Nursery for 5 days - fellow full-time mums, please tell me it's ok?

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Hi ladies. Did anyone else move to 5 days full time when their child was age 3 or younger and put them in childcare full time? I'm feeling awfully guilty about it. I got made redundant in January and just got a job offer, but it's definitely 5 days (I tried less, they said no). He likes nursery, and he's an extrovert. He's 3.5. But I loved my Mondays off with him, and giving them up makes me feel guilty, like I'm quitting him.
Any tips for ensuring you get as much quality time as possible? These are formative years after all. Will I be failing him by putting him in nursery/ childminder for a full week?

(I tried to secure a 4-day job but I am senior and most places are flatly saying no now)

Drowning in mum guilt

We put our ds into nursery 4 days a week. He liked it so much he kept just asking to go in on the 5th day so eventually we relented. He just loved the social side from 3+ and they did tons of messy play and parachute games, huge outside forest area etc. It was hard for DH (who was looking after him on his day off) to compete with all that.

We did 4 with our youngest and long hours too (7-5:30). She loved her nursery though and never had problems. She had tonnes of friends, brilliant relationships with her key workers and activities galore. We always made sure we did special things on our days off together. She’s totally good now (in school) and we’re besties. I know you’ll get plenty of comments about baby / toddler needing their parent etc but I can assure you my child was always happy and has no attachment issues.

My older DD has been in the nursery full time since she was 11 months. She will be 5 in September. She is term time only now as I am on maternity leave (still 5 days a week though).
She loves it, she is thriving and is super confident and has loads of friends.
My younger one will be going full time as well, when she is 11 months.

We make sure we do a lot together at the weekends and in holidays, but really after initial guilt, i know i would not be able to provide as much entertainment as they for her.

DD1 went 5 days a week from around 18months old. We made sure that we really prioritised family time on a weekend - so tried not to fill them up with loads of playdates and things, as we thought she got that social time in the week at nursery. She has never resisted going to nursery, comes home messy and exhausted which i assume is a sign of a fun day.

YANBU

working in childcare I see lots of 3 year olds who are in childcare 5 days a week.

Its our job to care for these children, and we do, and they all seem to be happy and thriving.

So long as you trust the place and the people you are leaving them with, your child will be fine.

Dont forget you can use parental leave, which is unpaid, but means you can spend extra "quality time" with your child. Perhaps book a week or 2 of that in, if you are not allowed to work a 4 day week, in addition to your annual leave that you can also use to do the "fun things" with your child.

Congratulations on your new job

YANBU. But would your partner, if you have one, be willing/able to drop a day maybe?

But I don’t think it’s an issue. I know lots of friends with children in nursery full time, and DH and I both work full time and it’s only because my in laws do some childcare that our DDs weren’t/aren’t there 5 days a week.

Both of my children went 5 days a week from the age of 12 months and have lived to tell the tale. It wasn’t ideal, but part time jobs in my line of work don’t exist.

Yes, it’s fine. He’ll be in school full time in another year and lots of babies are in nursery FT at 9 months. Having a few days off a week is nice, but it’s definitely a luxury for lots of families. It’s also so much easier at this age than when they’re in school, so I’d make the most of it. Once they’re in school full day options become a lot more limited and there is a lot more stuff that happens in the middle of the day, or at like 4pm, so harder if you are a working parent. I’d make the most of banking that time now, so you can request more flexibility later on.

Mine were all much younger than 3 when they started full time. He'll be absolutely fine.

I honestly don't think 4 to 5 days will make any difference to him.

As per PP, really not long at all til he'd be 5 days pw at school. I was desperately sad to lose my day at home with DC, but yours has had you for all this bonus time from when many others are FT so much earlier. There are advantages to the whole family of you being in the right role. Maybe use any extra salary to buy in help so the weekends are clear for special time rather than jobs.

Use annual leave to book off Mondays for a while? He will be in school soon.

Thank you all so much. Yes I could use holidays and parental leave - I forgot about that. My DH is going to take a pay cut to work 9 day fortnight soon so he can have him Mondays. So we will do probably 2x extra days per month of nursery.
I drive him to swimming every Saturday so that’s our special time too.
Yeah, the school thing is on my mind too. If primary closes at 3:30pm literally what do parents do? I wonder if I should keep my powder dry for any flexible working requests for school age.

Get a cleaner and somebody to do your ironing. You will then have weekends to dedicate to your child instead of chasing your tail.

DD went full time from 18 months, she’s now 9 and doesn’t seem to have had any ill effects. She is still close friends with some of her nursery cohort which is lovely. As per PP we made sure weekends were (and still are) family time and when she was younger we probably spent more time on bedtime than we should have.
Going to school is a big change, DD coped well as she was already used to a 5 day week. Others struggled for the first term as they weren’t.
We continued to use the same childcare as wrap around for school, did some reshuffling of hours etc to keep long days to a minimum, then COVID swept in and completely disrupted her Reception year and Yr 1!
My advice FWIW - try to focus less on what you ‘should’ be doing and focus on whether DC is happy. If my DD had been unhappy we’d have changed things but she loved nursery and wrap around (still does!) and asks to go every day.

Thank you @Ineedanewsofa i feel like mum guilt envelops me. And it’s faulty thinking. I dedicated a year to raising him full time as a baby, then worked four days from age 1-3. It’s me and DH that taught colours, counting, to love cuddles and bedtime stories. I know rationally he will be okay. It’s comparison! So many middle class mums in my neighbourhood seem to have landed these cushy career jobs but on 3 days.

My son was in nursery full time, long days (8-6), from 6 months old. He is now a sociable, articulate and loving boy of 4. No regrets at all.

If you’d have said 1 or 2 I’d probably say it’s too much but at 3.5 they need a lot of stimulus and activity and nurseries are great for that. It’s not ideal but needs must.

My daughter was in 5 days a week from 12-16 months. She was in 2 days a week from 9 months and she was actually more settled and comfortable with being at nursery when she moved up the full time. I dropped down to 4 days at 16 months but this was for my benefit not hers. I had severe pnd found I couldn't manage full time anymore, she would have stayed full time otherwise. She did 4 8.30-6 or 7.45-5.30 days depending on whether I was at home or in the office until she started school this September and loved it!

I had no mat leave so had to put my baby in full time at 3 months and only job I could get was over an hour commute
it was hard for me but he is the cuddliest and happiest kid
give yourself a break you are doing what you have to do

Both of mine were in full time from 12 months old because needs must. They are fine. Absolutely thriving and no attachment issues. Nursery was just around the corner so they did 8:50-5:10 5 days a week. You are correct that school is more difficult to organise. You use wraparound care and holiday clubs but it's not quite as simple as a private nursery that's open year round 7am-6pm.

4 days from 1 and 5 from age 3. Sucked but I was offered a promotion and it’s given us a better life. In the beginning I felt I barely saw him as quick dinner and bed. But we made the most of weekends.
he’s 6 now and a really confident, outgoing little boy who’s my bestie. He’s not been affected adversely at all

My daughter has been at nursery 5 days since she was a year old. (And 4 days from 6 months). Do you know about your entitlement to unpaid parental leave? I'm attempting to use that this year to cover for nursery holidays so I can use my holiday entitlement to effectively go part time. www.gov.uk/parental-leave

We used nursery 5 days a week when we had to. What we did after school- childminder did the school pick up and after school care, we also used before and after school club wraparound care when she was away.
(In the school hols a combo of annual leave, holiday clubs, childminder and family.)
Once one child was at school, we swapped from nursery to childminder so that school was covered for the older one.
Kids have turned out fine, and made friends in all settings, don't worry.

Have only read OPs posts.

It will be fine. You are doing what is best for your family by working. And if after a settling in period (give it at least 6 months, preferably a year) and if it's not working out you can look for a different job.

I got a brilliant (expensive) childminder for school. It is really only a few expensive tears. My DCs are fine (late 20s)