Anyone with experience of child with selective mutism

[Momma27272]

Hello,
My child (2.9 years)has been diagnosed with selective mutism.
He will speak in sentences at home, and occasionally around close family members but not when around other people, at nursery or especially will not speak infront of other children.
i just wondered if anyone had any experience of their child who has overcome this?
The professionals have said most children overcome it and just to keep the pressure off.
would love to hear only positive stories please, as I am feel so worried for my baby.
thanks

One of my close friends was selectively mute until around 5/6. His mother was terribly worried about him and took him to all sorts of specialists. I believe he grew out of it when he was ready. He never stops talking now. He is a lawyer and is very funny!

I was a leader of a youth group when a girl with selective mutism joined - week by week, little by little, she gained in confidence until she could speak in a circle in front of others. It was amazing to witness!

Yes, over here!

DS started talking around his 2nd birthday and became a real little chatterbox, and was quite an "out loud thinker".

However, he's always been shy and very wary of new people.

He started nursery at 2y10m and was very reluctant. Lots of tears, it was quite tough.

About 2 weeks in his keyworker asked us if he spoke at home ?! I was honestly flabbergasted and was like Yes, all the time. She said he hadn't uttered a word.

There was talk of SEN and special meetings and I was getting quite worried, but was always reassured that he was actually a perfectly "normal" and chatty boy at home and with family.

Over time, with a very low pressure/ hands off approach at nursery, he started chatting to 1 or 2 teachers (the quieter, friendlier females) and a few close friends.

By the time he was 4 he'd talk to nearly anyone but was always quiet.

Now at school, he's a total character and there's no evidence of thr selective mutism.

We had a Brownie who didn't say anything the whole time she was with us (3 years). She didn't talk at school either but apparently was quite chatty at home.
I looked her up a few months ago - she's at university now.

A little girl in my daughter's class had this. It resolved itself over the years, and she is now happily married with a family. 💕

The lovely Kim Joy from Bake Off overcame Selective Mutism - I really dislike that term though it feels like it implies agency when there is none.

She's given some interviews on it.

Yes, DD2 salt gave us advice and advice to nursery and it just went. Now she is a very confident child who always wants to share with the class.

Selective mutism is an oudated term and situational mutism is used now.

Slightly different but my two children are ND and when they get overwhelmed they become mute. It's transient and never lasts more than an hour. They're teens so use their phone app for such issues to help communicate

DS17 has this, which we realised when he was in Y1 (before that, we just thought he was very shy). I really recommend https://www.amazon.co.uk/Selective-Mutism-Resource-Manual-Speechmark/dp/1909301337 to help you understand it and how to help. The key is to take the pressure off, not draw attention to it, get everyone to speak to them as if they expected them to speak, but not comment if they don't, and then take baby steps towards them speaking in situation they don't now. (For example, if they speak to you at home, see if they will speak to you in the garden, then in the street, then outside nursery, then in the lobby at nursery, then in the lobby at nursery with someone else there; or if they won't speak to someone at nursery, will they play with them?)

We were told it's about 1 child in 30 that has it, so most nurseries and schools will have experienced it before, but you may have to push for them to be proactive in helping rather than just assuming it would work out in the end, which I am sure DS's wouldn't have done without the effort put in by the school and us: The school got an ed psych to come in and assess DS in Y2 and she recommended a program based on that book, essentially baby steps in reducing their anxiety and moving towards them speaking. It took a lot of effort (whilst trying to make it seem to DS like it wasn't) but the teachers were really supportive and he did start speaking in class in Y4 and has improved over time and in particular the transition to secondary school was much better than I expected. He's never going to be a really confident extrovert, but speaks when he needs to (eg to teachers, in cafes) and chats happily with his friends and with us in all situations (well as happily as most teenagers chat to their parents!) and so as far as I'm concerned that's a positive result.

I really do not think that is the case. I have worked with hundreds of families with SM and none has schizophrenia. Can you explain what your authority is to make such a statement?

OP SM is correlated with neurodiversity especially autism, however around 30- 40 percent aren't autistic.

The best thing to do is join the national charity SMiRA's Facebook page. There are loads of free downloadables and lots and lots of parents who are a great supportive community.

I had/have selective mutism so does my DC. Only wanting positive stories suggests burying your head in the sand.
Do you just want everyone to assure you that your DC will magically grow out of it?

My 13yo had (has) selective mutism.

Shes gradually became able to speak in more situations. She would go whole weeks at nursery without saying a word. At school it was the same. She would take to her friends, but not staff. Finally she could read to her TA. And so it improved bit by bit.

Now... she talks to people she knows. Strangers, like a shop assistant or in a cafe is still very unlikely. She describes it as a fear that the words won't come out right, so they don't come out at all. Shes determined to overcome it

Her biggest help has been amazing supportive friends throughout her life. They always accepted her her for being herself.

Occurrence isn't clear as it's an under researched area, but it's thought to be about 1 in 140 - nowhere near 1 in 30 I'm afraid. That's why schools are often unsure of what to do.

My son has it, he is 16.

My child had this for about 2 years from about the age of 3. It was terrifying! Completely normal at home with us but wouldn't say a single word anywhere else. Then one day he told me he was going to start speaking again, and he did! He's 13 now and fine! Still on the quiet side but nothing out of the ordinary. It's very easy when you're going through it to panic and get stressed but definitely better if you play the whole thing down I think.

Proof please?

My young adult hasn't outgrown it so nothing positive to report here I'm afraid

Yes, my son was diagnosed when he started preschool. He wouldn't talk to any teachers or pupils. It was awful.
We went to an NHS session for parents. The school hired a speech therapist to work with him, for maybe a couple of years. It was on and off, not continual support.
It really broke my heart to see other kids happy and forming friendships while my son was trapped in silence. It was a difficult time but the school were brilliant. He did gradually grow out of it. I'd say in years 4, 5 and 6 he was improving a lot and making friends.
He's now in year 7 at secondary and doing very well. He's still a quiet, shy person (he always will be), but his years of selective mutism are behind him. He chats to lots of kids and teachers.
The essential thing is to ensure family, friends, teachers etc all understand the condition and don't pressurise him to talk. If they are pressurised it makes things worse.

My DD10 has it, from getting the SM diagnosis then it led to a diagnosis of autism as well (even though school were reluctant) so at times I'm not sure if things are autistic traits or SM traits.

SALT gave us a massive pack of info about it but I've condensed that into an easy to read page that i give to groups that she attends so the leaders know how to deal with her.

Basically the crux of it is to not put any pressure on speaking, just talk naturally with any questions being yes/no questions so the child can nod or shake their head etc. And just chatting to them without expecting an answer. With DC once she speaks freely to someone, that person becomes safe and she will then always speak to them. If someone fires questions at her straight away then she shuts down and won't speak to that person.

I know you were probably hoping for responses like others where it's been resolved early, be assured that even if its not (like with us) she's a lovely child to be around, she's made a lovely friend group, she does craft and lego, she loves Harry potter amd also dancing. She gets a distinction in all of the dance exams she does and is always front row centre position in dance shows as her class all just follow her.

I think what I'm trying to say is, yes it's difficult but with finding the right stream for the child it really helps x

My great niece has it. As he's grown up now and although not a chatter box she now speaks to those she does not even know. From 2-14/15 she only spoke to her Mum, Dad and sister. Until she was about 8/9 she barely spoke a word toy sister even and she's her Nan. At school she wrote things down.

Sorry OP. I didn’t mean to be alarmist.

It's often an early sign of autism. Especially being a girl make sure it's not missed as she gets older. Diagnosis is improving but still generally missed more in girls as the diagnosis criteria was formed on typical presentation in boys.

I had selective mutism. It was at playgroup and then school. I remember it felt like even if I tried to speak at school no sound would come out. I don't remember how I got over it; definitely no speech therapy back then I think a parent came with me to school early a few mornings and encouraged me to speak to them whilst the teacher was in the room but by mid/late infant school I was fine and can be outspoken now!

I taught a year 7 boy, who was the chattiest and most eloquent speaker, had a real talent for singing too.

His first parents evening his parents told me he had been situationally mute up to the end of infants and it was a relief he had taken to high school so well as they were worried he would regress.

For you, I would look into learning sign language so you can still communicate during more challenging episodes. And when the time comes enroll into singing and drama lessons. Learning to play a character rather than use 'their' voice can be super useful a bit like how the often talk via their toys rather than without.