A difficult Overprotective dad

[CherryDaisy]

Hello I'm a mother of 3 I recently had my 3rd baby 9 weeks ago with a new relationship
Every thing has been great except my baby's father has become a very overprotective dad, as expected he's a first time dad, but it's come to a point where he doesn't like my other 2 children near the baby, my family and even watches over me!

I raised my other 2 children as a single parent as there father left me when they was little,
So when he watches over me it makes me feel I'm incapable and I have 2 other children that I raised perfectly fine.

Our relationship has got a lot of tension between us and I've talked to him about it and he will just blame it on me not having much sleep with the baby, but it's all draining me each day he comes home from work I never know what mood he will be in, I always try and reassure him he's doing amazing and that my other children mean no harm to the baby they just want to love the baby as much as us, but he just doesn't seem to understand.

Sounds like he wants to push your kids/family out of his nest. I’d worry if he thinks of pushing you away when baby is more independent.
How is he with his family and baby?

This is a massive leap, not helpful at all.

OP, he might have anxieties about the baby. This is very normal for new mothers, less so with fathers (at least openly!). i know with my first I was VERY protective compared to the second. I washed things relentlessly, I didn’t take her out to cafes until after her jabs etc. now with my second I’m much more relaxed as I’ve realised he will be totally fine.

I think it’s not about you or your kids, he just wants to be a good dad and as an experienced mother you are so many steps
ahead of him. Be gentle and kind and to begin with assuming he has good intentions. Talk to him about what you will allow (eg your kids can hold the baby but they know not to kiss its face) and find rules and boundaries he agrees with. Give him lots of time with the baby when he’s home so he can feel some control.

if he doesn’t relax and is upsetting you… have a very serious talk and set out your expectations.

How long have you been together?

I'm not saying it's the case here, but abuse often starts in pregnancy/just after birth, and if he's trying to isolate you now then its definitely something to be mindful of.

If he's 'just' being overprotective then you're going to need an open and honest conversation and he will need to change or your kids will feel left out and inferior in their own home. He needs to change or he needs to move out, even temporarily.

We have been together for 3.5 years baby was planned he always wanted a family, even when I was pregnant he started to get overprotective, if the kids wanted to have a look through the baby's nursery he would tell them off which led me and him to have words, he even stayed at his mums house over it,
Now the baby is born it's just got worse!
Even our relationship in general has changed he never wants to get intimate, since I fell pregnant and still now I've had the baby he said he's not interested,
I'm not sure what to do next every time we chat he shuts the conversation down or will say it's nothing wrong and it's all in my head

You seriously need to think about asking him to go back to his Mums for now.

He's damaging your relationship with your kids, and their relationship with their sibling, and your relationship with your family, and then telling you its all in your head.

You don't have to split up, but you need some space for your kids to all bond.

This doesn’t sound like being overprotective. Being overprotective is driving 30mph in a 40mph now that baby is in the car. Or insisting they have an air purifier running in their room at all times. Or not allowing grandpa who smokes like a chimney to hold the baby.

Not allowing your kids near the baby or even in baby’s room before baby was born sounds like intentional circling of the wagons to mark off his territory and his ‘real’ family. It’s not kind and respectful to your children and it’s not protecting your baby.