After school food for fussiest reception-aged child please??

[sundaypaper]

My DS has become the fussiest eater (ate everything before he was 2). Won't bore you with too many details but he favours beige food, cold picky plates over hot meals and refuses meat, cheese (except parmesan), eggs and most yoghurts so getting protein into him is tough. I make my own bread and sneak chia seeds in to get protein not him and I try my best. He will eat apples, bananas sometimes. He used to eat carrots cucumber and peppers but has recently been rejecting those. He never eats tomatoes. Hot meals-wise he'll eat plain spaghetti with parmesan and butter, "chinese" noodles (basically noodles with a sprinkle of soy sauce), and that's it. He has started picking out all the veg in the noodles and leaving it or asking for it plain. If I mix baby corn or mange tout into it he gets upset and refuses it. No pizza, no burgers, no chicken, nothing else. The only veg he will now seem to eat is broccoli.

At school he is given a hot lunch (dinner), and then another hot meal at after school club. When I pick him up around 5pm he's very hungry (I assume he's not eating much at school). When he started reception last September I tried making a hot dinner to eat with him everyday (pasta, curry, slow cooker meals etc) but he got so upset and never ate it. After Term 1 I gave up and since then he's been having a picky plate with a cumpet, yoghurt, apple, oat bar, etc. I always add carrots / cucumber / peppers but he leaves that. He is still hungry after this and I end up doing another crumpet or toast (homemade bread) or wheetabix. Crumpets are processed which I'm not happy about but he will eat them. He won't eat sandwiches as there is no filling he likes apart from Nutella which I don't let him have. I feel bad as I think I should be making a hot meal but he just refuses to eat it and I ended up serving wheetabix anyway out of desperation.

I know all the advice about no pressure, serving family style, they need to try it all 14 times, keep offering etc etc etc.

As a baby he ate everything including spicy food, veg, meat, cheese the lot.

What can I give him after school that will fill him up and is healthy which he might actually eat?? Anyone in this position?

Totally get it. Had it with my now 17 year old.
I went for giving her whatever she would eat and improvising the addition of goodies. I would not, for example, be ashamed of fruit (or whatever) pieces and Nutella dip.
I would see if small pieces of banana squashed on toast with added Nutella would work.
Pinwheel sandwiches or wraps?
I feel your pain. Trial. Error. Success. Failure. Success again.

Thanks @bellinisurge I appreciate the solidarity! I am worried about Nutella. He's had it on holiday and spent two weeks basically eating a Nutella processed bread sandwich for his meal (Spain). I know he would eat it but I don't want to encourage sweet surgery flavours with every meal and avoiding all savoury, and of course it's unhealthy. I even tried making my own Nutella - (am I mad?? no just desperate) - by roasting hazelnuts then blending with cocoa powder and agave syrup, and putting it back into the Nutella jar. Genius I thought! But no - he took one bite and said yuck this Nutella taste disgusting!! 😫

I would say be gentle with yourself. His tastes will vary as he grows. Make sure he has good dental habits and gets exercise and sometimes that is the best you can do.

I have a similar 4 year old.

His default is bread, cheese and fruit. And he will eat Greek yogurt with honey sometimes. So if he’s barely eaten anything he gets something from the above.

He only eats pasta with butter as hot meal regularly.

a few recent successes (last 6 months)

Homemade chicken nuggets with panko breadcrumbs. He helps make them which he likes. He doesn’t always eat them… but recently started eating one or two of dipped in ketchup.

Homemade pizza - he will
now eat - just tomato base and cheese. It’s taken almost 2 years of letting him help make for him to eat

Omlette - wont eat boiled or fried as can see the two colours. But a 1 egg mixed up plain omelette cooked thin like a pancake recently was eaten.

So maybe try one of above. And just keep giving bread, cheese and fruit to keep calories up

Make your own crumpets? That way you know exactly what's in them. Make a batch and freeze

I would ensure there's something he likes for each meal and add other things.

I had to train myself to not appeared worried.

One of mine was a very 'selective' eater and due to food intolerances and allergies, it reduced the scope of foods further.

I'd dish up the peanut butter sandwich or the chicken and 'accidently' drop a tiny bit of veg, add something else like a spring roll/bit of rice etc.. and say "silly me, just ignore it and eat what you want"

Over time he tried things just to see.... now he's got a broad range, still some likes and dislikes but he could eat out at the majority of places.

What happens at dinner time? Does he eat with you? What we do for our fussy 4 year old is we all eat together as a family. I dish up her plate with a little bit of everything from the dinner I’ve cooked, and add something onto her plate that I know she’ll eat. So for your DS you’d maybe add a bit of plain pasta with Parmesan or a bit of crumpet. We don’t make comment on the food, just all sit down together, serve food and all eat. No pudding or anything else served unless she’s eaten a good amount (doesn’t have clear plate or try everything). Over time she’s got a lot better and now will at least try things and eats decent plates of food.

Might he like parmesan crusted chicken nuggets? Homemade pancakes are good as they have milk and eggs. My DC loved annabel Karmels recipes.
I used to hide frozen spinach or kale in smoothies (ninja blender is great)
In the weekend involve him in meal planning and maybe try to cook something together. They say introduce one new thing or risky option with the usual meal so he tries it and if its a flop he will still have other familiar stuff to eat. Try to eat the same food as him if you don't already and show him your enjoyment of the food.

I wouldn't stress about it being a hot meal of he's being offered hot food at school and after school club. If you really think he's not eating much of either of those meals then I'd just focus on getting some food in him tbh. Even second helpings of the picky food he's already having would be fine?

I have 2 incredibly picky eaters and have learned not to make mealtimes a fight, especially at the end of the school day as they are shattered. If I'm honest I'm more relaxed about processed food, but I agree with pp homemade pancakes are a great idea, and you could do batches of homemade crumpets and freeze.

Personally I disagree with the approach of hiding 'healthy' ingredients in other foods, as you risk DC dropping even more foods from their diet when they work it out, but my parents assure me they did it all the time 🤔

Just keep feeding him what he will eat. If you're going to offer a pudding, offer it regardless. He's not holding out for sweet things but is struggling with extreme aversion.
He's not doing this deliberately and it will make eating stressful for him too.
Keep it low key. Offer alternatives but don't stress.
As long as he's a decent weight that's a good start. Get him to take a multivitamin and see the GP if you're worried.
Try him with foods very similar to those he likes already. From what you say it looks very texture based rather than bland food.
Meat, veg and fruit can be unpredictable. Not every strawberry tastes the same - some are sweet, some are tart, meat has unpredictable texture. Hence preferring things that always taste the same. These kids can taste the difference between brands.
My DD has come through the other side of her trickier patches but generally liked dry crunchy food, simple pasta & olive oil, dry cereal, Quorn, most carby crispy things like crackers, parmesan, so quite similar. Fruit wise - a peeled pear (conference only and not too ripe) apple slices, grapes. Maybe try tinned fruit for a consistent taste/texture. No wet or mixed up food. No melted cheese. No condiments.
Kids don't mind repetitive meals so don't worry about boredom. She ate only 2 maybe 3 sandwiches from Reception to year 6. Peanut butter, soft cheese or hummus - no butter.
(She's also ASD)

Can you mix an egg yolk with parmesan (like in carbonara) or with peanut butter/soy sauce to add to pasta/noodles? I managed to weaning my (younger) child onto boiled eggs gradually starting this way.

Also, does he eat chips/wedges? I've had good results with air-fryer parsnip chips, courgette chips, sometimes coated with parmesan and/or smoked paprika (you could try other spice combos)

Deliciously ella has tried the same only it’s a professional attempt and available from ocado! Could be worth a try? Failing that the M&S knock off has a fifth less sugar than the original and to the unrefined palates in our house it tastes exactly the same. I have a Nutella fiend in the house too but I don’t lose sleep over a scraping on a slice of toast at breakfast!

Your DS is probably knackered after school and club. He’s already been offered 3 meals, including 2 hot ones. Presumably you’ve been working too if he’s in after school club. I’d honestly just feed him what he’ll eat and if that’s toast and a banana then fine, there are worse things. Do all the encouraging and family style meals at the weekend when you’ve all got more energy.

A combination of fussiness and tiredness but my DD ate avocado toast and berries pretty much every night after reception. She’s now 7.5, eats practically everything (so long as she gets her Nutella at breakfast!) and it seems a very distant memory now. If he’s healthy and happy don’t get stressed by what is likely a temporary thing! So many fussy kids but remember it’s pretty rare to meet a properly fussy adult.

Will he eat peanut butter… it’s nice with apple

My 7 yo is a nightmare, his diet consists of weetabix, toast or a Nutella sandwich for breakfast, a ham, dairylea spread, grated cheese or egg mayo sandwich for lunch with a yoghurt, cucumber or watermelon and a small cake bar. Evening meals are literally some sort of chicken product with noodles and sweetcorn, sausage rolls with spaghetti or plain pasta, cucumber and a small amount of carbonara or bolognese sauce served seperately. I have countless photos of him upto the age of 3 tucking into allsorts of proper meals like sunday lunches, lasagne, cottage pie and especially veg which he will not touch at all now and I'm always showing him them to prove he would eat them. It's so hard but I don't stress about it anymore as i didn't want it to turn into a battle. He is slowly starting to try the odd thing now and then though so hopefully starting to come out the other side.

Breadsticks and humous?

That sounds really hard.

For the Nutella could you swap for Jim Jams spread? It tastes the same and has far less sugar. I don't begrudge a teaspoon of it in my son's porridge as it means he'll also eat so many other things mixed in the porridge too: fruit, flax seeds, chia seeds and so on.

To be honest I'd swap the Nutella for Jim Jams and really latch on to it. Chocolate spread sandwich with banana slices, melted chocolate spread with apple slices and strawberries for dipping, porridge with a teaspoon of chocolate spread mixed through it, fruit smoothies with a spoonful of chocolate spread whizzed in for a chocolate milkshake taste, healthy banana bread with a little chocolate spread on.

@sundaypaper Does he like hummus? Marmite? Babybels?

I know it’s not a great option but if you’re worried about protein could you get some of that protein powder that is basically squash? I need more protein, hate the milky powders but actually like the squash one (I know I’m an adult that can eat actual protein but I do a lot of driving and it’s usually a case of grab what I can eat quickly in the car and just notice I feel a bit rubbish atm 😅). You can get the healthier versions of Nutella like sweet freedom. Bonne maman has their own version too now, dunno if it’s exactly healthy but might be an option if you’re trying to skip the palm oil.

Ok. I mean this as gently as possible. Give yourself a break.

Crumpets are fine. Nutella is fine. Him eating crumpets or Nutella or whatever else is better than the both of you being miserable because food is a stress fest.

My son is 7. As a baby he ate everything. Then he went into the beige toddler phase. Now he’s picky but there’s enough foods that he’ll eat including some veg that I’m not concerned about his diet.

Do I continue to offer new foods? Yes. Is it a teaspoon sized amount on a plate of “safe” food? Yes. Does he eat it? Sometimes. Does he hate it? Often.

He’ll either eat new foods when he’s ready, or he never will. I know it’s hard not to worry, but life is honestly too short. Give him the foods he likes, offer the foods he’s less keen on or hasn’t tried before on a separate plate.

Is he actually hungry or just tired/thirsty. If he has had a lunch then another meal after school club he won't want another meal. Ask school and after school club to do a food diary so you know what he has eaten how much and when. Good luck

Also, yoghurt is a fine source of protein, even if it’s a sugary one like a Munch Bunch. If he likes cold things and hasn’t tried it already, cottage cheese or hummus might be worth a go. The Saba hummus is great because it’s super smooth so no texture issues.

Oh, and if you don’t already - take him food shopping with you. If he wants to try something, even if you’re certain he won’t eat it, try it out - and don’t get cross if he doesn’t like it. I had to buy a whole fish once, gut it, cook it, only for my son to dissect it but not actually eat it - but it was a positive experience for him regardless (and I ate it instead).

Oh the nights I spent awake fretting that my children would die of malnutrition because some days they had eaten 2 grapes and a yogurt. They are now over 6ft 2 and eat everything! All I can say is this will pass. Give them what they will eat. Try plain pancakes cut into straps, that was a gradual winner. You are doing your best, keep going!

Just to say thanks so much for these reassuring responses. X

Ohhh there’s also chocolate humus he could try! At least that was a thing in my slimmingworld days 😅