Wellness journal... for a new parent?

[AskewAtTheTreadle]

Is there such a thing? I've had a look and most seem to be fixed on the idea of maintaining "work life balance" so include things like work goals versus personal goals, and set achievements for the day etc. With a new baby, expectations would surely be a lot lower and more like "drink some water and don't harm anybody".

What I'd like to be able to do with a journal is something like:

• track general feelings from the day
• track habits (when am I getting to shower, what are we managing to eat)
• a weekly summary maybe
• daily "event" or milestone (e.g. "figured out the nappies" / "made it out the house")

I'm not sure what else as I haven't really used a wellness journal before, but it seems a sensible thing to do. I figure a specific structure journal might be easier to use than just getting a notebook and doing it that way (which is how I've generally journalled - sporadically). Would love your thoughts.

Do you have children? 😂 I cannot imagine having the time with a new baby to actually record my feelings and when I showered and what the family ate.

With young children most people are focused on simply doing these things. I struggled to brush my teeth for the first month with my first. Writing down that I’d brushed my teeth would have been so outside of what could have managed. The only person I know who tried to do something like this became really obsessed and anxious about it, and it definitely didn’t contribute to her sense of wellness.

@mindutopia I do not have kids yet, this is my first 🤣 hence why I'm trying to think of ways to keep sane / keep track of any potential PND, that sort of thing.

For the journal I'm thinking of something pretty low-key like a tick box or a couple of lines rather than "dear diary" type thing with lots of writing space. I don't have the right sort of brain to get obsessive about having to write in a journal daily so no worries there. More like a check-in point maybe a couple of times a week 🤔

I really don't think you'd need this.

Genuinely, I have a 2.5 year old. We showered every day. Sometimes meals were of the quicker variety and we had the occasional takeaway but we did fine, and we don't have any family support so nobody was rocking up with pre-made dishes.

I'd never have recorded how much water I'd drank, or anything, and you'll be constantly figuring out nappies in terms of what size is right but you'll have nailed the basics within a couple of hours. We were out of the house one day after hospital and basically every day since then, usually multiple times a day. These are just things that feel big before the baby arrives; they'll be absolutely standard by the end of the first week.

I suspect you'll have to make this yourself if you want one, I can't see it being a mainstream thing.

But I would say that, although we got the basics done, we didn't update his baby book as often as I wish I had. If you're going to record things, I'd do that.

Thanks @YouveGotAFastCar. We do have a baby book for those milestones. The journal would just be for me to check in or think about how things are going. Like a lightweight but semi-structured version of a normal diary.

There's no way I'd be tracking my water intake (although if I wanted to, my watch can do that)! But it would be nice to be able to have somewhere to write up things like "went to the park, baby is terrified of ducks, discovered an ice cream van. Tired as hell", that sort of thing.

This would feel like just another thing I hadn’t managed to do every day tbh. I had a pretty difficult time for the first few months with DC1 (prem, lots of feed/sleep issues) and did have some PND with DC2 but I really don’t think a diary would have helped in either situation except to rub it in.

Do you have a partner? Maybe get him to ask you how your day was and how you’re feeling… that seems a better way of keeping track?

@minipie interesting! You make a fair point that if PND does become an issue the journal might not help. But at the same time, my feelings about the journal itself might be a useful "flag" 🤔

I think DW will have enough going on without having to be a human journal. Although of course we'll check in with each other. But I do love a written record. When I do journal currently it's quite a nice personal / mindful thing so I figure a semi-structured one with new baby would make it easier to do than a blank notebook.

I think wait and see. You won’t know whether it’s helpful until you’re in the moment IMO. If you have a difficult experience then you may find a journal a chore, or perhaps it would be cathartic. If you have an easy experience you might enjoy it, but you might find it’s not needed and you’d rather be doing other things.

It is perfectly possible by the way to hate the whole newborn experience but not have PND. In which case, having flags or records that you’re not happy doesn’t really help.

I think there's a reason why you can't find what you're looking for... you're really unlikely to have the time, energy or inclination to fill in a journal when you have a newborn.

You've mention PND several times during your posts. Are you worried that you may get PND?

Agree with others. it will be the last thing you want to do!

What about a white board instead with goals of the week on so you can just write them down in a minute or two and tick off as you go
Things like
Showered every day
Cooked 3 good meals
Did a load of washing
Took baby out the house
Did the food shop

Much more manageable

I think this is a bit niche. Your best bet would be to just get a really nice page a day diary and write in it yourself - bullet points if you want to keep it brief.
If it’s certain things you want to log, eg food or feeds, just make a little header each day.

I think my title was misleading. I'm not hoping to find one specifically aimed at new parents, just one that's not aimed at people working full time. I.e. avoid the "work goals" and "home goals" type things I'm seeing 🤔

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn I'm not worried about PND in a specific sort of way - I wouldn't consider myself "high risk" or anything like that. Only that it can happen to anyone with the sudden change hormonally (let alone the reduced sleep and everything else!) and journals are often touted as being a good way to prompt self-evaluation.

like this one from Lovendu, for example (with no expectation of filling in "sleep" or "hydration", baby or otherwise!). Small prompts, write as much as you want, that sort of thing.

Image didn't work... this one!

Link for backup: https://lovendu.co.uk/collections/shop-all/products/happiness-journal

just checking, have you actually had the baby yet ?

Because having the baby will answer the question about why these things are not popular.

There is usually no time or energy for such things.

journals are often touted as being a good way to prompt self-evaluation I think this sounds really pressuring for a new mum. Don't buy anything with 'happiness journal' on the front! I would really try to dial down the expectations and the pressure.

Journalling has its place but it can easily tip into toxic positivity and I just don't think it is appropriate for new baby phase.

I suppose I could have journalled 'scraped sick out of shoe', but would it have helped me feel more positive?

I did keep freestyle diaries of milestones which are nice to look back on.

One evening whenmy dd was about two months old there was a knock on the door, I looked at the clock...eight thirty...a bit late for people doing a pop in...don't they realise I've had a baby? Answered the door of the flat. It was the postman. I whittered something about him working overtime, closed the door and realised, recalling his confused face it was eight thirty in the morning and not the evenings at all.

I don't think a wellness journal would have stood a chance.

@3luckystars baby not here yet. Or I'd be writing in my journal instead of Mumsnet 😉

@bergamotorange thanks for your thoughts. I suppose there's always more than one way it could go or be perceived, and I'll be careful

I had a relatively "easy" baby for my first and I wouldn't have had time for this! It's a nice idea but I just don't think you'll manage it and then it'll potentially make you feel like you've failed at that goal.

I think Lucy Ruddle has one - it's quite breastfeeding-themed I think but it might be what you're looking for?

Found it here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09YNVNTMQ

I'm sorry op but this is unrealistic. If you get a spare minute you are going to want it to use the toilet / shower / eat or brush your teeth. Zero time for anything else! I used to think people were exaggerating or crazy when they warned me about stuff like this but I can promise you it's true.

not the same but I liked a five year diary. It was nice looking back over the years to remember what kid had been doing a year or two before.