How to tell if it's the nursery or the baby that's the "problem"?

[BluPeony]

Sorry about the title, I don't really know how to phrase this.

We were on a waiting list for a nursery for ages but they didn't have the days we needed so ended up sending him elsewhere and he's still on the blooming waiting list for the original place.

My 13 month old son is not really settling into this nursery. He's devastated to be left in the morning, I'm told he's either crying throughout the day or playing with toys but is "emotional" and when I pick him up his little face crumples and he's hyperventilating and then crying his little heart out. It's breaking my heart. He also naps poorly but they don't have a separate nap room so I'm not surprised that the most they get out of him is 30 minutes - he would sleep for 60-90 mins at home typically.

There's been an impact on other areas too: he used to love going to play group and now he gets stressed, tries to leave and doesn't play much, just keeps a close eye on me. At home he's clingy, throwing things, snatching things and generally acting unsettled and not like himself. It takes a day or two to come back down to normal and then it's time to go to nursery again.

I'm devastated to see my happy, confident little boy like this.

Everyone says give it time, but how much time? And how do I know if/when to try a different nursery?

If the original nursery every offers us a place, will he just be miserable there instead?

I really don't know what to do.

I think it's predominantly the baby. My first was difficult to settle but he ate and slept well at nursery and behaviour at home didnt really change. It was 'business as usual' within about 3 months. I'd have to say that having dad drop him off was less emotional for him.

DD2, very difficult baby, started nursery at 12 mo, she completely changed at home, incredibly clingy, waking screaming in the night after sleeping through (still doesn't sleep through at 19mo), would cry and vomit at nursery, naps 15min, wouldn't eat. We gave it about 10 weeks, although she was often sent home within and hour or two of arriving. Then pulled her out and got our current after school nanny to do full days. She's much happier with 1:1 care.
I'd like to try her again once she's 2, perhaps just for mornings, as I feel like she would really enjoy the activities they offer at nursery.

It’s really difficult to tell really. It definitely is early days still, and only doing two days so far apart will make it harder. But on the other hand, nurseries vary as do their staff. My oldest went at 1, he loved his key worker and did really well. After a year she left and he just hated it for the next few months, the other staff were fine but just didn’t click with him the way she did.

Would he be able to go every day for a week or so? Just for a few hours.