonders, screaming stopped. DD had tension in stomach and diaphragm as a result of being born ‘too quickly’.

I found toddlers harder than babies ( babies at least stay where you put them ), but with both of mine it got easier around 3 when they could (mostly) actually tell you what they wanted. Although my oldest is now approaching teens and that’s throwing in a few new challenges.

He takes her for hours here and there on a weekend, but as she won’t take a bottle we are restricted. Something we are hoping will resolve itself when she goes to nursery and has no other option.

The working week is harder as his working hours can be a bit sporadic but wfh half the week will mean I can hopefully put lunch breaks to good use

Oh yes it is a very gradual transition and milk still completely vital.

Read up now, might stick in better.

Try to find some positives where you can. Did she do anything cute or new today? If you can't remember today just take time to find something tomorrow.

It's knackering

He surely can cook something? It isn't fair for you to do all of the cooking, especially when back to work and breastfeeding.

I don't think it gets easier, it just keeps getting different.

I'm in the minority saying that on here, most people reassure that it gets easier after 6 weeks, or maybe a few months, definitely by a year. It's nice to be reassuring, but I feel that it lets down the many mums who don't feel that it gets easier, and that they were fed a lie to get them through whatever time it was.

Maybe it does gets easier eventually if you have very straightforward kids. I don't, so wouldn't know. The thing is, a surprisingly large number of kids fall into the non straightforward category. So for those whose kids start to sleep at a 'normal' age, who makes friends well, behave well, do well at a school that they are eager to go to, I imagine it does get easier.

For many sleep is still dire in toddlerhood/preschool years, and the incredibly demanding nature of toddlers means that for many it's the most demanding time. Being honest, it made looking after a newborn like looking after a houseplant in comparison. Both of my children slept worse at 12 months than 12 days or 12 weeks.

I thought it would get easier, at school age, and it does have plusses now at 6&8. Their independence has increased (not as much as usual though due to disability and Sen). They now can play for half an hour, maybe an hour independently. All good. But their issues are harder to resolve. It's not simple needs any more. It's battling schools to get support, it's reassuring my child about their future. It's sitting there whilst they sob about a friendship issue. It's dealing with bullying for disability and being different. And they still don't sleep well, only this time they can follow you around getting upset...

For kids without those sorts of issues you can skip a lot of that, and maybe babyhood is the hardest it gets, and they are very lucky.

I mean, things are different. They are no longer only napping for precisely 37 minutes. They no longer poo the second we leave the house then demand milk. We no longer make drives longer so they stay asleep. But as those challenges went, they were replaced.

I think what changes is we get used to life being really hard, having no time to ourselves etc, so it doesn't feel like such a sacrifice any more.

@StanleyR38he was born by c section too..how old was your little one when you took her to see an osteopath?

6 weeks.

I think the constant crying started at
3/4 weeks and I couldn’t accept it was one of those things due to the intensity, so was researching everything.

Within 2 minutes of the osteopath hovering his hands over her head - bit of a weird thing to grasp as it looked like he was doing nothing - she zonked out and look like she was in pure ecstasy. Cost me £80-90 I think for the two sessions and was prepared for it not to work but was pleasantly surprised.

I mean this kindly, but how on earth are you getting out anywhere with a breastfed baby if you don’t feed on the go?! Milk feeds often increase as they get older as everything’s new and they’re comfort-seeking – not to scare you but just so you’re aware. I fed my first through toddlerhood and sometimes it was like feeding a newborn.

Feeding aside, it does get easier / more interesting. I’m not a big baby person and really find the first year something to endure before the good part! Once their little personalities come through it can be magic. I hope things get better for you soon.