To notify the school..?

[AllOpinionsAreMyOwm]

Checking through DC phone recently (school ask us to do this!) I came across text messages from my DC and one of their friends. Their friend speaks in some detail about their dad hitting and being generally abusive to their mum.

Felt uneasy but I haven't said anything; thought it's none of my business if between two adults.

Now DC friend has apparently not been at school for a few days. Asked DC why and DC wasn't sure but said the friend came in with a huge bruise.

Do I tell the school about the texts? WWYD?

I will definitely 💯 report the messages to the school, though.

In theory if police are involved with DV school should be notified by the police

@AllOpinionsAreMyOwm It's safeguarding and therefore everyone's business, call the school and ask to speak to the Designated Safety Manager (DSM)... and they can take it from there. But in doing so, you are absolutely doing the right thing.

the latest safeguarding training for schools from the Gov specifically states that a child witnessing DV is a victim also.

"All children can witness and be adversely affected by domestic abuse in the context of their home life where domestic abuse occurs between family members. Experiencing domestic abuse can have a serious, long lasting emotional and psychological impact on children. In some cases, a child may blame themselves for the abuse or may have had to leave the family home as a result"

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66ce094e8e33f28aae7e1f6d/Keepingchildrensafeineducation2024partone.pdf

A relative’s child was hit by her ex.

The child told the school that it was an accident, but had told a friend the truth. The friend told a teacher.

SS stepped in and formally stopped the father from having contact.

Until you tell someone, presumably the school, this knowledge is sitting with you. And more worryingly, your son.

You need to have a conversation with him to explain this type of situation can't be a secret and you will take the responsibility of reporting this. Encourage him to come to you, in future, because it's too big of a thing to sit on his shoulders.

Witnessing DV counts as child abuse and can have long lasting effects.

OP don't get bogged down in incorrect acronyms or job titles, just phone the main line in the morning and tell the receptionist you need to speak to someone about safeguarding of another pupil and tell this to whoever comes to the phone, they'll be the right person to deal with it and there's several different job titles that are relevant. Don't sit on this.

This. Doesn't take much thinking about really.

Of course you tell the school. If your child is young maybe you should be keeping an eye on their messages anyway, without needing the school to tell you. Why would you think violence between two adults is okay to do nothing about?

And? Getting divorced doesn't negate the responsibility to report this.

No clarification needed as we all knew that. I'm very concerned you don't seem bothered by the mum being hit.

Of course you need to tell school

Please don’t go to the house.

what do people think happens when an abuser gets upset by outside scrutiny?

the answer is not calm down and engage in quiet meditation.

Tell the school, my mum and dad used to batter each other and everyone knew but didn't do anything. It wasn't until I was nearly finishing school that it got reported and it was horrible having to watch that shit for years.
If it's nothing then at least you've done what you can to make sure everyone is safe.

@Ponderingwindow yes, you're right. It could be very unsafe. I kind of feel mixed as I wish someone had intervened sometimes and I could've escaped. But other times it would've made it a lot worse.

@2025willbemytime I was and am concerned about the mum - I have been in a similar situation in the past - but what do you suggest I do? Obviously with the child I can report it to SS/school but what do I do re: parents?

I have now reported the messages to the school.

@Ponderingwindow no, don't worry, I wouldn't turn up at the house. Could be confrontational and that's never a good idea.

Interestingly the child moved to this school recently from a local (small) school. I suspect word got around about the father and they moved.

The police.

Omg I despair at the question. Of course you should report it.

One of the very first things I remember is hearing my father threatening my mother in another room. I was coming up to 3, around 1950. I was terrified and it has influenced me all my life.

Of course you report it to school and to social services. It’s people like you doing nothing that allows it to continue.

if you know the address I’d also be reporting it to the police and sending screen shots so they have evidence and can do a welfare check now the child is missing from school.

does the case of Sara Sharif mean nothing to you? Just because your son’s friend hasn’t said he’s being abused (he is as he’s in the house) doesn’t mean he isn’t beaten black and blue under his clothes!

I can’t believe this was even a question. This is something you immediately report - to school, NSPCC or police.