Can I fight a court order?

[Mama1026]

Hi all, I’ve been given a court order for my child to see the father every other weekend for 4 hours. We are an hour away and it’s a very long time for me to keep my other children occupied for that long. He lives in the same time but refused to go to the one in our town as it’s for 2 hours not 4.
is there anything I can do?????? I’m not stopping the relationship but this is very excessive for me as I work and have other children to think of where as he is not co promising - there is no chance of 3rd parties as he is not allowed near my home

Why would you want to fight it when they courts have decided that this child needs that time with their father?

Only a couple of months. It’s been on going now for around 2 years

I've had a simialr situation here sadly, being made to travel for supervised contact so underatand your situation.

I think you will have to try the proposed contact for a while in order to try and prove it's detrimental for the child or not consistant from the father. I'm not sure the courts will take into account other children sadly.

Has he done the supervised contact before OP? He may well do a few of the sessions and realise that spending four hours in a contact centre, trying to entertain his child, whilst being observed is too much for him. He may start missing sessions, get fed up with the travel himself, or just find it all too much hassle to maintain. Ditto if he is having to pay for the centre and travel.

I would imagine, as he is abusive, his choice of contact centre may well be more of one control against you as opposed to desperation to see his child for longer.

It's a long game sadly.

People seem to be struggling with comprehension on here. Op isn't complaining about the amount of contact she is complaining that ex has put her in a very difficult position by insisting on using a contact center which is an hour away from the town in which they both live.

It does seem crazy. I agree with pp suggestion above about trying two, two hour slots instead. Are there really no alternative centers that are closer or at least in a more convenient location with other stuff you can do?

Do you have anyone who could take dc on your behalf occasionally to reduce the work load? Is there anything in the location that you could make a regular visit to during contact? A zoo, theme park etc so that you can buy a season ticket to take other child.

I'm shocked that one child has been abused, but the courts have allowed contact with the other?! Surely if he is abusive towards children he's a risk to them all!

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this op, it sounds so hard. How old is the child that has the contact? Do they want contact or would they want it stopped once old enough to decide?

If there is no precise wording in the order stating who is responsible for facilitating contact, then you do not have to agree with his choice of location. You have to make the children ‘available’ for contact but the location appears to be left to agreement between the parties which is not ideal.

Of course you could go back to court but it will cost you and not likely change the outcome

How old are your DC?

How old are the children concerned? Can some not be left with friends occasionally?

You can apply to court for a variation of the current court order and ask for it to be done at the contact centre in the same town (the one that offers 2 hours) and ask that rather than 4 hours every other weekend, it's 2 hours every week (so it's same amount of time but more spread out and more do able for everyone and is the most reasonable solution).

I understand Dad not wanting to agree to having the very limited time he gets to spend with his child halved to make things easier for you (most parents wouldn't agree to that) but this might be a solution that he's agreeable to.

The only problem with this is that the court would take a dim view on a new application being made only a couple of months after proceedings concluded.

I think OP has to suck it up tbh and look for other solutions. Which could include someone else taking child, at least for one of the journeys, and OP just doing the pick up, finding someone else to look after the older child, assuming they’re not old enough to be in their own for a two hour stretch, or find an activity for you and older child to do - lunch, swimming and a bit of shopping could easily take four hours and be a pleasant way of passing the time.

Thank you sooooo much for your comprehension!!!!! Honestly! I’m not asking a lot just for advice on how to deal with it where everyone’s needs are met! And where he won’t have the police at my door because he will lol!

I think you won't have much chance of changing it, sorry.
You might just have to plan around it. Use the time to do a grocery shop, take the other kids for a walk, to a play centre, a movie, picnic, spend some quality time with them. How old are they all?
Sorry you are going through this. I had in an abusive relationship too, and dealt with post separation abuse for many years. People don't understand how difficult it is unless they have been through it.
Stay strong, you can do it

I assume your other child aged out and that's why they don't have to see him anymore? We had a similar situation.
Family court is a cruel place. In no other situation would victims be forced to cosy up with perpetrators. So unfair on children.

I think that unfortunately you’re going to need to suck it up for a year or so before you can go back to court to vary it.

In your position I’d look for a regular club in the other town for the second child at the same time as the first ones contact - something like a swimming lesson or a coding club or a football academy etc. So that you’re doing the journey for both children.

Yes great advice. Try to make it a lovely day out every other week. It's annoying to be forced to this one location but with summer coming it makes it easier.

Anything within half an hour you could drive to? Good swimming pools, pottery painting, cinema, water sports, museums, parks and playgrounds, stately homes, relatives houses. If it's over the weekend then there are often fairs and festivals you could research.

Is there anything that your other children are particularly interested in that you could do with them while other child is gone?

It could be an opportunity to make some lovely memories and transform the stress and resentment of having to go into something more positive.

Id take the order to a family lawyer and get their advice on what you are required to do. And then chose the option that suited me best. Sounds like the wording of the order is a bit woolly which should work in your favour.

My reading of the thread is that you've been doing this for a year but the case only concluded 2 months ago: did you raise the difficulties with the distance/timings with the Judge prior to the final order being made? If yes, and that is what resulted in the orders/recitals that you've set out regarding as close as possible to 4 hours and alternative venues etc, I'm not sure that a return to court is likely to be beneficial. Do you have friends/family who could assist with the taking the children to contact occassionally? If not, I think your best option for at least the next year is to find something else in the vicinity of the supervised contact centre which can be a regular fixture for the other children - be it a shopping centre, soft play etc, or something like a local karate or ballet class or something to break up the 4 hours a bit.

That is very true. Court expect the parents to give the order a go for a while before making another application to vary the order. I wrote my response when I believed this had been the order for a year, not 2 months. It can't hurt for OP to try speak to her ex about doing 2 hours every weekend instead of 4 hours every other weekend is agreeable to him. He might not in which case OP will have to suck it up for a while longer.

Because a two hour drive is unreasonable?

No they said its because of the abuse received

I assume he's not allowed to travel with the child as he has to be supervised. Does he have a relative you trust who could transport?

FFS…Because the courts always get things right ya? This man is obviously a piece of shit. He’s not allowed come near OP, the elder child has refused to see him due to the abuse suffered and OP and her elder child are having to spend what is essentially a whole day every second weekend facilitating this contact time. I’m sure the older child’s social and recreational interests are suffering as a result. So ya, I’d be looking to fight it too… I’m sure most good mothers would.

I’ll never understand the family court system sometimes. In family court, they almost always offer some form of contact between a child and an abusive parent, even if it needs be supervised.

Yet, if you allow your child to even witness domestic abuse and don’t take steps to remove the perpetrator from the household, social services and the courts will remove the child from the parents care.

Theres no logic to it.

The course may deem is more reasonable than a child not seeing their dad.