Y5 wanting to walk home from school

[beigetea]

So my DS is in Y5 (10yrs) wants to start walking home.
He would normally be collected by a childminder from school.
I'm not necessarily against him walking home from school as it's not actually far and the one road he has to cross has a lolly pop lady.
The issue I have is that he would be home alone for an hour before I get home from work.
Am I right to think this is too much for too long for a 10 year old?

Walking home is fine (kids walk home from a much younger get age where I live) but an hour at home alone is a little much

It's ok for you to say 'I don't feel you're quite old enough, but it won't be long'.

Is there an issue with the childminder? Do they have mostly younger children for example. He might prefer afterschool club.

I happened to collect him yesterday as his sibling was poorly at school so left work and I did witness about 90% of his class just allowed to walk out and then walk home. But what he doesn't seem to understand is that a lot of those kids parents either don't work or they work from home so are around.

I know I need to start letting him have a bit more freedom and responsibility as up until now he hasn't been allowed out on his own nor really left at home alone.

I just don't feel he's ready/ it's safe but he doesn't understand that.

He's only there for an hour. School finishes at 3.25 and I'm there by 4.20.
She does have a few little ones and he's probably the oldest but there are a few other boys there (younger but not by loads) and they are usually all in the garden playing football so 🤷‍♀️

Exactly. I don’t live in fear but it’s even things like if someone came to the door, or the sink leaked or God forbid something caught on fire etc. Things we would deal with normally but may be more challenging when unexpected for a child.

I would suggest active training on this then. So, let him.go.out alone on weekend for a bit - trip to park, to buy milk etc. Explain keys, doors etc. Then when he gets back and you are there, rhe safety net is in place.

We also used a key safe for a very long time as ds was good about that and was able to remember to put the key back in it. We did have one or two mild issues eg the time he didn't lock it but they were all dealt with and the lesson learnt.

Also.what other mitigators can you put in place? Eg I think I would insist that he calls me.as soon as he gets home and, if necessary, runs through a check list- has he taken the key out the door and put it in a safe place, is door closed, etc.

One big advantage of giving this independence now is that they are more receptive to strict rules and oversight and I find it can embed these things in now. We have definitely benefited from that with ds.

It depends very much on the individual child and you them best. My eldest at that age didn't want to walk home but was staying home alone up to 2 hours so she didn't have to get dragged to all her brother's medical appointments. I was never more than 15 minutes from home though and she's very sensible. Her brother at same age wasnt left alone for more than the 15 minutes it took to drop siblings at school. Youngest maybe when he's 16, he gets up to all sorts and no common sense.

Our school only allow Y6 to leave school alone. My Y6 DD is 10 still and walks home part way with friends part way on her own although she has a younger sibling so we are around on the same route. It's a 20 mins walk all main road no parks or fields etc. I would say my 10 year old DD whilst the youngest in her year is also very grown up for her age very tall and also looks at least 14. However I cannot ever imagine my youngest being that responsible in Y6 to do this so it's all based on your child as an individual.

He doesn't need to understand it.

Your child, your boundaries (so long as not draconian!). You have said yourself he's too young.

Between now and 18 you will have loads of these judgements to make.

Quite a few children in my grandchild's school walk to and from school alone in y5. It's a city so there are lots of people around. I'd say it depends on your child and how sensible you think they are.

Take the concerns about losing the key (which are reasonable, even adults lose keys) out of the equation by installing a key safe. He then only has to remember the number, or have it written down.

Whether he is old enough is difficult to tell. It will depend on his maturity, where you live and what he will do whilst you are not there. How used to spending time alone in the house is he? What about after dark (thinking ahead to next winter)?
Give him some trial runs to build up to being at home for just over an hour - he may not like it and you'll be stuck if you lose his childminder place and he is unhappy being on his own.

If you haven’t done so, he needs to be taught clear strategies for situations that are likely to arise. If his only coping strategy is ring Mum then he’s not ready.
Even sensible 10 year olds can have strange ideas of what they might do - not just with emergencies like fires, floods or intruders, but with things that are actually likely to happen at some point, e.g. the key is not in the key safe, he spills something, feels unwell, if there is bad weather or you are delayed.

I think it depends on the child and your home. Is he responsible, able to follow rules about not cooking when you aren't there for example? Would he know what to do in an unlikely emergency? Can he contact you or another available family memeber during that time or are you driving? Are there any pets loose he would be responsible for? It would't be ideal if a very elderly cat took a turn for the worse on his watch or he had to keep a rambunctious puppy entertained on his own.

It wouldn't bother me. My 10yo has been doing the walk solo since the start of Y5 and sometimes stops at the park on the way to play with friends. He's also been home alone for an hour before. He's perfectly sensible and capable of calling someone if he needs help.

The job of a parent is to help their child achieve independence. This is uncomfortable for the parent, yes. But it is so important to give DC chances for this kind of low stakes independence so they are ready when the stakes get higher.

If you don't trust him yet with locking up/losing keys etc then it's best to wait a bit.
Hell definitely need to be confident getting to and from secondary school alone, so I'd say year 6, as others say. To give him that year to get confident.
Could he just walk to the childminders house? That way he won't need keys and won't be alone but will have the freedom of walking? I guess if she's already picking others from the school he may as well just go with her though.

Where's that blog by Lenore Skenazy about letting her 9yo son navigate the New York subway by himself... ah ha! https://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-the-subway-alone/

I wouldn’t allow it at 10. While many 10-year-olds can handle walking home from school, being home alone for an hour is a different concern—unless a trusted neighbor or family member can check in until you’re home.

It’s year 6 in the spring term they do this here and only if it’s not far. There is plenty of time for them to be independent

If his friends are walking home I'd definitely seriously consider letting him walk to the childminders or if it's not a straightforward journey, meet her somewhere along the way as a small step towards independence. It depends on the area I guess, but if others are walking, a childminder pick up could feel quite embarrassing at this age.

Kids this age are fine at home for an hour now and again imo, but, I wouldn't want to come home from school every day to an empty house or want my child doing so, I personally hated it even as a teen.