Blob - You were up late last night looking at the time of your posting. Like Jasper said, are you in the UK and finding your worries are affecting you so badly that you cannot sleep? If so, that is very sad, and I really feel for you.
I've been thinking about this thread, as (like I said earlier) I've been in a similar situation, which I've now come through and am feeling really happy with how things are. I would like to use my experience to help others feeling the same, as you do feel very alone and can find it difficult to talk to 'real' friends about it.
Please don't think I'm being nosey, but what are your dh's arguments for not having another? That is assuming that he has told you, rather than just totally blank the subject like my dh used to. I think men see having children differently to women (IMO). My dh has always thought about having kids in a financial way, in a how would we fit in the car way and in a "I'll be even more knackered than I already am" way (for the last one, I'd just like to say that he has never got up for a night feed, done a fraction of the nappies I've changed, rarely dresses or baths them etc) I sound like I'm having a moan about my dh, which I'm not, I take most responsibility for the kids because I'm at home with them, whereas he works long hours in the day. Also, my dh has never been one for babies and is alot better with our kids now that they are getting older (and easier, in some respects)
My point is that women tend to think of having another child in terms the pleasure of having another child to love and nuture, whereas alot of men don't. Hope this makes sense. If your dh's refusal to have another is based on financial reasons, could you say that initially they don't cost alot as you already have baby equipment clothes, bf doesn't cost anything (if you choose to do it) when it comes to weaning, you're already cooking for the other kids, so can mouli a bit of veg/dinner etc. If he argues that you don't have enough time for 3, then really having 3 is not much different to having 2, as you still have to put the kids first no matter how many you have and give them lots of time and attention.
Now it's your turn, Blob. Now I come to look back on that time when I wanted to have a 4th and dh didn't, I can see that perhaps I really wanted to have a baby as youngest ds was getting older (20mths), older ds had started school, dd starts school this Sept, and as I was putting away the clothes that ds had grown out of, I felt really sad that I would not be getting them out again (for another one of my kiddies, anyway) It felt so final to me to be drawing a line under having more kids. Also, although I never liked being pg or giving birth, because I have been a SAHM for quite awhile, I found it hard to see myself as anything else. I felt like a fat, mumsy type and thought I was only good at producing kids like a brood mare, so why not another? I have to admit, I wasn't entirely convinced that I really wanted to have a 4th, but thought that if I didn't go ahead and have one, I would look back when I'm older and regret not going for it. However, the bottom-line was that there was no way dh would ever budge despite my protests. This led me to look at my life in a totally different way. As it was, I found it hard to give the 3 I had enough individual attention, so how on earth would I have managed it with 4? I decided that I wanted to give the 3 I'd got the best chances in life (going on holidays abroad, university grants, buying them their 1st car, weddings!!!!!) with 4 that would put more strain on us in the long run. I now sound like I'm going totally against what I've said above, but these were my reasonings to help me come to terms with dh's decision. Also, one of the biggest things in my life which was (and still is, to a lesser extent) getting me down was my weight. I put on lots of weight when I was pg, which I didn't lose between pgs, which made me feel unattractive and old before my time (I'm 29 BTW). Being pg again would have been a good excuse not to tackle my weight problems, because as we know losing weight can be a real battle.
Anyway, seeing as a 4th baby would never be an option (and would definitely have driven us apart had I pushed it, or worse still allowed an accident to happen, which BTW I'm ashamed to say I did consider), I decided to focus my energies on the 3 I've got (believe me, they're all strong-willed kids so needs lots of attention) and also to sort myself out. I started a diet and regular gym/walking sessions at the beginning of Jan, have already lost about a stone (which people have commented on - gives you a real buzz!) and generally started taking more care of myself and my appearance. Also, I've started socialising more (you can't drink when you're pg, and I love a tipple) and am slowly thinking about getting a job again (my own money and a life away from being a mum/wife). When I think how different my life could be if I had got pg again, I shudder, I love where I'm at in my life now. All I can say Blob, is have a good hard think about why you really want another, could it be for any of the reasons above? I thought Rhiannon's questions were great too, very thought provoking. I know that our situations are different as I have 3 and you have 2, but they are similar in that we both have a dh who point-blank refuses to have anymore.
Let me know how you get on, I'll be here as a friendly listening ear. I think it's obvious what I've said that I'm on your side, but I really think that you need to have a good think. Is it worth damaging your relationship with dh? Hope I haven't totally depressed you! Good Luck, Chanel x