Help and advice for punishment appreciated!!

[Mummy562538]

Hi… I’m completely new to posting on this site, but would really love other people’s input as I’m really torn.
Im a single mum of 3 kids and over the past 6 months my middle child 13F has developed a horrible attitude and generally is so disrespectful. I know with her age it could be hormones etc and incase her hormones are the problem I’ve sort of just brushed it off as she doesn’t meant to be like this.
The past 3 weeks tho have been nothing short of a nightmare. The way she speaks to me is just horrible, if I ask her to do something like tidy her room or put her dinner dishes in the dish washer I get met with “No” I honestly feel like I’m walking on egg shells.
Theres too much to type out, but basically just how she speaks to me every day and treats me is awful. It just seems like she’s zero respect for me. So this is where I need advice….
I’ve taken her phone off her before and she really didn’t care, she’s been grounded and again this didn’t phase her.
She is a competitive gymnast and gymnastics is her life, my next step is to stop gymnastics altogether. Is this going too far with punishment? I’ve threatened to stop it and never followed through as just the threat of it changed her attitude for a few days at the very most. Anyone that has a child in gymnastics will know the cost of fees and competitions and travelling to competitions is extremely expensive. I feel like because I pay all this it’s a waste of so much money if I just stop her going. Plus I’d be setting her training back for competition preparation. On the other hand I feel like if this is the only thing that would maybe make her behaviour change then I need to do it?
Please no judgement here. genuinely just looking for advice. I should also add I’ve spoke to her so many times to ask is anything going on she’s adamant there isn’t, I’ve also checked in with her teachers and coaches and they said she’s perfectly fine in gym and school. Really starting to feel like I’m at the end of my tether with it all.
Thanks in advance ☺️

I would probably negotiate. Set out what jobs she needs to do. Each week or day. Then set a number of times she will be reminded. You will have set out sanctions for being rude or not doing the job. I used to list what I might refuse to do! And carry it out, very occasionally!

I would keep the gymnastics going but can she explain why she's refusing to cooperate? Are your other dc helping? As a family do you pull together at most times with jobs shared out? I do think this is a phase and things will improve and this behaviour is reserved for you. She knows she cannot be like this at school. She's no dad around asking for pleasant behaviour. It's just you so you are an easy target.

Does she know you have spoken to the gymnastics coach? Lots of teens only respond to nuclear options so I might withdraw transport to an individual competition but not ruin the team's chances. Say it and mean it as the last resort.

So behavioural problems? Which is a problem.

But also lets not be ignorant to the fact that children and teens dealing with problems in their personal life might act out in unpredictable ways and aren’t just behaving badly.

Don't stop gymnastics before having a meeting with gym teacher, so that you are on the same page and have a two pronged approach. Explain to gym teacher this is the only thing that she lives for and can we try working through this together.

Just stopping it altogether is drastic but if the gymnastics adult gets on board with you and explains something like 'you need to be better at home, mum is trying her best and this is upsetting her, gymnastics is about discipline and getting things right etc etc' I think then you have a better chance of getting through to her.

Good luck OP, teenagers are not for the faint hearted!