Wanting the best Vs affording it

[Cathy1]

This is a difficult one to explain and I'd love to hear your thoughts. I have 1 DD who is 12 months. I work full time and she is in full time nursery and we are all happy. We earn decent salaries, have a large mortgage and are comfortable enough but money is tight - we are now spending a little more than we earn each month, and there are no real areas that are easy to cutback on. But - my problem is that any childcare or parenting discussions that DH and I have are boiling down to the fact that whatever I would like can't be done cos we can't afford it. For example, I am conscious that I work full time and don't want to spend the weekends cleaning so we had agreed to get a cleaning lady for a few hours but now it seems we can't afford it. Also- when baby no. 2 comes we'll have to take DD out of nursery and get a cheaper childminder and possibly not have her attend playschool/montessori etc (cos of the cost)...which I really want her to do. Also - deep down I think I always thought that after 2 kids I would work part time but I think there is no chance of that now. I'm just dissapointed that all the things I wanted or I feel are best for my kids will be curtailed by cost. I know everyone is in the same boat (mostly)....but I feel that my priorities differ from my DH's here. So many other peoples DH's seem to agree that the childs interests should come first and spend their money on good childcare etc rather than house stuff or holidays etc. I'm rambling but it has helped to put my thoughts down. anyone else any thoughts like this ??

[Rhiannon]

Go on to www.ukparents.com register for free, click on 'our forums' then click on 'noticeboards' and start making some money by selling anything and everything that you don't need anymore. It's good fun and helps clear out the cupboards.

Ukparents is a good way of saving money, by buying second hand clothes and baby items, there are some great bargains to be had. R

[Eulalia]

Definately turn down the heating or turn it off altogether in rooms hardly used. Bedrooms are best only briefly heated before bedtime. Dh and I are always horrified at how hot people keep their homes nowadays and they answer the door wearing only a t-shirt. Whatever happened to putting on a jumper if you felt a bit cold? We actually felt quite ill in some houses while out visitng at Christmas.

My dh goes shopping at Tesco about every 3-4 weeks after work and picks up all the reduced things. We save a fortune on this. Meat, fish, bread, cheese etc all goes in the freezer. The veg always lasts longer than the sell by date. He did a shop last week and came home with a stack of fruit and veg at 10p per item.

I buy all my children's clothes 2nd hand at nearly new sales. I can get a whole wardrobe for around £40 at these sales (I go 3/4 times a year). My mum works at Oxfam and gets first pickings at the good stuff and often gives me designer clothes.

Car boot sales are good and papers such as Scotads (or equivalent to your area) to pick up 2nd hand furniture/household items.

I am feeling v chuffed as I got a pair of boots, shoes and 3 pairs of socks in the sales for £30!

sorry if this is going off the point somewhat....

[EmmaTMG]

Although it's not the perfect time of year for bootsales they are like a wierd addiction for me. My eldest had a growth spurt recently but as it's mid-winter there were no bootsales around. I was horrified at the prices I had to pay. One jumper for instance was £13 which I know isn't a huge amount of money but when I usually only pay 75p op £1 for the same sort of thing I was mortified.
You need to have the patience to hunt around and probably 60% of the stuff people sell isn't worthy for my dogs bed but there are some absolute bargins. I would say about 70% of my boys clothes are from bootsales or cast off's from friend and family all of which are probably no older than year or so, so they're not dressed like 80's throw backs!!
Roll on the spring and more Bootsales

[bayleaf]

Oh absolutely EmmaTMG - I think they are just the BEST thing - I just LOVE the excitement of arriving early and not knowing what amazing bargains you'll be going home with!!! My friends /family have all been moaning over Xmas that dd has so many toys/clothes( from Boot sales) that there's nothing left for them to buy her!
I went to the Mumsnet meet-up in London last month in a Principles cardigan that I bought for 50p from a Bott sale - if it's good enough for Mumsnet then it MUST be OK!

[EmmaTMG]

wait a minute, Bayleaf. If you went to a meeting last month in a principles cardi which was from a bootsale. WHERE ARE THE BOOTSALES YOU GO TO?
I haven't been to one in months and I'm south west London/Surrey.

[Rosy]

Cathy1 - I sympathise with your situation, as when my maternity pay runs out in the autumn, we will also have higher average outgoings than what we have coming in. (I know this because I have a record of all our monthly expenditure). Also, I always assumed I would just give up work when I had children, but instead went back to work for 2.5 years. This is partly because both my sisters gave up work for good when they had children, even though they probably earned twice what I do. I find it especially depressing when my mum tells me how she doesn't approve of me working, but she's got no idea of our cost of living or earnings. Anyway, it seems that your main problem is a difference in attitude between you & your husband, and it's a case of compromising on your different priorities. Personally, I'm happy to not go on a conventional two-week, in the sun, booked months in advance type holiday at all, but spend our holiday with friends & family (and recently NCT houseswaps - don't cost anything, and the accommodation's fantastic). It's only a single sacrifice to make to be quite a bit more comfortable financially IME.

What do you think about other people's suggestions? The one about extending the term of your mortgage could make quite a difference if you have a large mortgage. Also, as other people have said, it doesn't last forever. (BTW, I hope you dh is pulling his weight in the house given that he's decided you can't afford a cleaning lady!)

[bayleaf]

Emma - I'm in the Midlands but ours stopped in November ( well, the one I go to did - there are others that are partially undercover/on hard standing that continue but they're not as good even in the summer - too many 'professional' booters and not enough middle class mums throwing away ELC stuff for tuppence!!!
I got the cardigan at the end of October - and a beautiful sequinned bias cut skirt for 50p in November! Just need somewhere posh to wear it to now!!

[tigermoth]

I love boot sales too - isn't it a pity there are so few on in the winter? If there is an all-year round undercover one near you it might be worth checking it out a few weeks into the new year. I used to pick up great bargains in Feb/March at our local undercover bootsale (Lewisham Shopping Centre,SE London). I used to make a point of going on a rainy morning (early). Relatively few shoppers, so lots of haggling possibilties. I found this held true for shopping at second hand markets too. Speaking as an ex- stallholder, if I was stalling out on a cold drizzly February morning I was willing to sell things at any reasonable price, just to cover my costs.

Back to boot sales - I agree that the very best happen in the spring when, as you say, you get the first of the casual bootsalers, clearing out the toy room and wardrobe.

I don't go to boot sales much now - partly because you have to get there easly for the best bargains but mostly because my 3year old is too active to stay in a pushchair. If he wasn't breaking things, he'd be getting lost. Too much stress.

Bayleaf, I know that 50p feeling so well I have had bought many clothes at that price - my best was a cardigan, also. Cashmere, covered with beading, picked out of a heap of clothes lying on the ground. For 10 years I never bought coats or jackets new - never needed to. Always got lots of nice ones from markets and bootsales at a fraction of the price of a new one.

Do wish I knew of a good bootsale in the SE London area - the Lewisham one has closed. Any recommendations?

[GillW]

I'm so glad to know that my DS isn't the only one who is dressed mostly from car boot sales (topped up by a few ebay purchases).

Funny thing is that one of our neighbours, who always seems to be arriving home with bags proclaiming that she's been buying desgner kidswear again, actually comments on who well he's dressed, when as often as not the whole outfit only cost about £1.

Even better, as they're so cheap I get him more than he strictly speaking needs, so he doesn't really wear any of them to the point that they look worn (half the beauty of buying second hand is that you can already see what lasts well so you don't get the rubbish which quickly falls apart of looks tatty). And as most things are still in great condition when he's finished with them, they can be sold afterwards on ebay or at NCT sales, usually for more than I paid for them in the first place

Like bayleaf, we get most of our toys there too - so as he doesn't really need masses of new ones at Christmas/birthdays he usually gets Premium bonds instead, which at worst aren't going to be worth any less in a few years time than they are now, unlike most toys.

Bayleaf - you sound like a woman after my own heart - perhaps now that Christmas is out of the way we should resurrect the idea of the Midlands meetup?

For other budgeting ideas, we've found that having a decent size freezer, and getting basics from the cheaper outlets like Framfoods (or Aldi/Lidl etc if they're near you) can save a fair amount compared to the cost in the major supermarkets.

Also agree with what's been said earlier about remortgaging (though personally I'd try to avoid extending the term) - and if you haven't done it lately check around for cheaper quotes on house and car insurance. If you're going on holiday, especially if it's more than once a year look at getting annual travel insurance rather than buying it with your holiday - we pay less for an annual policy than we would for a single trip!

[EmmaTMG]

Oh! how we all dream of the bootsale bargains.
Thanks Bayleaf I was beginning to think I missed a local one.

[jac34]

Tigermoth, our ds's went through a stage where we had to give up on the car boots, for a while, but now they realy love it, they rumage through the bargin boxes at the front of the stalls. They do end up with loads of c**p though, but usually only end up spending £1 in the whole day.

[Rhiannon]

I love a bootsale, I'm usually the one with my heasd in a box under the table! R

[Rhiannon]

Sorry, that was 'head'.

[Rhubarb]

I can only reiterate what Eulalia has said. TBH I am always hearing my sisters moan about how they have no money, what debt they are in, etc, etc and yet their kids are still clothed in Next and Gap, they shop at Sainsbury's and spend over £100 on each child at Christmas. My sympathies wane a little for them each year.

Cathy1 I wonder what you mean by "the things I want or feel are best for my kids will be curtailed by cost"? If you love your kids, feed them well and clothe them then what more could they possibly need? It has been proven that expensive toys are no help to their development, they would get better use from a cardboard box, after all, a cardboard box can be so many things to a young imagination, whereas a musical blue bear will always just be a musical blue bear. Have you asked your NCT where they hold their nearly new sales? You can pick up some fantastic bargains at these, if you really want them to have the latest clothes and toys. But my feeling is that a bit of hardship will do them the world of good. I grew up appreciating everything around me, I took nothing for granted. My imagination soared as I had to make my own games up in my head. These kinds of mental riches cannot be bought. So put away all the expensive, battery operated toys and make castles with your cardboard boxes instead - your kids won't love you less because of it!

[SueW]

Oh Rhubarb, absolutely on the cardboard boxes. DD at 6yo loved the toys she had for Xmas and her birthday. Our most used have been Junior Monopoly - good short-ish family game and her pens and pencils.

But she has had the best fun with her boxes, taking packing boxes, plastic and a kitchen roll inner and a roll of sellotape and making a 'make anything' machine, her own invention. She was bitterly disappointed that it wouldn't actually make anything and we had a few tears but she re-named it a cat wash so she could squirt water down the tube at the top (in theory, she didn't actually do this, I hasten to add).

Another fave was the tin of celebrations chocs we got from an aunt which she sorted and labelled/priced up and turned into a shop.

A glass painting set was popular as she was able to make a gift for a grown-up friend by painting a clean Sainsburys passata jar and filling it with celebrations and adding a gold bow.

Finally, we went to a pottery painting session held by an old friend of mine using Bridgeater blanks just before Xmas. Whilst not exactly cheap at £9-ish for a mug, my parents were thrilled with their personalised pressies and my mum has put them on display in her cabinet, saying she would be frightened of chipping them and wants them around for the future. I had forgotten that when I lived in London, I always bought my mum a Harrods Xmas mug as a pressie.

[helenmc]

Suew - help on the rules for junior monoploy...I got lost on the house bits. And I aggre about cardboard boxes...I got an enormous one from work with flaps (about 1.5m x 1.5m x1m) that with my 3 dds were juts about able to get in, and it became a house/boat/kennel etc etc.

[SueW]

helenmc - I'm fortunate that DH and DD worked it out before I had to play it. And DD had already played at a friend's house.

I think we've got is sussed though so let me know if you want a short run through!

[helenmc]

Please please, perhaps I need another good read of the instructions (like most things you read them after you don't know what's happening) ...I know the principal is the same as the BIG version..going round collecting money as rent.