Struggling with 18M old

[SophNx]

I’ve struggled with my little girl since she was born. She was never settled and constantly crying. I Definitely think she had some discomfort with her milk at the time which didn’t help. I went back to work when she was 9 months for three days a week and that definitely saved me mentally as she was always such hardwork. I’ve always said to myself get to 18M and hopefully she will be better and I’ve just survived since then.

Anyway fast forward to 18 months I’m finding it difficult again, I have always struggled as I said but something feels like im back at that 2 month mark again but this time chasing a feral toddler and i feel like mentally and physically it’s draining. I mean she’s a typical toddler in some ways but she just cries and whinges 85% of the day! I feel like she’s so much worse for me too. When I try explain to my mum or MIL, I get “she’s been great” or “she’s such a hood girl” I honestly don’t think it’s the same child me and my husband get at the weekend. She’s cries in the car and cries if I walk into another room. She just cries in general at anything I think out of Boredom possibly? It’s like nothing fulfils her and on top of the new tantrum hitting phase Im exhausted.

Any help or advice? Please someone tell me it gets easier and when!

I think we probably need the picture fleshed out a little bit to narrow down the advice.

Is she walking?
Is she talking at all?
Is she eating well/ sleeping well?
What is her routine and what do you do with her on the days you are together?
What does she enjoy?

I find 1-2yo really rough, they are so frustrated, always wanting to be able to do something that's just beyond their capability, and as soon as they learn that thing, it's on to something else. They also understand so much, but have limited communication. I do find it gets easier once they can start speaking better.

You’re not alone! DS is 19 months now and I think PP is right, a lot of it is frustration at not being able to communicate. I’ve found he’s begun to lightly test boundaries by saying ‘no’ a lot, but sticking to a routine has really helped.

I work 3 days a week but on my ‘solo’ days with him; I just try to stay as busy as possible. A typical day involves us out the house by 8am with a packed lunch( park, swimming, soft play, farm), then home for a nap.

As soon as he’s up it’s a quick snack and straight back out running errands etc or in the garden. Its exhausting but far less so than keeping him entertained at home. I also like to get activities prepped the night before so I’ve got constant things to grab (water, paint, play-doh etc) for him to entertain himself while I get bits done.

He also responds well to ‘helping’ with whatever I’m doing 🙄 I try to imagine how he must be feeling when he’s having a meltdown over not being allowed to play with my straighteners … it’s so hard when you’re in the midst of it though. Do you get much chance to relax and unwind in the evenings at least? I also think when she’s napping- use the time to do sweet nothing and chill- housework can wait!

@NothinglikeaNocellara Yes she’s walking basically running! She’s talking and learning new words daily. Says “hi mumma” and hi daddy together. She doesn’t eat well she’s fussy but will eats things like bread, crisp, fish, fruit. our daily routine is normally

7 - wake up
7.30/8 - breakfast
9 to11 - out somewhere such as park, shopping or soft play or at nursery (she goes two mornings)
11:30/12 - dinner
1.00/1:30 - naps for anywhere between 1 to 2 hrs but no more than two hours.
Once she’s up we normally play at home the afternoon.
5:00 - tea
7;00 - bed

I really am hoping she starts getting better soon. I feel like it’s never going to end the constant whinging. I do love her it just gets you down.

It’s a hard age, it does start to get better when they’re out of toddler stage around 3-4 years. I have an 18 month old and a 4 year old.

Am still suffering with my feral toddler he's 3. Every where I take am running after him am exhausted he won't hold my hand does not listen to me

My 15 month old is the exact same 😫he’s always been a difficult baby tbh and hard work . He cry’s about everything wingey all day long . He’s such a Velcro baby . He crys if I walk out the room , wash up anything really . He’s is worse for me but when someone else is in the houses he’s better but it’s always just us two all day long . It’s exhausting and draining

@Tiegs how hard is it! I keep thinking to myself surely other peoples experience isn’t like this because how on earth do people have more. Sorry to hear your also having it tough. It’s horrible to say but I don’t look forward to any day with her because I know it’s filled with crying and moaning x

Yeah I’m the same I totally get it . It’s gets to the point at the minute where I’m not enjoying being a mummy yes I absolutely love him but it’s just draining and makes me so down .i feel bad for saying this too . But it’s always just me and him every day . I don’t want anymore because he has always been so difficult x

Do you notice a trigger or a time of day when she is particularly moany?

What engages her?

There is nothing like constant whinging to drive you slowly mad.

With my whinger I would also get out the house a lot and on days when we couldn't I would make sure I set up some kind of activity for her to get straight in to either first thing in the morning or after her nap. Nothing fancy, usually something messy.

I've got a other child now and it's so much easier now that have each other to play with, and I'm also much better at tuning them out 🙃

Yes!! I completely feel that way too your not alone. I think I come on here to make myself feel like I’m going insane. I’m hoping it gets easier it must. X

Thanks for the advice. I do try and get out with her as much as possible because like you say it’s easier and keeps her entrained! I can’t go far mind you. She cries in the car after 10 mins 😓

I do get chance to unwind after 8pm which is a god sense or else I would be going even more insane.

Thank you for the advice it’s appreciated x

The car crying is the worst, I’ve had to pull over and gather myself so many times 🤯 we have a special teddy/comforter that stays in the car, he talks away quite happily to it.. but it took another week of crying for him to get the point 😂 and The Wiggles playlist on repeat …

Not really she’s ok for the first hour after waking! Then it’s just on and off moaning and crying till 7pm. She loves music and songs we spend a hour or two with Alexa and dancing. She’s bored of all toys within two minutes.

Thanks for the advice. Maybe I need to start getting more creative because this whinging is driving me mad

I have a 22 month old and have been experiencing the same thing for the past 6 months and have been wondering how people decide to have another baby when going through this stage. My daughter is constantly winging if it's just me and DH at home she needs to be entertained constantly and I'm drained.

The routine sounds good except I think you need to get her out the house in the afternoon. We always went out somewhere in the morning like swimming, toddler group, but would have an afternoon outing too. I don’t know how you can keep her entertained between 3pm-7pm.

My DD was like this. Is your daughter OK at nursery? Looking back I don't think I realised how much attention she needed. She never played independently. If she is happier at nursery could you increase her hour? If not, try giving her all your attention for a while, no housework or mobile phone and just sit with her, prepare food before she gets up etc. She got much better when she went to school.

@AmusedGoose yes she’s fine at nursery they say. she goes nursery two mornings, unfortunately I can’t increase at the moment due to them being full because I was considering this. From September she will be going two morning and one full day though!

I think her getting attention is 50% of the reason she cries. It’s just so hard to give constantly but thanks for the suggestions. When she naps I’m so done with the day I just sit there in silence to prepare myself for her getting up and starting again. Maybe I need to start being more organised

Yes I was thinking this maybe I need to start doing something else. From 3-7 she does go in the garden I couldn’t keep her just in the house but it is difficult

I would flip it, stay home in the morning as you say she is in a good mood when she wakes up, maybe you can build on that with an activity that leads to independent play/ in the garden.

And then get out in the afternoon when everyone's a little more tetchy.

My daughter is like this. It's due to her silent reflux and food allergies. They make her very unsettled and hard to keep occupied. She hasn't outgrown them age 4

How do you know it’s her relfux and food allergies? I don’t think this is the case for my daughter only because she seems fine when she’s with grandparents

Lots of food and symptoms diaries! We could also hear her refluxing at night - bringing up her feed then swallowing it again on repeat all night. She was worse for us than nursery or at least as much as we were informed. She was harder to keep occupied but I think the nursery environment was much more engaging which helped. Another thing we have noticed is she's more willing to show us she's unsettled/ unwell than others. This has become more obvious with age, she's now 4 but it probably started earlier. She's a covid baby so not many other people held her for the first 18 months so can't comment on earlier than that. She was first diagnosed with silent reflux and allergies at 4.5 months

Ah my son was just as you describe! Whingy, tantrums, desperate for constant attention and interaction, couldn’t focus on anything for more than a few minutes before he got angry and started crying again. Once mobile he used to run off and would NOT hold my hand so that was fun! I was permanently on the edge and my nerves were shot to pieces.

I used to get out of the house as much as humanely possible. To the park, to feed the ducks, soft play - literally anything because time used to pass more quickly out of the house plus he was generally more content although always on the verge of another meltdown!

He was also worse for me than others, i think this is fairly normal because they feel so secure and content with you they can really let rip.

I do remember my MIL being very puzzled by all of this and telling me that surely I could give him a piece of string or the peg basket to play with which should surely keep him entertained for at least an hour 😆
……….you can imagine how that went down.

anyway, i’m afraid to say mine was bloody hard work until he turned 4 and then things became easier. The pre school years were not kind!

we also only had one child because I couldn’t face going through all that again.

The problem is, they’re so unreasonable at that age which is understandable but at the same time it’s just maddening when you just want them to comply or be calm.

we also used a fair bit of ceebeebies or Peppa pig at that age which he absolutely loved. Don’t be afraid to use screen time to save your sanity!

Thanks for your reply. It’s so difficult because I think my MIL thinks I’m unfit when I constantly say how hard work she is. She looks at me as if I’m going mad. I can imagine what your response was to that comment.

Oh my goodness Four!!! I honestly don’t think I can last till then, even though I know I have no choice but how on earth did you manage. I do think half my time is spent trying to parent the right way I.e scared of giving too many snacks, constantly trying to get her enough sleep or too much tv etc, maybe I need to ease off to help myself .

Definitely do whatever you need to ease the intense burden on yourself.

im sorry that i said mine was hard work until 4! He definitely wasn’t crying and carrying on like he was at 18 months but he was generally high maintenance. Or perhaps I was just burnt out by that point. Probably both!