Finding it hard to leave the house with six month old

[LivelyGoose]

My six month old has a nap every 2 to 2.5 hours at the moment. Any longer and he's absolutely feral. They aren't at fixed times and I take my lead from him on when he has them. He's huge, heavy, and crawling already. He also takes forever to finish a bottle and has awful reflux so has to be kept upright for half an hour after each feed and has a morning feed schedule that fits around his daily dose of omeprazole. If I don't adhere to this he vomits profusely all over himself and me. All of this, plus keeping the house semi-sorted during nap times makes leaving the house really hard and I get really restless, bored and lonely during the day. What do other people do? I can't wear him because he's absolutely gigantic and weighs a ton. I know some people will say I should just force him to fit in with my schedule, but if I can't feed him and put him down for a nap when he needs me to then he starts to go ballistic.

When he’s due for a nap put him in car or buggy and travel to wherever you want to go. Feed him when you’re there. Use the next nap time to travel back. If you need to hold him upright after feeds this would be less stressful if it was someone’s house/ inside venue where you can sit down. Or group errands together and do them in one journey over one of his nap times.

I also have a 6 month old that naps frequently at home in the cot. I just go out for short walks/to a friends house/ cafe etc. and get home for naps! I’ve got him in the sit up buggy now and not the basinet. I also invite people over a lot - much easier being at home and I get adult company! With my older child I did a lot of pram naps, and she slept while I walked, but as she got older it was easier to get home for the long midday nap. It might be easier for me than most as we live close to the centre of nice town, so have cafes, parks, swimming pool, lots of friends in close proximity (I sometimes drive places, but not often).

@Elderflower2016 Thanks, I try to do this but it makes planning anything ahead of time at fixed times with other people hard. I also don't drive so I'm at the mercy of bus schedules.

@OhHellolittleone I don't know who I would invite over as everyone else is at work during the day! I'm finding it hard to stay on top of things around the house as it is too so going out during naps leaves the place in a state.

Do you have a sling? My baby will sleep in the sling and is upright against my chest. With a sling you can be out and about and address your concerns with stops in coffee shops to feed.
Sling libraries are great though I love my tula lite as it folds into a waist bag which I keep under my buggy. I also have a more padded one for when I'm not taking the buggy.

Do you not have friends (I use the term loosely!) from NCT or other antenatal sessions? If you don’t you could try the peanut app - it’s for finding mam friends. Or you could do a really well timed baby class (for example we swim at 11- wake at 10, go to pool, feed at 1030, swim and then home) and meet mams there.

if you know some mams vaguely, just invite them for a coffee, see what they say!

im a second timer, but I’ve made new mam friends all over. I don’t know them very well!

It will get easier as he gets older! He’ll drop to 2 naps by 9 months or so I’d imagine. But get some fresh air, even if it’s 20 mins round the block, or taking the playmat into the garden!

Also - do your jobs when he’s awake. Pop him in the high chair (or wherever works!) and let him watch you do jobs - sing and chat to him as you do it. It might take him time to get used to it, but it’s fine.

@negomi90 Thanks but my baby is just too big for me to wear. He's above the 100th centile for height and weighs over 20lbs. I have an energy limiting chronic condition and I just can't wear him anywhere. He also screams bloody murder if I even try!

@OhHellolittleone I do this sometimes but I don't want him to be a container baby and he can't sit up properly in his highchair yet so we've been advised to limit his time in there.

@OhHellolittleone I don't have nct friends and I tried peanut but found it was a total dead end as noone ever seems to reply or meet in real life.

I know it’s your first baby so you don’t have this consideration, but if you had an older child your baby would just have to fit in with your day, and they all do. So if you would like to go out to classes or to meet friends you will just need to arrange a time and take baby along with you and he naps when out if he wants. If you want to keep him at home for naps then that’s absolutely fine too but you will be restricted and find it hard to get out at this age.

@Overthebow I don't mind him having naps out, but his nap times are the only time I really have to get things done around the house and I also have to consider his feeds and reflux medication. I used to get out with him a lot before his reflux kicked in, but after finding myself out and about covered in sick a few times because I couldn't do what I needed to for his feeds I gave up a bit.

Doesn’t the car seat/pram keep him upright after feeds?

Mine is 7 months and tend to compromise by staying in until after his first nap (which is his longest and gives me time to get stuff done), but then heading out after that. His second nap is often therefore in the car/the pram. If his second nap doesn’t go well we still have the third to make up for it.

Can you do low stakes stuff like little walks, trips to the shops, a baby class or two? Our library does rhyme time which is fun. He also quite likes it if we just go to a cafe and he can look around.

@Overthebow Also we are not having anymore children so I will thankfully never have to do that.

@Capybara6473 I don't drive and car journeys straight after a feed make him throw up unfortunately. I used to take him to bounce and rhyme and baby sensory and all sorts but his naps and feeds just always seem to clash now!

I took mine to classes like those and if they napped or fed during it then so be it. But generally they were engaged in it so delayed napping until after.

Unfortunately if I keep him awake for too long he goes into extreme meltdown and I have to get a hysterical baby home asap 🙃 It's also really hard to keep him relatively still and upright to avoid a vomit explosion if we're at an interactive class. We've had a couple of really unpleasant experiences at baby sensory before and it's really put me off.

What are you doing for house work each day? If he’s crawling can you leave him in a play pen when you get things done?

@WannabeMathematician Dishes, cleaning and sterilising bottles, laundry, hoovering etc, just normal stuff. I'd prefer not to leave him in his playpen alone at such a young age as you aren't really supposed to and he cries if I leave him alone for any real amount of time as he's entered a really clingy stage recently. I know everyone's kneejerk reaction is that I'm an overly anxious first time mum, but I've had a miscarriage and he was a high risk pregnancy, so this is just how I am and I'm not sorry. I've looked after tons of babies in the past, nieces, nephews, cousins, godchildren etc, so I'm well versed in caring for babies and I'm confident in my parenting abilities, I'm just finding this particular stage hard after previously being able to go out with him pretty much whenever when he was young and not having such long naps and violent reflux.

Put him upright in the buggy? Most buggy seats go nearly vertical.

Initially don't worry about trying to meet people at certain times or get on buses. Just walk. Get used to going out to walk in the buggy every day. Soon it will seem normal and easy and you'll be able to 'upgrade' to meeting people/buses.

Secondly if the housework is taking that long you either have a massive house and only wear all your clothes once, or your standards are too high! You have a baby - now is not the time for immaculate floors. At least one of your son's naps you could buggy nap to preserve your own mental health. If the chores are absolutely vital, you can do them in the evening once your son is sleeping. And if you have a partner he can help, bonus! Some people have babies which allow them to do chores during the day, and some have to spend the entire day on childcare and don't get anything done. In this case both the sahp and the breadwinner need to share the chores.

Is it normal stuff? We stopped using everything that couldn’t go in the dishwasher and only hovered once a week when my LO was so young. Anything that couldn’t go in the tumble dryer wasn’t worn either.

I had my LO in Covid so we were all forced to stay in the house like you are and we all went a bit do lally. Tbh I don’t think you are being anxious I just think that you are choosing different things than most people. And that’s ok but the consequence of that is it’s harder.

So I would do about 30 minutes of cleaning across the day in two 15 minute chunks with my LO in the bouncer and moving home around the house with me as I needed. I nearly killed my husband when he took over shared leave and our son started napping on a schedule twice a day for 1.5h!

My partner works 7 til 7 and puts the baby to bed as soon as he gets home from work. I have zero energy for chores by this point as I have an energy limiting chronic condition. My partner spends his evenings studying for exams. We share night feeds and wakes for cuddles etc and he takes the baby overnight at weekends. He really is at capacity and I wouldn't expect him to be doing more than he is. The size of our house has no bearing on laundry, bottles and dishes unfortunately, and anyone with a severely refluxy baby knows how much laundry this results in everyday as everything gets covered in sick. I also need time to shower and eat etc. Honestly I'm regretting posting about this now tbh 🫠

Ahhhhhhhh there is it. The 7-7 thing is what’s different in your house to a lot of people.

Edit to clarify: and it’s unsurprising that you are finding things harder because of it.

Why are you regretting posting? People have been giving you helpful suggestions. It's not our fault they won't work for you, we don't have all the information you do!

Chores aside, the first part of my post stands.

OP says he is huge!